INTRODUCTION
Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It
makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her cum like crazy.
Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is the easiest way to cum
with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the planet, but if you give great
head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover. Yes, it's that important.
Besides, lots of women expect it these days - you might as well know what your
doing.
First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women's
genitalia. Guys that can't wait to get their dick into one are often reluctant
to put their face "down there". For every guy who says he loves to eat pussy,
there's another one who's squeamish. Women know this, and it affects their
ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is nothing more exciting to
a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious. Don't be coy; tell
her. When a guy fingers a lady and then smells, licks, sucks the juice off his
finger and sighs as if in heaven, she knows this is her lucky day.
What if your sweet lady doesn't smell or taste very sweet? Don't suffer. (Don't
complain, either.) Take a nice hot shower or bath together. Lather up both of
your bodies and slide them together. It's like a whole body fuck. Soap up her
vulva, washing between her outer and inner lips. Spread her lips apart and
gently wash her clitoris. Hey, don't stop - this feels great! Run your soapy
hand down the crack of her ass, and rub a finger all around her anus. You can
stick one finger in and wash around inside too, if you anticipate any anal play,
and I suggest you do. But don't put those soapy fingers up her vagina. Instead,
rinse them off well and stick one or two inside, making a circular motion. Think
about washing the inside of a tall glass - same thing. Now wasn't that fun? And
now you can feel free to let your tongue wander anywhere it pleases...
So now what? You've found a comfy spot to play, you've been kissing
passionately, your tongues darting around each other's mouths like playful
otters. You've moved down to nibble one of her hardening nipples and she's
starting to groan, grinding her pelvis against your stomach. STOP. I know it was
just starting to get good. But was she really groaning and humping you, or was
it your own excitement you were detecting? I strongly prefer to be excited
before a guy starts plunging his tongue into my inner recesses. Use your
judgement, and kiss, lick, and fondle your way down her stomach, up her thighs,
until she's arching up her back trying to get you to eat her. Of course, if she
really was groaning and grinding, go for it...I also don't particularly enjoy a
guy endlessly nibbling my inner thigh while my clit is quivering in
anticipation.
POSITIONS
If the woman you are with is somewhat hesitant about your going down on her,
start off with her lying on her back, perhaps half-sitting. Lay down between her
legs, with her legs over your shoulders. She may enjoy laying or sitting at the
edge of the bed with you kneeling. She can also straddle your face, but be
prepared to get very wet. There are endless varieties of positions where you can
press your face up to her cunt, some of which strike me as more acrobatic than
erotic, but feel free to experiment. And then there's 69...
69 is one of my favorite positions. On the plus side, you both get to enjoy the
sublime sensations of getting head, simultaneously. The upside down positioning
of a woman's pussy and your mouth is an easy fit and there's more room for your
hands. On the negative side, it's a less than ideal position for a woman to give
head. Plus, if you need to read this article, you may be better off
concentrating your energies on pleasing her, without too much distraction. But
even for experienced 69'ers, it's easy to short-change your partner. "It feels
soooo good, I'm just gonna stop for a second and concentrate on what you're...aaaarrrgghhh".
Get the picture? Some show of will-power is in order.
69 can be done male on top, female on top, or side by side. The latter two are
easier, though it's more restful with both partners laying down. Some women love
being licked on all fours, so if female-on-top 69 drives her wild, take the hint
and find some other ways to eat her in this position. I happen to enjoy male on
top, but for many women this is a sure choking position. If a woman can, or
wants to try, to deep-throat you, this is THE position. When her head is thrust
back you can really slide your cock all the way down her throat. But don't
forget what you're supposed to be doing!
So there you are staring at it - the mysterious hole from whence you came, and
into which you hope to cum again... First, an anatomy lesson...
THE CLITORIS
Before I go any further, a few words about the clitoris, accent on the first
syllable. Most of you know it, but for those who don't, it is THE woman's sex
organ, period. It may feel great to be fucked vaginally, anally or otherwise,
but if the stimulation is not right there, on the clitoris, you're ignoring the
place that's going to make her cum, and presumably that's why you're reading
this, right? It's right there at the top juncture of her inner lips, a small
knob of pink flesh. This is where it's at boys, and don't forget it. Almost any
licking and sucking of the labia or vaginal entrance is going to feel just
dandy; just remember that this is pleasurable teasing, not the main event. I
can't tell you how many guys have thrust their tongues up my vagina thinking
that this was going to make me cum. They were wrong. Of course, with a little
manual stimulation....but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Women feel differently about how much direct stimulation they can take on their
clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clits,
others will shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable
to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll
have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. IMPORTANT NOTE:
Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited.
The fact is, most women really need a good bit of stimulation before a targeted
attack on their clitoris, but once they're there, that's where you want to
devote your attention.
The key here is go slow, ask questions, and if she's comfortable with it, leave
the lights on and really explore. Body language often does tell what feels best,
but I promise, she will appreciate your attentiveness if you ask outright. If
she seems shy, get her to guide your hands and mouth with her own hand, and pay
attention. If she starts bucking up against your mouth and gasping in ragged
little breaths, for God's sake, don't use this opportunity to try something
different. Just keep doing exactly what you're doing.
THE TONGUE
I want to reiterate, there is almost nothing you can do that won't feel
terrific, so relax! I promise, you may be confused and uncertain, but she's in
heaven. Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or
anal area is going to feel just great, and I'd no sooner tell guys to "do it
exactly like this" than I would tell every chef to follow the same recipe. But
for those who are compelled to RTFM, here are a few techniques that you might
like to try:
Try lapping her pussy from vaginal entrance up to her clit, leaving your tongue
soft and jaw relaxed. This is a good way to start your tonguing.
Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia on one side, while holding the
two together with your lips. Good job, now do the other side.
Fuck her pussy with your tongue - in and out, around and around, etc. This feels
nice. Not wonderful or incredible or earth-shaking; nice.
Spread her outer lips with your hand. Then, with your tongue pointed and stiff,
gently flick here and there. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her
clit. This drives some women wild, and others can't take it. Some may prefer
that you always leave your tongue soft, so when you try this, pay attention to
whether those moans are ecstacy or pain.
The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really
hot (i.e. she's no longer coherent). These are very intense actions which may be
"too much" for some women, even when nearing orgasm.
With her clit still exposed, give it a quick little suck - pulling it into your
mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter
off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel
like torturing her (see PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER below).
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently (at first, anyway) suck on it,
simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very
lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly
produce an intense orgasm.
Another choice technique involves rolling your tongue into a tube. If you can't
do this with your tongue, you can't learn it - it's genetic. For those who can,
this works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube
around the shaft of her clitoris. Slide it up and down; in effect, your tongue
makes a tiny pussy for her clit to fuck. This also is likely to bring her over
the edge.
FINGERS
Fingers are a valuable adjunct to eating pussy. Most women masturbate by
pressing a finger or fingers over their clit, possibly "thru" the skin of their
inner or outer lips, and vigorously rubbing in a circular or back-and-forth
direction. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet,
have her show you how she likes it done. You will never be a good lover until
you can bring your woman to climax with your hands. When you fuck her from
behind, or up her ass, or really in any position which doesn't allow her to
simultaneously rub her vulva against your body, reach down or around and rub her
clit. I know it's distracting, but just do it anyway. One important point to
note: make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more
uncomfortable (and sometimes downright painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed
across one's clitoris.
Of course, that's not all you can do with your fingers. One technique which is
very exciting is to spread her lips wide apart with one hand, and with your
index finger straight like a pencil, flick the side of it rapidly across her
clit. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Combining this with
the addition of some tongue action elsewhere is nothing short of bliss.
Sticking one or more fingers inside her vagina is also wonderful. You can simply
move them in and out (this feels best with at least two or three fingers, pushed
in hard), or wriggling them around. A particularly intense motion is to face
your hand so that you have two fingers inside her with your palm facing the
front of her body. Now move your fingers rapidly, as if waving hello. You are
aiming to stimulate a particular part of the woman's vagina - namely the lower
anterior (front) part. When combined with sucking her clit, this is nearly
certain to bring her to a fast and intense climax.
An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one (and later two)
fingers inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. I'm talking about
that fleshy "mound" over her pubic bone. Your finger goes in and out and the
ball of your hand is pressed hard against her vulva. You may want to rub or even
shake the entire area with your palm.
Fingers also do nice things to tight little butt holes, but that's a whole other
story...
ANAL PLAY
This stuff is purely optional. If anal play doesn't turn you on, don't do it. If
you're uncomfortable, she'll pick up on your feelings and start wondering if
it's her pussy that's turning you off. Don't feel that you can't be a good lover
without anal play; you can.
Cleanliness is of the essence. (remember that nice soapy shower?) Scoop out some
luscious juices (from a very wet pussy) with your finger and rub it around her
anus. (If she isn't well lubricated, saliva works too.) If that's all you or she
feels comfortable with, fine - it still feels great. But I think most women
enjoy the feel of a finger pushed up their ass while they're being fucked or
eaten. You need to be gentle, possibly even leaving your finger still. Try
moving it in and out a little, or around in a circle. If she starts moaning, you
know you're doing something right.
It's really fun to feel a woman's anus rhythmically squeezing your finger as she
cums. (And it's great for her, too) You're probably thinking about what that
would feel like around your dick, and it's something you should certainly
explore. Ass-fucking is somewhat out of the scope of this article, but suffice
to say, if she doesn't like a finger up her butt, she sure as hell won't want
your big dick up there. Even if she does enjoy this sort of play, she may still
be somewhat apprehensive about putting something so large up there. The keys to
success are sufficient (i.e. copious amounts of) lubrication (a water-soluble
type such as K-Y, which is safe for condoms), relaxation on her part, and a
slow, gentle, approach. She'll certainly tell you if she wants you to thrust
harder or deeper. And remember, if you want to feel that delicious squeezing
around your cock, reach around and diddle that clit!
As for anallingus - why not? Don't feel like you HAVE to do it to satisfy your
woman. But if the idea turns you on, great. Let your tongue rove as it pleases.
It's not necessary to actually put your tongue inside her butt to stimulate the
area. Back and forth, around and around, you get the picture.
One hygiene note: once that finger (or your penis) has been inside her ass,
don't even think about putting it anywhere else. Carelessness in this regard can
cause a horrendous infection.
MENSTRUATION
I haven't met a lot of men who are completely comfortable going down on a woman
when she has her period. But some are. Most women are at their horniest before
and sometimes during their period. You should definitely find a way to make her
cum when she's bleeding, be it thru intercourse, manual, or oral stimulation. If
you feel comfortable going down on her, great. It's perfectly safe. You may
suggest that she insert a tampon, and then wash up. (As you now know, you don't
need to get anywhere near her vagina to make her cum.) Or you could lay down a
few old towels, turn out the lights, and forget about it.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
I think variety is crucial. Some guy posted an article detailing a road map of
kissing and licking (first here, then here, etc.) Much better to do the
unexpected; sometimes a hungry, aggressive approach, other times a laid-back,
leisurely one. You can even even include your nose, or your chin into the act.
Start slow, that's the key, and let your lover guide the speed of the crescendo.
In all cases, start gently. Roughness and clumsiness are big turn-offs. As she
gets more and more excited, pay more attention to her clitoris. When she's three
breathes away from cumming, moving your mouth off or away from her clit is
agony. That's fine if you're intentionally torturing her, just understand that
this is what you are doing. The only prohibition is to be reasonably gentle with
her clit. Nibbling or biting is fine elsewhere, but we're talking about a
sensitive spot.
Speaking of prolonging the agony... I think this is great fun. Bring your
partner just to the edge of orgasm, and stop. This is not easy unless you really
know your lover well. Instead, just have her help you. Say, "Grab my head and
stop me just before you think you're gonna cum." Then take your sweet time. Blow
on her clit, take it into your mouth just briefly, flick it just the very
slightest bit. You will have this woman squirming and moaning like she's dying.
Finger her deeply, enjoy the ecstasy you are imparting, and finally, have pity.
Let the poor woman cum.
UUUUNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (or, I'M COMING!!!)
Okay, she's practically suffocating you, she's pressed so hard against your
face; she's screaming and bucking up in the air; you feel her pussy contracting
wildly - how long should you keep it up?? The simple answer is, until she makes
you stop. Some women may stop you after five seconds from the start of their
climax, others may be able to roll right into another orgasm if you keep going.
Do come up for air, but remember, her excitement does not drop off as sharply as
yours does. Play it safe by continuing the stimulation.
How many times does she need to cum? Some women are very content to have one
orgasm. A whole lot of women would really like to cum again, but need about five
minutes to recoup. Many women are so sensitive right after they cum that they
may push your head violently away. This doesn't necessarily mean they've had
enough, only that you need to stop for a few minutes. In fact most women, given
a short rest between, are capable of cumming again and again. A smaller
percentage of women are able to cum repeatedly with continued stimulation. This
is the much-touted multiple-orgasm that is experienced by a minority of women. I
know this makes it difficult to know when enough is enough, but there's a simple
answer: ask her.
GODI'MSOEXCITEDITFEELSGREATBUTIJUSTCAN'TCOME
It happens to all of us sometimes - distraction, embarrassment, anxiety, or just
an inability to "let go". What do you do about it? The first question is, can
she easily bring herself to a climax in the privacy of her own home. If the
answer is no - then she needs to do some homework. There are two books on the
subject that I know of: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by
Lonnie Barbach, and Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson; pick up
one. Then tell her to read it, study it, and practice, practice, practice!
Now if your partner is orgasmic only when alone - ask her point blank: "Is there
something different I can do?" Many women are shy about criticizing their
lovers, but if asked outright will surprise you with a very specific answer. It
may be a simple matter of mechanics, like a little to right please, or not so
rough, or more pressure and faster. Ah... perfect.
But suppose everything is wonderful. She says you're doing everything right but
she just can't cum. There are two probable causes: selfconsciousness and/or
self-loathing. For women who can't help watching themselves, the best approach
is to eliminate anything that focuses her attention on what the two of you are
doing. This is a "be here now" kind of thing - definitely not an introspective
activity. Get that mirror off the ceiling. Dim the lights or turn them off
completely. Put on some soft music. Share a glass of port. (I said A glass -
getting drunk will definitely not help). Have her lay on her back, or propped up
comfortably with some pillows. This is not the time for her to sit on your face,
or the edge of the bed, or standing up against a wall. Arrange a time when you
can devote a long period to eating her pussy, and then just keep it up. Forget
everything I said about asking her questions - just close your eyes and get into
it. I know this can be a difficult and exhausting exercise, but she will be
extravagantly thankful for your efforts. It gets easier each time. If all else
fails, get accustomed to masturbating together. Gradually begin to add your
stimulation to her own, right before she's about to cum anyway. Over time, you
can take over completely.
For women who themselves feel that their cunts are dirty or distasteful, all of
the above methods may be helpful, but the underlying issue must also be
addressed. I am amazed at how many women are ambivalent about their own
genitals. They don't love "that part" of their body, and they can't believe that
you would either. Yes, it is important to be clean. But clean means a daily
shower which includes washing the vulva. It doesn't mean vainly attempting to
remove every trace of smell or taste. The natural fragrance and secretions of a
healthy woman are beautiful and erotic. Hopefully you agree (and if not, try
hard to cultivate this attitude). When she learns to love her pussy, she will be
infinitely more comfortable with your loving it too.
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TASTE:
In my experience, one of the main reasons that partners avoid female oral sex is
due to a percieved or even experienced poor taste. While it is true that women
run the range from pleasant (tasty!) to sour or uric tasting, there are easy
steps to ensure that your partner will be tasting her sweetest.
First and most obviously, a good vigorous shower will do much to neutralize the
taste of your partner. In fact, oral sex in the shower, while not a favorite
method of mine, has a completely neutral taste if you stick to the upper regions
of your partner's sex. If your partner has not showered recently, or has
physically exerted herself recently, her taste will be much stronger. This,
however, can be a good thing!
Secondly, foreplay will improve upon both the taste and the experience in
general if your can get her juices flowing. I have never found an extremely
aroused, wet woman to taste unpleasant. Quite the contrary!
FOREPLAY:
Do it! Take your time! Have fun! Experiment! A common male misunderstanding is
that females are aroused most through physical contact. Not true. I have aroused
women greatly simply by acting sexy. Tension is a wonderful tool, use it. If you
can build tension to the point where the barest touch sends electric shivers
through both of you, you can't lose! Similarly, even the best love techniques
will not turn on a woman who isn't in the mood. (If you can get her in the mood,
well then you're talking.)
Take your time, explore your partner (there's a lot more there than nipples and
a clitoris!), build tension, have fun.
POSITIONS:
There are two basic positions that I have found very versitile and succesful.
For a very comfortable session, have her lie on her back with legs spread and
knees bent slightly. Lie on your stomach between her legs, put your right arm
under her left leg and your left arm under her right - somewhat of an intimate
hug. Now you should find your head situated conveniently and comfortably near
the center of your attention.
Less comfortable, but a bit wilder is the following. Lie on your back, prop a
couple of pillows (or fold one over) under your head. Have your partner kneel
facing you with one knee on each side of your head, above your shoulders. The
sexy part of this position (IMHO) is that your partner can look down at you and
watch you eating her out. (Yum) Versatility and comfort are reduced for the
giver, so I only occasionally partake in this position.
These are by no means the only positions. Again, experiment, have fun. If you
can find a bed where your partner can lie down with her legs dangling off the
bed and resting flat on the floor, you're in luck. Now you can have her sit just
at the edge of the bed, lie back, and give you plenty of access while you
kneel/sit in front of her sex.
GEOGRAPHY:
Woman are very different in some respects of their genitalia, but the major
parts are the same. A woman's sex from the oral sex point of view consists of
two sets of lips (outer and inner) that meet just below the vaginal opening and
some variable distance above the clitoris; the vaginal opening (immediately
above the nether meeting of above-mentioned lips), a smooth section of skin
between the vaginal opening and the clitoris (I have no clue as to its technical
name, hereafter it will be refered to as the "scav") and the clitoris and its
surrounding folds.
If you get the chance, explore your partner in a location with decent lighting.
Use your hand to spread her sex and explore her, find out what's where and
what's what. Like I said earlier, women are different. Especially the location
and shape of the clitoris. It can be buried, protruding, surrounded by many
folds of flesh, or hanging out it the open. The best method I have found for
finding your partner's clitoris (If all else fails, ask!), is to place a finger
at the very base of her sex and gently run it up her scav until you feel a
slight bump. That's it.
OK, ENOUGH OF THE DETAILS, NOW THE NITTY-GRITTY:
So your partner is showered, excited and feeling sexy. It's the big moment, what
to do? Don't simply dive in. Take your time, excite her. In my opinion, I can
usually tell how good my partner is at oral sex by how she "goes down" on me. By
"going down" I mean the process by which she goes from kising my lips to sucking
oh-so-wonderfully on my sex.
Depending on your partner, different methods of going down will work more
effectively. If you've gotten to this point with your partner, you should have a
fair idea of what she likes. Take advantage of that knowledge. One thing that I
highly recommend however, is a sexy look. Sexy looks can make all the
difference, and the best place to throw one in is as you're licking, sucking and
kissing your way down her stomach stop, look up and smile devilishly.
Unbutton your partners jean's, pull the tabs back and kiss her newly exposed
flesh. Unzip her pants, pull the tabs back as far as they can go and place
light, tender kisses on her abdomen and around the top of her panties. Watch it,
some women are very ticklish here!
(Note the above doesn't work so well if she doesn't have jeans on but you're all
smart enough to figure it out...) Once you've removed everything but her
panties, stop. You have a unique opportunity for further arousal. Kiss her legs
and inner thighs with gentle kisses. Work your way up each leg and make a point
of stopping at the line of her underwear. Kiss again along the top of her
underwear, and along the other two borders.
Now move to her cotton (silk? lace? latex?) covered sex. Plant firm, dry kisses
through her underwear on her sex, low and right around the vaginal entrance
works best for me. If your partner is really excited, often her underwear will
be damp and will smell (pleasantly) of her sex.
Removing the underwear is again a matter of choice. You know your partner best,
I prefer either gently sliding it all the way off with my fingers, or pulling it
part way down with my teeth first.
DIRECT KISSING:
It is not unusual for your partner's lips to be closed together. A very excited
woman's lips may be slightly spread allready ("pouting"). Again, building
tension can be accomplished by light kisses on either side of her sex as well as
light blowing. (Do not inflate your partner! This can be very dangerous!!)
Spreading her lips can be accomplished by placing your tongue first at the base
of her sex, and then firmly running your tongue all the way up. Continue with a
few long licks from the base of her sex all the way to the top past her
clitoris. Vary the firmness of your tongue from hard and pointed to broad and
soft.
THE BIG "O":
The best and most proven method of making your partner cum through oral sex is
by repeated, rythmic stroking of her clitoris with your tongue. The tongue is
uniquely suited for this purpose because of it's texture, versatility, and
pliability. It is difficult (and tiring) to apply too much pressure to your
partner's clitoris. Some women are much more sensitive than others however. Be
receptive to any sharp gasps, you could be being too affectionate. If this is
the case, move away from direct contact or adopt a gentler technique.
Repeated, rythmic stroking can be accomplished in a variety of ways. I prefer
either rapid, repeated verticle licks with a firm, pointed tongue, or planting
your tongue firmly against your partner's clitoris and vigorously shaking your
head back and forth. (Tiring, maybe. But it's worth it!) If you are having
trouble finding the correct angle or method for rhythmically lingually carresing
her clitoris, or if you want to try something fun and new:
Toungue the abc's. No seriously! This is a great oral excercise on any part of
the body. Toungue the abc's starting with lower case, and moving though upper
case. (Heck, you could do the whole ANSI ASCII set if you'd like!) Be especially
perceptive while you do this, vary your speed and watch for sharp intakes of
breath - chances are you've hit the right angle. The abc's give a large variety
of different strokes, so come back to this excersize as often as you'd like.
A general rule of thumb (tongue?) is to start slow and pick up the pace as you
go along. This is definately a general rule though, feel free to break it by
varying your rhythm, both slowly and predictably as well as quickly and
startlingly.
OTHER FUN THINGS TO DO:
Lick between the inner and outer lips; penetrate the vagina deeply (a much
stronger, iron-like taste here); "tease" the entrance to her vagina with rapid
pokes of your toungue at varying depths; don't forget your hands, often a woman
will feel a need or ache for something inside of her while very aroused, oblige
her with a finger or two. Both kissing and manually manipulating your partner is
tough, anyone with succesful methods is welcome to pipe in.
Talk to your partner, ask her what she likes. Experiment (if you can) with many
different partners. What excites one woman a lot may not excite another as much,
but may still be well worth trying. On the other hand, you may not notice a
subtle pleasurable technique on one woman that can be easily learned on another.
The better you know your parnter, the more effectively you can please her. Have
fun!
A FINAL NOTE:
I tried to be a lot less pretentious than the male version of this article for a
few reasons. The major one is that women are very different, the above
suggestions may work wonderfully with one woman and so-so with another. Some
women simply aren't responsive to oral sex due to strong moral constraints.
Secondly, I am not an expert, though I love oral sex and have had the joy of
pleasuring 10-20 women. Third, I am still young (18) and have a lot to learn.
So feel free to comment on what you've read (men and women) and reply either
over the net or to me personally. Thanks. Hope you found this helpfull and
enjoy!
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Q. What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vagina with your mouth and
tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience, practice, and dedication to
get it right, but any woman you learn to do it right for will appreciate you all
the more for it.
What applies to the penis applies to the vulva-- every one is different,
requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But few tools can equal the
tongue for the amount of pleasure it can deliver to a happy vagina.
This article assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can identify with
some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, labia
minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to
bottom.
Q. How fast should I go?
This isn't an attack. Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a
fire. Quite often at first, the clitoris is far too sensitive for direct
stimulation. Lick around it, stimulating the hood, teasing her inner labia,
tasting her. Take your time and listen to her. Some women make noise, and some
do not. It will be a while before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as
far as oral sex is concerned.
Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the vagina, or
perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her
breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your
tongue can get at her vulva more directly.
Q. I've heard cunnilingus doesn't taste good.
If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash first. Most
people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is a good, if acquired,
taste.
As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general,
fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax-- but there
shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what
you can do for her.
Q. What about cunnilingus during menstruation?
Some people are particularly turned off at the suggestion of cunnilingus during
menstruation. If it is a concern to you, then wait. A tampon may well hold the
blood back, as will a diaphragm, but some men can't stand the taste anyway. If
your partner is healthy, however, there is no particular danger in menstrual
blood, and some women find that orgasms during their periods allievate cramps.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In my experience, when you try to explain to a man "in the moment" that he is
doing oral sex (or sometimes anything) wrong, often the result is a disaster.
You aren't into it, because you are trying to direct, and I guess for many guys
it comes off as simply insulting. It isn't a very "supportive process," to
borrow a friend's phraseology.
Example: "No, not there,...there..." (Quizzical looks, no change in behavior.)
Now, if you go looking for diagrams of women's vaginas, you will find yourself
either looking at medical textbooks or special references, such as Our Bodies,
Ourselves --- which, is presented as a "for women only" sort of thing. The
original edition even gave this little rap to men about not buying it "for"
women. Yeesh! Good book, but talk about "attitude." The new edition has
thankfully dropped this negative proscription.
You will sometimes NOT even find a clear picture of a woman's vagina in a
general sex reference, such as the original The Joy of Sex. And you won't find a
discussion of the parts of the vulva in most places. Now, go look for a picture
of a man's penis that is reasonably edifying, and you'll find them all over. I
only discovered this when I tried to look it up, and since I had never purchased
Our Bodies, Ourselves, I was SOL (corrected that, recently). I however, and all
women, have a ready-made "reference manual," provided we have gotten over the
idea, or never had it, that looking at it will somehow be a "bad thing." Men
don't have this reference manual readily "at hand," at least if their partner,
if they have one, is not immediately available and cooperative.
I have also read, and just reread, the Cunnilingus FAQ. Though it seemed
excellent in terms of mood, style of approach, all the "beginning" stuff, I
found when I applied her technique suggestions to me and my experience as a
recipient, or my experience as a giver, it was a bit short on specifics. I am
sure the described approach works very well for the woman who wrote it :), but I
have a few things that seem unsaid.
So, you have gone through all the beginning motions, taking a reasonable amount
of time, and you are starting to "get down to business." First, PLEASE turn on
the lights. Working in the dark is for experts at best. I am assuming you are
sitting between her legs, facing her, or some variation on this. Now really LOOK
at what is there. Where her hair is (or was, some people shave) is the mons
veneris, the pubic mound. If she is not aroused, everything is likely, but not
guaranteed, to be enclosed within the outer lips or labia majora, the edges of
the pubic mound that comes together to enclose her vulva.
As you spread this apart (she can bring her knees up and out, and/or you can use
your hands), you will now see the inner folds of skin of the vulva, the inner
lips or labia minora. These (usually) go all around the vaginal opening, and
come in a variety of interesting and pleasing shapes and textures.
As you observe that this encircles the vaginal opening, at the top of this you
will find what might look like a button or might look like a very tiny penis,
covered by an additional flap of skin. The flap of skin is the "hood" of the
clitoris, and is very sensitive, as is the clitoris. This is the female
equivalent of the male foreskin, though it is much looser than that
corresponding organ.
If you see what looks like a button underneath the hood, then what you are
seeing is the glans of the clitoris, exactly equivalent to your own penis glans,
or head of the penis. If you see a bit more than that, then there is probably
some of the shaft of the clitoris extending in your partner. I stress this since
most men would not be particularly enthused by a blow job that only gave
attention to their penis head and extended not a centimeter below there. Many
might find it annoying or even painful, depending on how rough their partner is
with them and how sensitive they are to pain in that area. However, told "give
attention to the clitoris," by fable and book, many brave soldiers run to do
battle on the field of their woman's desires with their tongue, only to find
their partner is telling them to please stop, it hurts, or it doesn't do
anything for me. This may or may not be a comment on your technique, some women
don't like oral sex. I would just like to suggest an approach that probably has
a higher average success rate.
The shaft of the clitoris is attached internally, back into the body of the
woman. Pressure on the spot above the glans and underneath the hood will
generally give you access to the part of the shaft equivalent to the part of
your penis that is towards your body, whereas underneath the glans will give you
access to the part of the shaft that is equivalent to the part of your penis
that is away from your body. It is likely that the skin directly below the glans
will be functionally equivalent to what is for most men the most sensitive and
pleasurable part of the penis for play, and the inner vaginal lips are also
usually quite sensitive "in a good way." Going down/in/back, you may or may not
see the urethra, if you do this is the location of the grafenberg spot (g-spot),
which we have all heard on this newsgroup is quite varied in response, some
women love stimulation there, others do not. Try licking your tongue around
there, if it is visible, and see, in the course of your "investigations."
O.K., so now you have the picture. You did trim/file your nails first, didn't
you? Play with your hands, play with your mouth, go all over, gently at first,
increasing stimulation and focus as her body responds, and coming in "closer on"
the clitoral area as she becomes more aroused. Lick, suck, point your tongue and
apply pressure, use it like a "miniature penis" under the glans, penetrating her
as you go, make little circles with your tongue, lick up and down along the skin
in front of the clitoris, up and down the inner vaginal lips, etc. These are
ideas, find some others, listen to her responses and comments. Remember to GO
SLOW --- I believe impatience and expectations of quick response are "generally
recognized as" the most common error in sexual encounters. Eventually the
clitoris will become probably become erect, and stimulation that is "more
direct" (like enclosing your mouth on the area and gently sucking) will
stimulate a sufficient amount of the organ in question to be interesting. Watch
what you are doing, and what happens, the entire area will become "engorged" and
swollen if things are proceeding closer to orgasm.
Some women may not, or may prefer not, to orgasm this way. Most will probably,
however, enjoy the experience a great deal. Hopefully this "explanation and
comparison" to the corresponding male body parts will allow you to not be
(still) in the dark with the lights on.