How to Lay Them in 25 Minutes Flat

The lazy man's guide to one-night stands

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This is the latest, hottest, easiest way to get laid. Other than the times
women picked me up to have sex, this was the fastest! And it
can work for anyone, as you´ll see.

Last week I was at a beer fest in Brazil.

As with all beer fests, it had a lot of drunken motherfuckers, pukey
curbs, loud music etc. I was on a mission to get laid, but it was a
tough one: single women here live with their parents, and ALL the guys
are players. So one-night stands don’t come about everyday, and when
they do, it is usually with some native mack. But I had to try.

I was walking around, looking for a fine chick to hit on.

There was a girl that looked like one of my cousins, so that was my
approach line.
- Excuse me; are you a cousin of mine?
- No! she replied, somewhat humored. That was my green light.
Is your last name Berger?
Burger?
Berger, with an e.
Nope.
What about Lee? Or Schwartz? Brown? McCartney? DeNiro? Fox? Bush?
Einstein? Brando? Jordan? At this point she was already cracking up.


I sensed a good vibe from her, so I kept the conversation going about
her: where she is from, when she got there, where she was staying etc.

I realized that she was letting me do the boob-touch, so I knew she was
enjoying it.

After about five minutes of chit chat, I asked her name, and exchange 3
cheek kisses, as is customary here in Brazil. After the last cheek
kiss, I went in for a lip kiss. She moved away slightly. I then tried
again, and she smiled. I tried again and she let me kiss her. We made
out for a while (you got to get their motor running).

People around were surprised, but I kept at it for another few minutes.
We then found a corner and chatted some more.

The chat was groundbreaking, at least for me. I think I have finally
found out how to get them excited by talking about sex.

(For those of you who haven’t read my book, I state adamantly to not
talk about sex with a chick, as it gets their guard up.) Although this
law still applies, I would like to add an addendum:


****** After making out with them, you can strike a conversation that
starts off slightly sexual, but that soon becomes sexually revealing.


The way this played out with her was that I asked her where she worked.
She told me some mall. I asked if it was at the sex shop in that mall.
She giggled a no. I told her that I thought I had seen her there
before, maybe buying a dildo.
- No, never!
- Or maybe it was big electric vibrator?
- Nope!
- Maybe a male blow up doll?
- Nooo! Ok, maybe!
She was enjoying the sex talk. So I stated a variation of the 20
questions game, where I ask her a question, she has to answer, then she
asks me a question.
- Do you have a dildo?
- No.
- Do you? She asked.
- I once bought one for my girl friend.
- My turn, have you ever used a dildo?
- Once.
- Was it good?
- It was ok, too smooth, I like the bumpy ones.
- The real deal, huh?
- Yeah, warm, hard, the whole nine yards.
- I only got 7 inches.
She laughs.
Her turn: What positions do you like?
- Doggy style and sitting.
- What about you?
- Doggy style.
- What about 69?
- They are ok.
- I love them.
- What about when I go down on you, do you like that?
- Its ok, but I rather you go in me.
- Your not very clitoral huh?
- I guess not.
- So you should get a dildo.
- Will you buy me one?
- I’ll have one made from my dick, for you to use when I’m away.
- My turn: oral, do you like to give or receive?
- Give.
- What do you like about it?
- I like the way it feels in my mouth.
(I was going to ask if she like to swallow, but I skipped on that, too
risky)
Her turn: Are you an ass or a tit man?
- Both, but mostly tits. Can I feel yours (as I grabbed them before she
answered)?
My turn: are you wet right now (as I pushed my underpants against
hers)?
- Soaking.


Ok, she was on fire and so was I. I had to persuade her to my hotel
room, otherwise I would lose that momentum we had. What would be a good
excuse to get her to my room?

- Have you tried a body shot?
- What’s that?
- Oh my god, it is the most fun way to drink tequila, want to try?
- Ok.
- I got a bottle in my room, want to wait here or want walk with me?
- I’ll walk.
It was on; although I could not let her get rational or let her friends
stop her.

- We’re going to go get a bottle of tequila and we’ll be back, I told
her friends, we’ll be back in jiffy. Meet you here.
- OK!



During the walk, I stuck to the twenty questions while making out with
her occasionally.
We got to the motel. She wanted to stay downstairs and wait, I told her
she should come up so we can do a shot up there, since we needed to cut
some limes.

We got up; she went to the bathroom (probably to clean up). I got the
limes and tequila ready. She got out; I gave her a shot glass, lime,
cheers and swig! Damn good! I grab her by the waste, we make out some
more, I started taking off her clothes, and she grabs my dick. Its
motherfucking on! My pants come off before hers (you got to lead some
girls) throw her on the bed and the rest is history.

30 minutes later we are back with her friends with the bottle of
tequila. No one suspected a thing, except that she wouldn’t stop
smiling.


******* End of Case Study


In retrospect, I guess what was essential was first to find a chick
that enjoyed your approach line.

Then, what helped was that we made out less than 5 minutes, making the
whole experience emotional from the start, making it seem like we hit
it off right away.

The new technique is the sex talk, which, I must remind you, should
only be used after you made out with the chick and you two are both in
that comfort zone where you two feel like you have been dating for a
while. Any other time and you’ll scare her.

The last key thing was to close the deal right away. Take her to a
private area, a nook, your room or apartment, car etc. so that you two
can get a little wilder. Just don’t tell them what you plan to do
there, come up with a different excuse.


Try this out tonight. Let me know on Monday how fast it worked for you.