("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
                     `6_ 6  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
                     (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
                    _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,'
                   ((('   (((-(((''  ((((
                 K R I S T E N' S    C O L L E C T I O N
		_________________________________________
		                WARNING!
		This text file contains sexually explicit
		material. If you do not wish to read this
		type of literature, or you are under age,
		PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!!
		_________________________________________




			Scroll down to view text


















--------------------------------------------------------
This work is copyrighted to the author © 2007.  Please
don't remove the author information or make any changes
to this story.  All rights reserved. Thank you for your 
consideration.
--------------------------------------------------------

Innocence Lost 
by Jennifer Ann (jam1075@bellsouth.net)

***

A personal story of date rape. (MF, nc, date-rape, 1st)

***

I am now 27. I lost my virginity at seventeen, one 
month short of my eighteenth birthday. The boy's name 
was Scott and he was two and a half years older than 
me. I have never spoken to him about what happened. I 
haven't told many people. Less than a handful know my 
story. I have kept it a secret. However, it is time to 
tell my story. 

I am telling it now for several reasons. The number one 
reason is for me. Maybe, by telling it, I can, once and 
for all, put it behind me. Maybe, Scott will read it 
and realize just what he did. Finally, just maybe, 
someone else will not have to experience what I did, 
because of my story. 

I grew up in a rather small size southern city and went 
to a religious based high school where chastity was 
taught as a virtue. We girls were constantly preached 
to about abstinence and how it was the only way to 
insure full protection from STDs and pregnancy. 

It only stands to reason that parents who sent their 
children to religious based private schools were the 
type who kept a close watch over their children's' 
activities. I was also involved in choir, dancing and 
taking flying lessons. So I didn't do a whole lot of 
one-on-one dating while in high school. 

Still, hormones do not know what kind of school you go 
to. Like all teenagers we found ways to discover each 
other. During my senior year I did get into some heavy 
kissing and fondling with my boyfriend. I went so far 
as to suck off my "would be husband" and he managed to 
get his hands inside my panties and finger me. However, 
I remained a virgin and planned on staying so until the 
marital bed with golden ring on my finger. 

I graduated from our little safe haven of a high school 
and soon found myself on the campus of our state mega 
university. We had more kids on campus than my entire 
home town had people and dogs. I had been blessed with 
a better than average singing voice and had studied 
dance since nine. So I majored in Fine Arts. That's 
where I met Scott. 

I signed up for a dance class that had students from 
different levels. Scott, as a Junior, was also taking 
the class. He was simply the most beautiful man I had 
even seen. He had beautiful blue eyes that swallowed 
you and huge shoulders which tapered down to the most 
gorgeous butt I had even seen on a man in tights. And, 
they said that he was straight. I was in LOVE. 

Of course, there was no way I could let him know how I 
felt. Why, what would someone like him see in a little 
Freshman from the country. So when he actually came up 
and spoke to me, I thought I would die. I don't 
remember a thing I said, but I must have said something 
right. A couple of days later a girlfriend told me that 
she had heard from her boyfriend, who was friends with 
Scott that he thought I was hot. 

A week later he asked me if I wanted to go with him to 
see a touring dance group that was coming to the 
campus. We were required to attend a number of these 
events anyway, so I would have said yes to the biggest 
dork in class. Now, this was Scott asking me. Of 
course, I said yes. After the performance we went to a 
local pizza place where we met some of Scott's friends. 
Later, we all left and went to somebody's apartment 
where beer and marijuana appeared. I was more afraid of 
the marijuana than the beer, so I sipped on a beer. 

It wasn't long before Scott leaned over, lifted my chin 
and kissed me. I was in heaven! His lips felt like they 
were the matched pair to mine. My eyes closed and I 
floated into him and his strong arms, as they wrapped 
around me pulling me into his chest. 

I had no objections when his tongue begged for entrance 
and begin playing with mine. He kissed me down my neck, 
sending shivers of exquisite pleasure through my body. 
I felt his hands on my breasts which, excited me even 
more, as he pressed them through my bra and shirt. It 
was only when he tried to remove my shirt from over my 
head that I got nervous. 

There were others in the room. He suggested that we 
find a more private spot. At that point, warnings went 
off. I was afraid of getting into something, which I 
couldn't get out. But, I was so excited, it felt so 
good and I was with Scott. So I agreed. 

Soon, I was naked to the waist, as Scott devoured my 
breasts. I have never been overly endowed, but Scott 
didn't seem to care. He kissed and fondled them, 
getting me more and more excited. 

I found myself lying back on the bed with Scott's body 
on top of me I could feel his excitement through his 
shorts. I also realized that he had moved his hand 
between my legs and was rubbing me through my shorts. 
Although, my body screamed yes, my mind said NO. I 
placed my hand on his and asked him to stop. 

He didn't want to. "But, Julie," he exclaimed. 

"I'm sorry Scott," I said. "I don't want to do that 
right now." 

"Why? Are you a virgin?" 

"Yes." 

"No shit?!" 

That hurt. But, I didn't say anything at first. 
Finally, I said, "I'm sorry." 

"Look Julie," he said. "You don't have to worry. I 
won't do anything. But, you can still enjoy the 
pleasure. We just won't go all the way." 

I was torn between asking him to take me home and 
giving in. I was scared and yet, I wanted to continue. 
I gave in. 

I let him remove my shorts but I left my panties on. 
That gave me some feeling of security. We resumed 
kissing and Scott started to finger me and rub my 
clitoris. But, it wasn't the same as before. I just 
couldn't relax and enjoy it any longer. Scott must have 
picked up on my mood swing. He began to act like he was 
sad. He still kissed and touched me but I could tell it 
was somehow different. 

"What's the matter Scott? Is it me?" I asked. 

"It's alright Julie. It's just that you are so 
beautiful and I want to make love to you so bad," he 
announced. "And, besides, I've got blue balls." 

"Blue balls?" I asked. "What's that?" 

"It's when a girl gets a guy all excited. If he doesn't 
cum, his balls can begin to hurt. It's called blue 
balls." 

Now, I felt like a real shit. I had gone and caused him 
to have blue balls. Whatever, that was? However, it did 
sound horrible and I felt badly for him. 

"Can I help?" I asked innocently. 

He smiled and shook his head. "Well, you could let me 
screw you?" 

"No." I said. 

"I figured that," he said, "There is one other thing 
you could do?" 

"What's that?" 

"You could give me a blow job." 

Somehow, I felt like I was being manipulated. However, 
I had done it before and besides this was Scott, if it 
would help him? Why not? 

"Ok," I said. 

So Scott removed his pants and I got my first look at 
his penis. I will admit that the thought of giving him 
pleasure was exciting to me. My fears and doubts left 
me as I begin tentatively at first, then with more 
desire to; kiss, lick and suck on his penis. 

Very shortly, he was trying to force it deeper down my 
throat. I kept pulling my head back to stop from 
gagging. His motions and reactions told me he was 
getting close to cumming. I had never swallowed before 
and didn't want to do so now. So I was prepared to 
remove my mouth when I felt him tighten. I never got 
the chance. He grabbed my head and forced it down, as I 
felt him cum into my mouth. 

I tried to swallow but his penis was too deep and I 
couldn't. I started to gag and choke. He must have 
realized what was happening because he relaxed the 
pressure and allowed me to lift my head enough to stop 
gagging. I kept my mouth on him and swallowed as much 
as I could. 

Afterwards, he used his briefs to wipe himself off. We 
got dressed and he took me home. I lay in bed torn 
emotionally. I was pent up sexually from the making out 
but I also felt disturbed, demeaned and somehow dirty. 
The thought of making myself cum while thinking of 
Scott didn't seem right. So I did nothing. Finally, I 
fell asleep. 

***

The next week he called and asked me if I wanted to go 
with him and some friends to the upcoming football game 
on Saturday night. The game was a real experience for 
me. My high school didn't even have a football team. 
There must have been 70-80,000 people in that stadium. 

Someone had smuggled alcohol into the stadium and kept 
adding it to our cokes. By the time the game was over I 
had a real buzz. After the game every body was going to 
get together at the same apartment, as before. I felt 
uncomfortable going there again. I told Scott that I 
felt woozy and maybe he should just take me back to my 
dorm. 

When we got to my room, we sat on my bed. My roommate 
was out so we had the place to our selves. It wasn't 
long before we were at it again. I had forgotten my 
fears of the week before. I felt secure in my own room 
and the alcohol made me feel care free and amorous. 

It wasn't long before we were down to panties and boxer 
shorts. Scott's erect penis kept poking out of his 
boxers. I could feel it rubbing against my bare thigh. 
The feeling both scared and excited me. 

"Julie," he asked. "I want to give you pleasure?" 

"Oh, you are giving me pleasure." I replied. 

"No, I mean... I want to pleasure you," he replied. 

"Please Scott, I don't do... I want to wait. 

"No, I want to eat you out." 

"Eat me out?" 

"Yes, I want to eat you out till you cum." 

"But, Scott," I asked, half grossed out and half 
desirous, "Won't that gross you out?" 

"Heck no!" he said. "Did it gross you out to do me?" he 
asked. 

Actually, it did at the end. But, I couldn't tell him 
that. "No." 

"Well, then, why should I be grossed out? Besides, you 
will love it. I promise." 

Of course I gave in. I let him remove my panties, which 
was my last barrier and line of defense. 

He began to eat me out. It felt good, very good. 
However it was like the last time, in the apartment. I 
was anxious. I couldn't relax enough to cum. There was 
this warning in my head that wouldn't go away. 

He must have gotten tired because he stopped and slowly 
kissed his way up my belly and to my lips. I could 
smell myself on his face and tried to turn my face 
away. I didn't want to kiss him just then. It seemed 
gross and dirty. He just started kissing my neck and 
ears then he was kissing me on the lips. Before I could 
say anything, his tongue filled my mouth. 

It felt nice to be held and in his arms and to feel his 
body against mine. Soon however, he shifted his 
position till so that his legs were between mine. I 
could feel his penis rubbing my thigh below my vagina. 
Fear shot through me like electricity. 

"NO Scott!" I exclaimed. 

"Don't worry Julie, It will be good," he said. "You 
will love it." 

"Please Scott, no! I don't want to," I cried and tried 
to push him off of me. 

He covered my mouth with his and shoved his tongue into 
my mouth. I felt him use his legs to force mine open. I 
could feel his penis rubbing against me trying to get 
in. 

"Please God, make him stop," I prayed. But, God didn't 
help me. 

He jabbed me once, twice with his penis, missing. Then 
supporting himself with one arm he grabbed his penis 
with the other, rubbed it between my lips to 
positioning it correctly. Then he forced his way in and 
raped me. At first he penetrated me just a little, then 
deeper and finally, all the way. 

I once read, where some man said that if rape is 
inevitable, the woman should just lie back accept it 
and enjoy. My question for him is, "If your testicles 
are in a vice that is slowly being tightened, will you 
accept it and enjoy?" 

I know now that you didn't take long. However, at the 
time it seemed like forever. I felt fear. Fear of 
getting pregnant. Fear of getting AIDS. I also felt 
like part of my soul was being torn out of me as I lay 
there. No Scott, I felt no pleasure. It was not good 
and I hated it. 

I barely felt the pain of my hymen breaking. I felt a 
far greater pain. Each stroke took away more and more 
of my self-worth. It made me feel dirty, cheap and 
demeaned. I remember thinking that this couldn't be 
happening. He wouldn't do this to me. All the while, I 
knew I was lying to myself. I wondered what I had done 
to cause this to happen. 

Then I felt you go rigid and I knew you were cumming. 
No, I didn't feel your "hot spunk splash and slam 
against my uterus," as the porn stories like to say. I 
felt the fear and anguish that I was now pregnant and 
the life I knew was finished and destroyed. 

I don't remember much after that. I remember you 
mumbling something about "sorry" or "had to." You got 
dressed and left. My roommate found me lying on the bed 
still naked, in the fetal position and crying. She 
wanted me to report you and press charges. I wouldn't. 

The fear of being known by all as a soiled woman was 
too much. I couldn't handle any more demeaning. No, it 
was better to just suppress what happened and move on. 
Suppress it I did. Move on, was much harder. 

You see Scott; you took more from me than my virginity. 
You took my innocence of life and love. You took more 
than my womanhood. You took from me what it means to be 
a woman. That is why I would never speak to you when 
you called. That is why I dropped the dance class and 
later changed schools. I couldn't handle seeing you 
again. 

For years, I was afraid of men. Even today, my eyes 
search every man who approaches me for signs of danger. 
I am often still uncomfortable when alone around a man. 
I later slept with other men. But, I could never 
abandon myself to love making. I found it hard to trust 
them. It kept me from really enjoying sex, and I am 
sure, made me less than a perfect partner. 

It was only when Bill came along, the man who managed 
to repair much of the damage you did to me, that I was 
able to learn how to trust without fear and 
reservation. He somehow understood my reluctance was 
fear. He was loving, caring and gentle. Most of all he 
was patient. He never forced me to do anything I didn't 
want or which made me feel uncomfortable. He made me 
feel special. He taught me how to give myself to a man. 
You might say, he gave me back the womanhood you took 
away. 

When Jesus died he said, "Father forgive them for they 
know not what they do." I have forgiven you for what 
you did. Maybe you didn't know what you were doing. 
However, so far I haven't been able to forgive you for 
what you took and can never return. Maybe, if you read 
this you will understand what you did. That would be 
enough. 

***

Comments and genuine critiques may be sent to me at: 
jam1075@bellsouth.net 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kristen's collection - Directory 49