("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._ `6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`) (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-' _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,' (((' (((-((('' (((( K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N _________________________________________ WARNING! This text file contains sexually explicit material. If you do not wish to read this type of literature, or you are under age, PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!! _________________________________________ Scroll down to view text -------------------------------------------------------- This work is copyrighted to the author © 2010. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. All rights reserved. Thank you for your consideration. -------------------------------------------------------- The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest by RankAmatr (rankamateur@writeme.com) *** A late 90s series of incest sanerios proported to be from contributors. As far as we know there were a total of 23 issues total. (MF, FF, bi, inc) *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 1 [Ed. note: This begins a series of reposts to alt.sex.stories. moderated of the entire series of digests. My thanks to Eli for providing this service, as it gives me another forum to post where spam is not the order of the day, and at the same time, there will now be a web archive of the series!] [Ed. note 2: I now have a lifetime e-mail address (rankamateur@writeme.com) and I'm going to use that from now on. I'm still rankamatr@aol.com for a little while.] Even though incest is considered society's #1 taboo, it is likely one of our best kept secrets. It is my belief that if the real facts were to be known, in proportion to other sexual behaviors, it is more likely that an individual would have had sexual relations with a brother or sister, than to have perhaps engaged in homosexual activities or other shared experiences. I am interested in hearing from individuals who have had sexual relations with a family member, and what direct and actual impact this type of an relationship has had on you. I am not looking for details of respective experiences, but just simply; ...With whom (Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, etc.). ...At what age? ...Who 'wooed' who? ...How you feel about your experience(s) today? You can be assured the confidentiality of any information provided will not be compromised. If you've had an experience you would like to share, please direct your responses to: RankAmateur@writeme.com The following are stories I have received so far. Thank you. *** I was seduced at an early age by an aunt and never regretted it whatsoever. It made me into a great lover of women. *** I had sex with my cousin when I was 16 and she was 17. Before that we had kissed but that was it. I am now 23, we continue to have sex whenever it is possible. We both feel it has helped our sex lives extremely. We can share with each other fantasies that we are afraid to share with others. I would say that it was and has been the greatest sexual experience of my life. I love my cousin dearly for sharing all our times together. *** I recently had sex with my first cousin. We're both grown, I'm married and she's divorced. We've always felt an attraction, but nothing happened until I took the initiative and seduced her after a family get-together. We did it again a few weeks later. It was fun when it was happening, and she said she enjoyed it, but now she won't call me back. I'm afraid it's bothering her now, despite the fact that she claimed she had no hang-ups about incest. See my recent posting to alt.sex.incest entitled "Fucking my Cousin (M/F, true, incest)" for more details. *** My cousin and I have had sex on and off for the last ten years or so. It is very casual and we both enjoy it. It is very consensual since we were in our early twenty's when it started. We both see other people and have been married before. She lives in the Midwest and I live on the west coast so we don't see each other often enough to get bored with it. *** Have had such experiences. Cousins, nieces, aunt, half- brother. All enjoyable. I agree this is an under- recognized part of our lives. Would like telling you about these, but do not totally trust this distribution system. Perhaps there are ways to work it out. Let's talk. I can finance long distance call if necessary. *** I had sex with a cousin who is 4 years younger. As a matter of fact, one of her children is mine. *** I was adopted by my parents at age two. My first memory of incest was when I was in preschool and as my mother drove me home, she fondled my crotch as she drove. Sometimes she would come to bed with me and fondle me there. Full intercourse started when I was eight and continued for seven more years. It also included my sister who was four years older and also adopted. Soon I was having intercourse with her and this lasted for ten years, even after she was married. My sister and I still get together about four times a year and enjoy each other very much. I am now 41 and she is 45. The experiences were very positive, both my mother and sister were gentle and kind. I always received positive reinforcement when I pleased them. To say the least, I was trained very well in pleasing a woman, and my wife can attest to that. I cannot think of any negative results other than it took me 18 years after I was married to tell my wife and I always felt guilty of holding back with her. We fantasize regularly now. *** I began having sex with my older sister, I was 8 or 9 and she was 16 or 17, I really enjoyed it but she refused to let me touch her when she began going steady. It was then when I turned to my younger sister. By then I was 12 or 13. We continued having sex all through my college years until I moved out of state. We see each other infrequently but we do talk on the phone and fantasize about our sex. When we do get together we have super sex. I am now 44 and she is 37. I have also had sex with my daughter. This began when she was 15, she is now 20 and married on her own. We all lead very productive lives now. Please let me share the stories of others. *** Hi, yes I have I've been with my mom, dad, brother, and both of my sisters. Since I don't live with mom and dad anymore they are pretty much out of the picture, but I live with one of my sisters and our brother lives close by. We all spend a lot of time together if you know what I mean. All us girls are bisexual because of this and we love it. I am the middle of 3 girls. My older sister started having sex when she was 12. I started with her at 10. I was 12 before I did anything with my brother or father. Same with the others. I guess 12 was the decided age. Anyway, the experiences we have all shared has brought us all close together. No regrets here. We're all glad we did it. I hope this helped your survey. *** Hi, I read your note inquiring about those who have had incest. I am a 22 yr old college student and I have been sexually active with my twin sister since 14, we enjoy our relationship very much and are planning to live together after we both graduate from college this summer. Our dad died from cancer just a few weeks before we graduated from high school and a little over a year later mom joined us kids in our lovemaking and it has been wonderful making her happy. I am going to college close to home and I am home on most weekends. Mom and I spend a lot of time together in bed. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 2 Incest is prevalent in our family, I have an uncle and aunt (dad's sister) who have 18 kids, and most of them have been or are involved in incest with siblings. The older ones teaching the younger ones how to have fun. I would be interested with how many replies you receive and how most feel about their relationships. *** My mom and dad both introduced me to sex at the tender age of 7. I walked in on them in the act and rather than throw me out they invited me in to watch and learn. Eventually the "lessons" progressed further to the point where I participated in their lovemaking. It was wonderful! I felt very special, very loved and VERY grownup. I never regretted it for a minute. We had and still have a very open caring relationship. Unlike many children and most adolescents I knew how much they loved me and trusted me. I was never forced or coerced. I believe that my incestual relations with mom and dad were the basis for the exciting sex life I now have. I'm so happy they didn't let taboo stand in the way of expressing their love for me physically. *** My wife and I would like to receive any stories you can forward to us. We have been involved for quite a few years. We have three children. All are involved and have been since they were in their teens. They are now 20, 19 and 18. *** Nice post! I have been sexually intimate with my father since I was 14 (now 19). While I have never had any real head trips from it, I think it is frequently difficult for my dad to deal with. He has repeatedly tried to "end" it, but never for more than a couple of weeks. He also has real hang-ups about having certain types of sex with me, even though he knows I personally enjoy them. I would like to be able to talk with him more about his feelings, but it is hard for him to talk to me about it. I think he feels that he is "sick", or something, and I think that the fact that he can't actually control his desires is also upsetting to him. I have always told him that I don't think you can make black and white judgments about it. This kind of a relationship is different for different people, and for some people it can be very positive, and very right. About my mother: I have one, but we have never been close, and she and my father divorced about 4 to 3 years ago. She had no "involvement," but she was the "cause" of it. She was/is a complete alcoholic who was drunk by 10 am, and passed out by about 3 in the afternoon every day, and was really nothing but a vegetable in our home. *** First I must admit my curiosity for your inquiry. I have protected the secrecy of my relationship with my mother for years but have become more curious if others share similar experiences. It started in my teens. My mother initiated the exploration when she believed I was asleep. It is common for adolescents to have an erection when sleeping. My mother first explored me by looking at my erection, later by touching it with her hand and finally by oral contact. This occurred at intervals during my teens and I had learned to feign sleeping if I was awakened during the contact. It stopped when I went away to college. Some years later, when I was in my mid twenties and my mother in her mid forties, after a party celebrating my mother's birthday, we were cleaning up. The good humor and alcohol relaxed us and, more from curiosity and a sense of trust, the subject was broached. It probably was awkward at first but then we both found that bit of past both complimentary and exciting. Perhaps the wine contributed to the decision but our discussion had proceeded into some very intimate and arousing subjects and we decided to do a bit more exploring. With mutual physical contact and stimulation, we were both excited to the point that full intercourse occurred. I found it to be a fantastic experience and my mother agreed that she found it similarly rewarding. Since then, we frequently have very satisfying intercourse. Perhaps the taboo nature of our relationship adds to the excitement but we are also careful, society judgments being what they are, and intend to continue our secret affair indefinitely. As I stated, I am curious if others have had similar experiences and are dealing with it comfortably. I would be interested in any information you have and would appreciate your response. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 3 With sister (Well we tried) it was when we were in primary school (Below age 12 anyway), she is 18 months younger than me. We never did get it right (no actual penetration, we tried though, too young maybe? *shrug*), mutually masturbated each other quite a bit. I can't speak for my sister but I don't think it has affected me either beneficially or adversely. *** My experience would fit with your suspicions, for I had a long-standing incestuous relationship with my older sister that served more to bond an already healthy connection that has lasted all these years to now. I've written of our early sexual awakening, at least with each other, of the halting and hesitant attraction we discovered for each other and how that slowly progressed. Some readers, looking for fantasy fulfillment perhaps, have registered a modicum of disappointment that (so far) "haven't done it yet." But that slow-as-molasses mutual seduction was as it really happened. While there was more to occur between us, I've not written more than the first ten chapters and this small novel. For your purposes, the experience, based on openness and honesty, served us well. We came to know ourselves, our sensuous and sexual selves well in our incestuous relationship. We remained close, at first physically as well as emotionally, and later, on different sides of the country, there continues to exist a strong tie of warmth and trust. To this day I fantasize about her. I've not written about the fantasies I had about my mother. That remains in the shadows of my closet. *** My sister and myself had sex at age 14 (we were each other's first time). It was a wonderful experience.. although I admit it never lasted long enough for my liking. I look back on it with very fond memories today. *** I have had sex with sis. She's 20 and I'm 22, and male. Both love it. Have you seen the book, "Children and Sex". Finkelhor, in an article in there, does produce data which does show more sibling sex than homosexual sex! You stand correct. Please e-mail me back the results of your studies... *** My guess is that a lot of siblings experiment sexually. My brother and I did. He was my first, and pretty much my only (at least my only steady sexual partner) in high school. It wasn't until we got back together again as adults, and reacquainted ourselves, sexually I mean, that we began to fall in LOVE. And that, I'm sure you know, is an entirely different thing all together. *** Well, by the age of 8 or 9, I've played the bionic man with my sister. She was the bionic woman, in our play. Usually, it was not sexual. But by two or three times, we have had sexual contact. She took my penis in her mouth once, but just with her lips. Her tongue stayed away and it lasted only a few seconds. (A single insertion.) I have kind of masturbated her with my big toe another time. Once, we had interfemoral intercourse. I was fucking her thighs, sort of. And I came that way! Generally, she was just dancing naked in front of me. She is three years younger than me. Our last game play ended when I was about 12-13, I think. After a bath, I went in bed with her and poured some honey on her tits and I then proceeded to lick them clean. I don't even remember if I was excited or not when I did these things. I am not excited at all to write them, now. I am now 26, living with my girlfriend and my sister. (Up to July...) I have absolutely no sexual desire for my sister today. But we talk about sex pretty openly. I know she once let a cat lick her clit, she also made love with her boyfriend next to another couple of friends, she enjoys cock-sucking (she said she probably have a g-spot in the top of her mouth). We have never talked about what happened when we were younger but I sometimes do jokes, just to test her. Like if she says she is out of sex, I ask her if I can help. No success.. :) I don't expect any, however. *** My sister, when I was 17 and she was 20. *** I would love to trade experiences with someone.....I have had an intimate relationship with both my sister AND my brother. *** I would be interested in sharing the information you are seeking. I have been looking for a suitable forum to discuss this issue since it is not exactly the main topic of polite conversation at cocktail parties. I have had actual sexual experiences with a family member and would like to discover how prevalent this type of behavior actually is. To date neither I nor my sister, with whom I engaged in this "relationship" have not discussed our experiences with anyone other than ourselves. *** I had sex with my sister for about 3 yrs. beginning when I was 15 and she was 13 years old. We are now in our mid-thirties living independent but productive lives. *** I don't know why your page contains no negative comments on incest, there must be a reason for the fact that people with negative feelings about this subject don't react. However what I do know is that there are a lot of boys and girls on this planet who are engaged in incestuous relationships. A lot of them (I don't know which portion) are deeply unhappy with their situation, because it often involves abuse of power by an elderly. So I maintain my point of view that your page, even though being assembled democratically, is in no way an adequate representation of reality. For a fact I can tell you that 1 in 7 girls in Holland have encountered something like incest. I can't tell you how many enjoyed it and how many didn't, but it is reasonable to say that most didn't, just read the newspapers and watch the news. I don't have any stories to post, since I happily have no other relation with this subject than through fantasy on the odd occasions. *** I am male 40 years old, it all started when I was around 12 and had to go into hospital to be circumcised. Following the operation, besides being very painful the penis needs to be cleaned frequently to avoid infection, My mom did this, and it gradually became more than just medical care. We had always been quite open as a family, and nudity was in a lot of cases taken for granted. At 12 years old both me and my sister used to bathe and shower together (sister 2 years older) Mother encouraged sexual touching by my sister on the pretence that she was helping her to fix my dressing, this developed into full sexual contact between my sis an myself, and still continues today although we are both happily married. For several years now I have thought that this should end, but always come to the conclusion that I only think this to conform!!! All my experiences I consider have been fulfilling and I regret none of them. I would be happy to share some of them with someone who...possibly? ...feels the same way, or has a genuine interest. *** You didn't mention response from you on submissions. How does that go. I don't like one-way streets very much. Also you give the impression that you're only interested in male/female incest. How about that... *** Is your "survey" genuine? I hope so, because I am in the distinct minority of persons who feel that incest can be very positive. I would like to network with such people. *** My incestuous experiences were with my brother who is 5 years older. (Male on Male) He introduced me to mutual masturbation and anal sex when I was about 8. I don't think that it has adversely affected me at all. I am normal, heterosexual, and a good relationship with my wife. *** I have fucked my niece several times over a period of 7 years or so. Whenever she comes to visit and swim nude in our pool I screw the crap out of her if my wife is not around. She loves being screwed by an older man. I am 40 and she is now 17. We started when I found her sticking a hot dog up her pussy when she was about 11 yrs old. She cried and promised anything if I would not tell her parents, so I taught her to eat my cock and it led to me screwing her. She still comes to visit and she still likes my cock in her pussy. We see each other 1-2 times a year and always have some good sex. *** Well for a year my mother and I were having sex, I was 17 and she about 37. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 4 I think the answers you are getting to your question on incest are one-sided. I agree that incest is much large than is admitted, having several friends that have participated in it. However, it is not likely for someone who has suffered because of it to answer to your question because of the shame they feel. I will tell you about one of my friends. Her father is a Minister at a Methodist church. She has two brothers who are older than her. Her father started molesting the brothers at an early age (not sure when). They believed it to be OK since their father did it to them, so they both tried it out on her (my friend). For 7 years her brothers continued their incest. She even had an abortion at age 13-14 because of her brothers. She told the authorities, teachers, and doctors.. all knew, but never followed up on it. She was one person who did not find incest positive. She has been institutionalized several times for depression and other problems. She sees life as a living hell. Please add this with your postings in the newsgroups, because it is a side that needs to be told. I Am not condemning it... I have not personally experienced it, but I have seen several results of it->none of which are good. *** Hi, I had a fairly long affair with my aunt (mother's sister) - on and off for about 7 years. The whole thing ended more than ten years ago because I left my home- country and came to the U.S. I come from an Asian society where "sex" as a whole is more of a taboo subject - and sexual freedom is a lot less compared to the west. I grew up spending a lot of time with my relatives on my mom's side. My first "sexual experiences" (not necessarily ones in which I took part) were all more or less related to peeping at women in the household - like taking baths, changing clothes, and occasionally (if I got lucky) sexual intercourse. During my high-school years - a combination of pornography (that was the only regular outlet for sexual tension) and the occasional peeping episodes had made me very horny in general. Around this time I got really hooked on this aunt of mine - who had all the right things in the right places to drive a teenager crazy. I don't think she ever considered me to be a "grown-up" and was quite careless about my getting to see parts of her sexy body. If anything she probably enjoyed my desperation. To make a long story short - this gradually led to a situation where - quite often - especially at night - whenever there was the opportunity - she would slip into my bed - jerk me off - and depending on her mood - let me play with her absolutely stunning breasts. But for the longest time - she would never let me touch her "down there". I was very curious about that mysterious place which she kept out of bounds - primarily because it was so heavily covered with hair that I could hardly see anything at all even if she changed clothes right in front of my eyes. Eventually, in my 2nd year in college - things became a lot more "adult". She let me ejaculate anywhere on her ass, or thighs or any other part of her body. She also let me masturbate her AFTER she was sure I wouldn't get an erection again for a while. This went on for about 2 years. I was quite happy with this routine - although I really felt like doing it all - at least once. That chance came much later - when I planned things in such a way that I would catch her off guards - close to the peak of her orgasm. I just switched gears - stopped stimulating her clit - and got on top and pleaded desperately. And it worked! That was probably the most exciting thing that ever happened to me. For almost two days in a row - I was free to do whatever I wanted - whenever I wanted. It was like a real-life workshop in executing all the fantasies one ever had! It has been a long time - and I haven't seen her for years. I thinks she is still filled with a lot of guilt. But I think she is also relieved that I am so far away - and we don't have to meet socially in the presence of other family members. *** I have only told 2 other people in the world about this, but now I'm telling you... I married a woman in 1981 who had 2 daughters, 11 and 13 at the time. About 6 months into the marriage, my wife had 2 operations on her cervix which made intercourse very painful... we stopped having sex... but I would take one or the other of the girls and show them my penis, finally teaching them to take it into their mouths and sucking on it until they "made Daddy shoot his cream", always on their tongues and into their young mouths. I loved them more than I ever loved their mother. Now, 15 years later, I still see the younger one and she still likes to have my penis in her mouth as we go to sleep. I use her in motels every chance I get...I hope this positive experience is helpful to someone out there. *** I had sex with my mother when I was 16. My father had recently died and I spent a lot of time with my mother. We took trips and would get only one room at motels. Hard to say who wooed who, but one night when we were sleeping in the same bed I awoke with my mother caressing my balls, and we were soon kissing deeply. She went down on me and I came more than I have ever cum since. We then made love regularly for about six months, when she started dating another man. The last time we had sex was a sad time; we both knew it was the last time. I have never regretted it and I know that she didn't either; it was something we both needed at the time. *** My sister and I had oral sex on and off from the time I was about 15 till I was 20. She is 2 years younger than I. Mostly I went down on her. We had bedrooms facing each other. She would rock her waterbed and make it make sloshing sounds and that was kind of my cue. I would go over and she would lift her night shirt. To this day, I have not tasted pussy as sweet. There was never any force, and most of the times it happened she would come to me and outright ask me to "lick" her. We didn't speak during sex (for me, it was because my mouth was busy) probably out of fear or the parents catching us. You know how fundamental religions are about these things. I don't think I learned much about pleasuring women, but I did learn that I love to go down on a woman (if she is moderately clean). I still fantasize about it now and then. The only detrimental affect it's had is that she started feeling guilty about it and made a big scene about it all. The fact that she feels bad about it hurts me. She didn't speak to me for about 4 years. Only recently has she started coming around and acting like I'm human again. I don't know what kind of affect it had on her in general because even now she won't talk about it. *grin* As it turns out, she was in a monthly porn magazine that I occasionally pick up. I bought the month after she was in it and found her picture in the letters to the editor. The letter mentioned the issue and showed one of the photos from the pictorial. Still trying to collect that one, but it's been a couple years. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 5 I started with my sister at the age of 17 and she was 15. She started tickling me and her hands repeatedly went to my cock. Then she stood up and asked if I wanted her to pose like the women in my girlie magazines. I said yes and I jacked off as she did. When my cock was hard, she came over and mounted it and we fucked till I started to cum and she pulled off and let it shoot all over her face. We fucked several times a week till she was 18 and went to college. we still do it once and a while, ever after 20 yes. we still enjoy it, and do it when we aren't getting enough from our spouses. *** I wonder how many of these stories are genuine. Mine is. I am a married woman, now 41, with a son 15. I am Caucasian of German and Italian heritage, 5'5" 120 pounds and most people consider me pretty attractive. My son and I have been "involved" since he was 13. It is hard to say who seduced who since we are a family that openly displays affection with lots of normal hugging, kissing etc. Plus we are not ashamed of our bodies, although open nakedness is not the rule and we do have some modesty. However, since my son and obviously he grew up with me taking care of him he is not too shy around me, although as he has grown up he is a little more so. Basically, I guess I really started to notice his body more as he entered puberty and began developing and thought he was very beautiful (I guess most mothers would think that about their sons). Since he was always very comfortable around me there was never any big issue about his nakedness or me seeing him that way. Looking back on it I realize it was his way of apparently trying to interest me in him in other than a motherly way. At first I thought I had seduced him but I realized after a little while that he had been taking every chance to peek at me in the shower and when I dressed and always seemed to be walking in on me in my bedroom, etc. and then I realized that he had an interest in me for awhile. His freedom and comfort in his nakedness around me I think was also sort of a "display" for him to interest me in him (and it worked!). We have very loving sex about three times a week and it is very fulfilling for both of us, and very loving. Sexually it is very complete for both of us, and I never fail to reach an orgasm when with him. He of course, at his young age, can enjoy multiple ejaculations with the briefest of rests between times. When his father goes out of town on business Chris sleeps with me and it is truly wonderful for both of us. His father (my husband) knows nothing of this and I'm sure would go bull shit if he ever found out, so it is a secret. I would be interested in hearing from other women who share my feelings. *** I started having sexual intercourse with my brother when I was 17-years old and he was 22. Although he initiated the intimacy, I was quite willing since I had always been attracted to him. I found that having sex with him was more exciting than with my boyfriends at the time and, as the years have gone by, we continue to enjoy fantastic sex with each other. I am now 37 and married and he is 42 and married. Neither my husband nor his wife are aware of our sexual relationship. One of the more exciting aspects of having sex with my brother is that we do things to and with each other that we don't do with our spouses. I hope you find this useful for your survey. *** I saw you post and thought that I would reply. I grew up with only one parent, my mother. After I grew up, I started college and rented a room from her. When I was 23, we started to have sex. It was a mutual thing and we continue to do it even today. *** Between the ages of 13-16 I committed incest with my sister who is 3 years younger than I am. We never had intercourse, but we did participate in oral sex and masturbation. I hit on her, but she enjoyed it. We have never told anybody and we don't do this anymore. Now I have my partners and she is beginning to have her own partners. It was somewhat enjoyable, but I have found many partners that are much more exciting. It was just a way for me to get off without a girlfriend and without masturbating myself. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 06 I don't know if my experience really qualifies as "incest" or not. In my family, of which I am the first one "out of the sticks" it is not at all uncommon for 2nd or 3rd cousins to marry. I guess that is the reason that when I watched the movie "Deliverance" the first time I certainly had more in common with the "hill folk" than I did with the city slickers from Atlanta out polluting the river. Anyway, when I was in High School, which was down in Texas, several of my cousins also attended school with me. It is a difficult enough time for most teenagers to contend with sex to begin with, but with cousins it is possible to achieve a level of communication that you just cannot achieve with other friends. My cousins, three girls on my dad's side of the family and two on my mother's and I were all very close. I was a good looking young man and although I had very few problems getting dates, my cousins and I were always very close. At different times I had sex with all five of them. Two of them, one on my dad's side and one on my mom's are the same age as I am, while the others are one to two years older or younger. The first one that I had sex with is 2 years older than me. She was a majorette and cheerleader. We were close to begin with and sex seemed on the natural thing. I guess she told the others and one after the other they all approached me. Never did I actually insist that we have sex. For all of them I was their first. In one respect I should feel lucky, in others I guess I should be ashamed. Most of this occurred when I was between 16 and 18 years of age. I joined the military in 1969 and went to Viet Nam. It was the only right thing to do then. When I came back most of the girls were married or living in other towns. I don't think it really had a detrimental effect on any of us. We are still a very close family and we see each other every few years, usually when one of the old folks passes away. Only one of them has ever approached me again and this happened at a family reunion in the late 1970's. She had a bad first marriage. Late in the evening she and I were setting around drinking beer. The subject of her first time came up and she said she always remembered it as one of the nice things between us. Before we knew it we were doing it again. The amazing part of the whole thing is that sex seemed to be the right thing for us to do. It is entirely different than sex with your spouse, for one thing it is a lot more intense. I don't know if it is the taboo aspect of it or what, but sex with my cousins was the most physically exciting sex I have ever had. Is it bad to look forward to such and experience? I don't think so. Jeff Foxworthy sure knows about it, "A redneck goes to the family reunion looking for girls." ha. *** My cousin and I had a sexual relationship from the time we were 5 till 17 yrs old. He lived with us for a time and was very much a brother. We started experimenting at 5 in an exploratory way. We thought nothing about it being wrong. By the time we discovered it was "not correct" for close relatives let alone boys to play like this, we figured that it still felt good so what the heck. We both would switch being the girl, so we satisfied each other. Soon we discovered oral sex and performed it on each other regularly. We never had what you'd call a romantic attachment though, no kissing or anything like that. I first had sex with a girl when I was 9 with a friend down the street I'd known all my life. This made us feel grown up, on top of having something fun, secret, and special between us. We did it a few more times at sleepovers and such. By the time I was 13, I had become an open minded boy. I knew a lot about sex as I read a lot and felt I had some experience. It was at this time my sister (12) became sexually aggressive. She knew nothing of my experiences. She seemed to like to wrestle in underwear, try to catch you in the shower and sneak peeks. We went on holidays and we got to stay in our own motel room next to our parents. Like a lot of conversations between kids late at night, it turned to sex and under the pretense of curiosity or practice or whatever it led to actual sex. I found the weirdest part the first kiss. We had already touched each other all over, but I'd never kissed anybody properly before. She kissed me first. I wanted to kiss someone for a long time but when it happened, for a second all I could think of was this was my little kid sister not a real woman. I kissed her back so she wouldn't think there was something she did wrong. The third time something broke then we couldn't get enough. Suddenly we were giddy all the more because we were siblings. We did everything. The next day we were a bit shy but blown away by the fact we had a lover who'd been there all along. We knew we'd do it again and we did. We were very good together. By the time we were 16 we started cooling to each other. She got a boyfriend, then I got a girlfriend and we became ordinary teenagers. My cousin and I still played a bit but it knocked off by the time I was 17. My sister never knew. We all went on to do fine with our lives and are happy in our relationships. I ended up an average hetero.. I'm glad we learned from each other when we did and I feel there's nothing wrong with it. I'll bet a lot more goes on than we know. So long as people with dirty minds don't make the individuals feel bad about themselves, it's just growing up. I feel we know each better because of it and are more bonded. Kids do have sex lives and as long as it's between them on their own terms that's fine. And if your sister is attractive, don't try and tell me you haven't caught yourself checking her out when she walks out in summer in a bikini! *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 07 Hi! I don't really know where to start, but I have been having sex with my older sister since my early teens. She walked in on me while I was masturbating. She said, it was only natural for people to masturbate and offered to masturbate with me. She was older than me so I quess you could say she 'seduced' me. We masturbated together. Eventually, I was asked if I would like to touch her pussy ane breasts which I did as she fondled me. We both had a great time and masturbated each other to orgasm. After a couple of times together, we progressed into having sex. She was my first. We have a very special relationship and still have sex even though we are both now married. My wife knows about us having sex, but my sister's husband doesn't. My wife is still very secure in our marriage. *** I was very interested to read your article, and in fact would be interested to read more, especially interested to read brother/sister stories. Please-mail me with anything you have that might be of interest. I have never told anyone of this story, and yes, anonymity is very important. My story started when my sister and I were kids, she was probably 9 and I was 12, it was typical "playing doctor". After a few times and realizing my sister enjoyed these games I started to take them further, we progressed from touching to mutual masturbation, oral sex. We used to sneak around outside in the bushes or in the house when no one was at home, take our clothes off, and I would finger her and fuck her with things like candles and show her how to stroke and suck my erection. Finally I took it even further and had sexual intercourse with her one day when the rest of the family was out. We had sex with each other another dozen times or so over the next year, outside in the bushes, in her room at night, and always my sister showed eagerness and seemed to enjoy the excitement of what we were doing. It was several years later when we next got together, I must have been 19 which would have made her 16. We were very close, it started one night when we were at home alone and drinking my dad's whisky, I had always been sexually attracted to her, especially since she reached puberty, she had a nice body. Finally I just asked her if she wanted to get naked with me, she was nervous and embarrassed at first but seemed relaxed and excited after we got our clothes off. Her naked body was beautiful, I think it was the fact that it was so wrong and so naughty that made it so incredibly exciting, it was a buzz that was so strong it was like a drug with me. After several sessions of mutual masturbation we actually engaged in intercourse. I made sure not to cum in her so the chances of her getting pregnant was smaller. She was much more responsive than when she was younger, I don't know if she had an orgasm but she did seem very excited. Over the next 4 years we had sexual intercourse or masturbated each other often, usually about once or twice a month. I always tried to make sure we did it right after her period to reduce the chances of her getting pregnant. Usually I would sneak into her bedroom late at night, sometime I snuck into the bathroom while she was in there, and occasionally we would do it outside which was especially exciting. We almost got caught by our parents several times and once by some neighbors when I visited her while she was baby-sitting. This risk element added to the incredible excitement even more. The last time we had sex was three years ago, we were both married by then and we were at home visiting the parents for Christmas, everyone got very drunk and late at night we slipped outside and we fucked inside my parents caravan. It was the most furious sex I had ever had, it was powerfully erotic. Soon after that I called her and asked her to meet me at a hotel room, I desperately wanted to have sex with her again. She showed up with her husband, she told me she had told him everything and it had to stop, I had never been so embarrassed and humiliated in my life. We talked later and she told me she felt very guilty about the secret she carried with her and was so relieved to get it off her chest. I think incest will always be much more alluring and exciting and any other form of sex because it was taboo. Sex with my sister was the ultimate form of erotic lust, the excitement of doing something so wrong was enormous, there were no emotions mixed in, there was no worry that she might leave me. *** My sister and I had always fooled around from the time we were young children. We would kiss each other and touch each other's genitals. We both liked it but even so we didn't get together very often, only a few times a year. As we grew older our involvement progressed to my going down on her and the two of us trying to have sex. But she was too young physically, she said that it hurt and so I would stop trying to push into her. This was when she was about 10 and I was 12. One night our mother was over at her boyfriend's house for the night. My sister was 14 at the time, and I was 16. We were alone watching a movie on cable. The movie was called "Wild Orchid," and for those of you who haven't seen it, it's almost pornography. In fact I heard that in one scene they were actually having sex but that the film rating board didn't find out until after the movie had been in theaters. Anyway, we both got really turned on and started making out on the floor. I was lying on top of her and we were french-kissing, which I loved. I wanted to say something romantic and so I stopped kissing her, looked into her eyes, and said "I want to make love, do you?" She nodded. I started to kiss her again but she stopped me and told me to get up. When we were both standing she took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom. I knew right then that she was serious. She told me to take my clothes off and we both did. I had the hardest time getting my shoelaces untied, I was so excited. When I was finally undressed we both got under the covers where she did something she had never done before, she went down on me. I didn't know what she was trying to do until I felt her mouth on my penis. I'm not going to bother to describe how great it felt. I started to shiver as if I were cold even though I wasn't and we were both under the covers. I had her stop after awhile when I was about to come. She laid back down and I went down on her. My tongue soon got tired as well. I climbed on top of her where we kissed some more. She told me she was ready and that I didn't have to worry about getting her pregnant since she had just had her period. We got into position so I could push into her, but I couldn't find the right place to push on. She reached down and directed my penis to a place and said "there, push." I pushed and I felt myself slide into a warm, soft, wet place. I sometimes wonder if penis and vagina size are controlled by the same genes, we fit together perfectly. I slid in as far as I could go. She didn't make a sound while this was happening. Once all the way in I began moving in and out, sometimes pulling all but the tip of my penis out and the pushing all the way in. It was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, sleeping with my sister. After a SHORT while I came hard. Now some of you won't believe this, but when I was that age I could stay hard for as long as I wanted to. I could jack myself off to two or three orgasms if I wanted. I think most guys start out like that, it's when we get older that the equipment breaks down. We kept at it until she came too. This took less than ten minutes. I stayed inside her while we both caught our breath. I pulled out only after I started to get soft. We held each other and talked for hours before finally falling asleep. It's been almost ten years since then and we still do it a few times a year. We both got real scared once when it looked like she was pregnant. It was a false alarm, thank god. I wasn't ready to be a father, and who knows what the baby could have turned out like. Neither of us feel guilty about having sex. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't anything wrong with consensual incest as long as no one is being exploited and no one gets pregnant. We love each other and sex is the way we choose to express it. I hope this helps your survey. It is a long letter, but I wanted to tell the whole story as best I could. *** From: Rock [edited/combined with later letter] A few years ago I was divorced, my parents divorced shortly after and my mother moved in with me. This lasted for over 5 years. Yes I did think about what it would be like for more than a few years before anything happened. I was 35, she was 57 and still very good looking! She did almost everything else, walking around scantily clad, towel from the shower, had me zip up dresses etc. Then it just sort of happened. Finally she got feeling pretty good at a friend's wedding reception that we attended, she was my "date". That night we just fell into bed together, she had begun to undress in front of me. She was very horny and turned out to be a wild woman in bed! I never had any regrets about this! She was (is) great! Some of her preferences shocked me at first. I became her lover as well as disciplinarian (she can be quite a handful at times.) This took the form of spankings and paddling's with a wooden hairbrush. It was carried out while she was bare bottomed and over my knee. The first time was a shock and a struggle, after that (when I'd had enough and it was time for a whacking), she would obediently take her discipline. She understood that there was no anger, simply discipline. We are re-married now but just last year, during a visit, we almost had enough time to get it on again. If we could have had another hour alone it would have happened. We only had enough time for a very hot petting session in the car. She was begging for it and had worn the minimum to the mall. It was very close! I still regret that we didn't have time! *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 08 When I was 16, my cousin Kay and I started petting. She was a year older and had had several boyfriends already, so she showed me what to do. We petted under a blanket with her little sister Nancy in the room. At first she didn't have a clue but eventually she figured it out and would watch us making different shapes under the blanket, jumping up and down with nervous excitement. Several years later I visited Nancy at college and we petted but didn't have sex. She was drawn to me but couldn't deal with it. I liked it and have good memories of the experience. I don't know how either of them feels about it today, but Nancy is a born again Christian, and I'm pretty sure, still a virgin. *** I had a short relationship with my sister and brother when I was about 13 to 15. My brother and I would jerk each other off (he is one year younger than me). We also tried oral sex but it was not that great. My sister is two years younger and we played with each other's parts at various times until we had fumbling missionary sex. My mother found out and went gonzo which ended it. I suffered no ill effects but my sister may have been overwhelmed by parental reaction. I do remember it was great to cum in her and would love to have another opportunity. We are on opposite ends of the country and I doubt it will ever happen again but I still fantasize. *** Younger Brother... 13 till 35+ ... can still fuck him now if I wanted to... he lives 600 miles away... we are the closest when talking about sex... I have a huge cock that he has always loved. I seduced him first. It has not caused any problems at all. If anything we argue the less than any of my three other brothers. *** I saw your post and thought I would reply. I`m using an anonymous remailer because the relationship is still going on and my daughter (with whom I`m currently having sex) is only 14. We have been having sex for the past four years. It started when we went on holiday in the summer of 1992. We went to a caravan park in the south of France. Nearby was a beach that wasn`t very populated and most times we didn`t see another soul. My wife decided she was going to go topless. I didn`t mind this but I was stunned when my daughter joined her. She wasn`t very big up top but her breasts were just starting to develop and I fell in love with her there and then in a totally different fashion. I started to use every excuse I could to be around her in close contact. Our first sexual encounter came when my wife went to the site shop and left my daughter and I alone watching the television. We started cuddling each other and before long we fondling each other sexually. From that date onwards we stole every moment we could to be alone. Now, 4 years later we are both still mad about each other and look forward to being able to have sex we each other as often as possible. Don`t get me wrong, I never forced my daughter into having sex with me, She wanted to have it as much as I did. Hope this helps your survey. Contact me for confirmation or further details. *** Does this count? When I was 15 years old my parents finally completed the adoption of a 13 year old girl called Samantha. She had stayed with us off and on for about 3 years as part of the foster caregiver's scheme run by the British social services. The reason she was placed with my parents was because she was apparently being sexually abused by her mother's boyfriend. After a couple of months (during her first stay) she started to talk me about what she and her mother's boyfriend had done together. At that time I was a typical 12 year old boy whose hormones were running away with themselves. I couldn`t believe the things she was telling me until one night when my parents were at a works social function and we were trusted to be left alone. Samantha showed me all about how she would perform oral sex by actually sucking my penis. This lead to other experiments until we were having full intercourse. Despite the fact she is not a blood relative we still enjoy sex today as much as when we first started in 1982. *** When I was 11, my older brother and I (he was 13 at the time) started doing stuff whenever our parents would go out. I don't remember exactly why or how it started, but usually I would pretend I was modeling stuff for him and walk by him while he was sitting in my dad's chair. I would take off whatever I was wearing and as I walked past him he would touch me all over. I remember the first time he slipped his finger between my little bare lips and how wet I was. After a while, we started doing this thing where one of us would pretend they were asleep and the other would kind of explore their body. I had my first orgasm from him touching me like that. I also learned that I had to get out of the way when he shot his sperm, or it would be all over me. By about the time I was 12, I had physically grown to the point where I wanted more. One day, my brother was lying on the sofa pretending to be asleep, so I went over and decided to try something new. After I had pulled down his shorts and admired his erect dick for a few minutes, I slipped my shorts and panties off completely and climbed onto the sofa with him, straddling his hips. I was shaking with anticipation as I stared down at his throbbing erection, which was pointing right between my legs. I leaned forward a little, lowering myself until I felt the tip press against my cunny lips. I was slick from my excitement and I felt the tip slip right between them and the head pop into my hole. I remember shivering as an orgasm shook me and looking down to see my brother staring at me wide eyed, like he couldn't believe what I had done. I pressed down on his dick and managed to lodge about half of it inside me before he started bucking his hips at me and shaking. I knew he was going to shoot his cum but I couldn't bring myself to pull him out... so I pressed as hard as I could down on his throbbing dick as it began jerking inside me, shooting his cum in me. To this day, I have never felt anything so wonderful. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 09 Starting when I was about 10 I spent several weekends over the course of several summers with my cousins who lived about 20 miles away in a small town. My male cousin, Warren, who was about half a year younger, showed me how to masturbate, (which I kind of already had figured out,) and we would do it to each other every chance we got. My older cousin, John, who was about three years older, joined us occasionally, and would sometimes suck our dicks. I was fascinated by their uncircumcised dicks and by the end of the summer we were all sucking each other every night I was there. Sometimes we took turns and other times we would figure out ways to get in different positions to suck each other all at the same time. John ejaculated semen, which was scant and I didn't mind swallowing. Warren's orgasms were dry, as were mine, at least the first summer and, I think, most of the second. John fucked Warren in the ass a couple of times while I was present. John would sometimes allow Warren to reciprocate in his asshole, but would usually suck him instead, and sometimes would give him money afterward. I remember that they called anal sex "cornholing." Warren let me cornhole him once in a while, which he seemed to enjoy. I would not let either of them do that to me, although John never quit asking for it and would put his fingers up my butt while he was sucking me, which I didn't mind. I wish, now, that I would have let them do it, at least once, so I would know what it felt like. Their older sister, Eva, who was about 16 at that time, knew about our activities and would find opportunities to let us get glimpses of her naked body, ie, in the bathroom or when changing clothes in her bedroom. She had nice titties and a hairy pussy. I suspect that John and Eva were having sex, but was never able to prove my suspicions. I often tried to have some kind of sex with Eva, but the closest I ever came was one night in the car on the way home from somewhere I stuck my hand under her skirt and played with her pussy in the dark. She pretended to be asleep. Even though I didn't know what I was doing, exactly, I got my finger inside her vagina and got her wet. That same year, when we were taking a bath together, I showed my younger brother, who was seven, how to masturbate and, later, I sucked his dick. With a little encouragement he would suck mine, but he would tend to lose attention after a short time until I figured out how to mutually suck each other in the 69 position. That way he came to realize that if he quit sucking mine, I would quit sucking his. Often, my brother would initiate sex by asking me if I was "hungry" which led to us sneaking off together to one of several isolated spots we used to have sex. Sex with my cousins was an occasional thing after a few summers, but I continued to have sex with my brother regularly for several years after that. I had him fuck me in the ass a couple of times, but he said he preferred having me suck him. He would never let me fuck his ass, and I didn't press the issue. He would let me put fingers up his ass while I sucked him, like my cousin had done to me. The reason we finally quit was because my parents found out and we got the big lecture from them and our church Pastor. After that we had to sleep in separate bedrooms and were watched all the time when we were together so it was pretty hard to get together for sex, although we managed to do so once in a while. Today, my brother and I are practicing heterosexuals and neither of us, to my knowledge, have had sex with any other males outside the family. I did run into Warren when I was in College. We took a couple six-packs back to his apartment. After a few beers, he wanted to have sex, so we got naked and had mutual oral sex. I was kind of put off by his hairy body and his cock was, of course, adult sized and I had trouble fitting it in my mouth. When he came in my mouth I almost gagged. Afterwards, he wanted me to fuck him in the asshole, but I was too grossed out and couldn't get another hard-on. I wouldn't even consider letting him cornhole me. He was pretty disappointed, and he's never contacted me since then. As an aside, I find the pictures of naked young boys on the newsgroups to be sexually exciting, but grown men don't do anything for me. I would probably be open to a sexual experience with a young teen boy, but the risk of getting in deep trouble with the law make it not even worth considering. I consider my sexual experiences with my family members to have been a positive thing. I learned a lot and have a tolerance for gays and lesbians that a lot of people I've met don't have. *** Hope this helps: My mother worked 2nd shifts at a factory after I started jr high school, and my father used to be in charge of seeing that I did my homework, then bathed and went to bed on time. As a girl I used to parade around the house nude at bedtime, and didn't realize the effect it was having on my father as I reached menarche. At one point he got very flustered when I walked into the bathroom on him, naked and began brushing my teeth. He kept staring at my breasts, and I remember feeling what I now know is arousal. A couple nights later I was masturbating in bed when he came in to kiss me goodnight and caught me. I knew he had seen me, but he didn't say anything about it, just the usual things, talking about our day, family chit- chat. But his hug that night was more intense and he stayed sitting on my bed caressing me. I let him continue, but eventually he just kissed me and left. This continued for some time, with the caressing taking more and more time till finally he was touching me breasts and vagina, and bringing me to orgasm. I was only 13 at the time. It became our nightly ritual, and occasionally at first started even before I got ready for bed. At some point I noticed he was rubbing himself while he got me off, and I asked him what he was doing, pretty much knowing, but not all the details. So he told me, and I asked him to show me, and could I do it for him like he did for me. Well, this went on for a while, with me looking forward to our nightly sessions. Finally I had to ask him to fuck me. After that we were lovers, almost every night. We have been lovers ever since, even when I was dating, and since I've been married. it continues to be the best sex I've ever had, and it is entirely possible that some of my kids may be his. *** I hope this helps: When I was about 13 and my cousin Hayley was 11, her brother Glenn about 7 or 8, we would play games whereby Hayley would end up naked and usually I (Occasionally Glenn) would rub her pussy or lick it. I was the one who started it, and no-one suffered from it. At 15, I started undressing my 8-year-old sister. Eventually, it got to the point where I would lick her ass and pussy and she would suck my dick. The last time was when my brother caught us. He said nothing to mom or dad, but we stopped nonetheless. I think she's now forgotten about it, but I still fantasize about her. *** My sister and I when we were about 6 or 7'ish were still having baths together, and we used to play things like house, like any other children. This lead to "boyfriend and girlfriend" my sister seemed to know more about sex at the time then I did, and this soon lead to us trying to have sex. We didn't know enough about it to get full penetration. It still felt good. Within a few years all sexual contact had stopped. I tried to re initiate it, but it almost seems like my sister has forgotten it all. It has left me with a strange attraction for my sister even to this day, and if presented with the chance to do something again. I would. I hope this helps your survey. and I would appreciate getting back other letters you have received. as I am interested also in the effect incest has on people at later ages. and other such things. [Ed. note: I don't redistribute mail. If it's interesting, you'll see it here.] *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 10 This is the story of what happened. Feel free to edit as needed. I take you at your word that identifying material will be removed. I would also appreciate an acknowledgement of receipt. If you need clarification or have questions, I'll do my best to answer them. My sister and I have always been close. As children we frequently shared a bed and, when very young, bathed together. It was very common for us to touch and fondle each other, especially in the genital areas. This continued as we grew older. Nothing substantial happened till we moved to a farm in the country. We had both just entered a new junior high school where kids openly talked about sex. Like anyone else, we were both curious. One night when we were sleeping in the same bedroom, we started talking about it. We both wondered what went where. The next step was to get into the same bed and experiment. I penetrated her and started to thrust. It hurt a little, so we just decided on thrusting enough to cause a sensation. On the nights everyone else was out of the house, we'd undress and begin to fondle each other. This consisted mostly of kissing and touching her breasts, vagina and butt. We experimented with doing it standing up but never could get it right. This continued through the rest of the year. At that time I was 15 and she was 12. When we moved to an apartment it died down. One night, while watching TV, she asked me to massage her legs. I slowly worked my way up and, before I was aware of it, had her panties down. We undressed and were on the sofa 2-3 hours before moving to the bedroom. This set the stage for everything that happened the next year or two. The first time I realized that I was REALLY interested in her sexually happened shortly after the TV episode. One night she wore a pair of thick pajamas that we were having trouble getting off. I rolled her over and pulled off the bottoms. As soon as I saw her ass I knew I'd never see anything that beautiful again. I started to fondle and kiss it and pretty much lost control, we both did. Unfortunately, I didn't understand what it meant and what I was feeling. After this episode we talked about intercourse and wanted to do it. We were also both scared stiff that she might get pregnant. As a result, we stuck with the usual routine. As we got a little older this eventually died down again and finally stopped altogether. I no longer had it on my mind---or so I thought. About 6-7 years ago we were at a party and she indirectly asked if I was still interested (maybe using "incest" as a verb isn't so indirect). I was caught off guard and couldn't say anything. Later, she approached me and asked again, in no uncertain terms. I felt that she was under some stress (Long story) and I also felt like I could be taking advantage of her by agreeing. The moment passed and we haven't discussed it directly since. However, those discussions made me aware that I still wanted her and had deep feelings for her. That will never change. At this point, I don't know what will happen. It might help to simply talk with no promise of resumption, which would allow me to tell her my feelings. She shares them, but I have no idea to what extent. If the relationship is to resume, which is what I hope, she'll have to decide. As for me, I feel no guilt whatever, it serves no purpose. What happened came about because of deep feelings. We've always been close and open with each other--perhaps as a result of all of this. That gives me hope for better things. *** At 18, I walked in on my mother showering. She was 43, and although she looked it, I fancied her like mad. I got an immediate erection and left the room. I thought nothing more of it until two days later. She walked into my room whilst I was watching TV. It was late, about 1 am, and she was wearing her nightgown. I didn't notice her enter, too engrossed in the TV show, but I noticed her pull back my duvet. I sleep naked, which she knew. She reached out and started wanking me with one hand. I wasn't sure what to say, and in the end it was she who spoke. "I've always wanted to try this, but your father's totally against it," she said and let go my by now fully erect cock. She removed her nightgown and stood nude before me, then she got onto the bed and motioned for me to stand up. She positioned herself facing away from me on all fours, and I penetrated her. After a few strokes, she pulled me out and pushed me against her ass. My mother has a lovely fat ass and I slowly pushed myself in, knowing she was an anal virgin. Since then, I've been buggering my mother about once a week, and that was 3 years ago. *** When I was about 10 me and my cousins used to go up in the tree house and play. When we had to pee, we just peed over the side on the ground. After awhile Billy wanted to hold my penis while I peed and I did the same to him. This eventually turned into more as Billy was wanting to put my penis in his mouth. I never did object as this feeling real nice. Things went on and we ended up sucking each other and fucking each other in the ass till we were about 15 or 16. Neither of us has had any other same sex experiences since that time. *** My sister and I undressed and touched in our teens. She was 2 years younger and the aggressor. It started when we were kind of wrestling. That was the closest I would dare go sexually, but the body contact was fun. Once when I had her down she said I will do ANYTHING if you let me go. I immediately thought about sex, but was afraid to take any action or do anything. It happened a couple of more times and when I finally said "what would you do" she squeezed my cock and said I will suck this/ She was probably 14 and I was 16. Not too much happened because I was so chicken, but she did put my cock in her mouth a few times. I'm sure she wanted a lot more to happen but I was scared. I have talked to 2 girls who had sex with their dads. Both said it was good. In one case the sex was ongoing. She was in her 30s. She also had a sex life other than her dad. In the other case it started on her 14th birthday and continued till the morning of her wedding day at 19. She said the pleasure was mutual. Later she said, "Now you know more about me than my analyst." I often wondered if sex with her dad and her need for analysis had a connection. I never asked. *** My sister was babysitting for my wife and I - When we returned from the movie we went to see- I was driving her home- the long way- I tried to get her to blow me- She told me I had a big cock - but it was for my wife- I didn't persist much- she licked it once - and let it go at that- I wish it would happen again in my older age (39) Am I weird? or what. *** yes. I fucked my mother and a female first cousin several times. it was the most thrilling form of sex I ever experienced due to the forbidden nature of it. I also tried to get my younger sister to try incest with me but she never did, although once she almost did after a few beers. she let me fondle her tits and ass through her clothes but when it came down to actually getting naked and fucking she chickened out. I use to sneak peeks at her as we grew up while she changed clothes or showered by looking in the windows of either here bedroom or the bathroom. I jerked off many times while peeping on her or our mother. my experiences with my mother and first cousin though were both consensual and thrilling. I fucked my mother at the age of 35, she 59 and my cousin when I was 23 and she was 21. so there you have it. *** My first time was with a cousin...I thought It was weird but have since found out that incest is more common than once thought... reading the first survey it seems that I am not alone in what happened. I always thought I was weird because it really didn't bother me while at the same time all I ever heard was how bad incest was and how screwed up it made the people involved. I think I am pretty normal however. I know a few friends who were or have been involved with family and they are pretty normal too. I just wonder how much of it goes on we never know about, we just hear about it when it is really negative. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 11 SPOILER: Two very bad experiences recounted in this issue. I first spied on my mom and dad by accident. I was about ten I guess, just old enough to know "of fucking" but not old enough to know much about it. Still, I was aware that I was very horny, a kind of free floating sexual arousal and with no way to deal with it. I'd climbed a tree in front of our house with, as I recall it, no intention of spying of my parents. A large and comfortable limb placed me just outside a second story window, my parents' bedroom, on a weekend afternoon as they were "making love." Actually, what I saw was them fucking. I'm more surprised now, as most children are by their parents, at their versatility. My mom sucked my dad's cock, and he her pussy. He fucked her from the front and from the back. Most erotic, he fucked her ass after she'd presented herself on all fours, reaching around to pull her ass cheeks apart in invitation. Later, she lay back, legs spread, and as they were talking, she idly masturbated, initially slowly and then with increasing need and vigor. That started it for me. I was driven by bottomless erotic urges and my mom, bless her soul, was driven by her own gad flies, for my father as a merchant seaman and gone most of the time. I became aware of my mother's increasing and at times, blatant sexuality. I used every opportunity to watch her, to spy on her. I watched her dress and undress, sometimes with me there (pretending I wasn't paying attention!), and I watched her pee, sometimes in the toilet but more often in the kitchen sink, for it was more convenient. I contrived to hug her and feel her breasts. To lie on the floor when she was reading, for her legs would often drift apart and I'd have an excellent view between her thighs. It seemed the only time she wore underpants was when she was menstruating. Had it not been for an untimely death at a young age, I suspect we would have drifted into an incestuous affair, for she was becoming increasingly provocative with me. I've never forgotten those memories and often use them to masturbate by. It remains hot. *** You asked if anyone had seen pictures. When I was 17 I found my parents' private photo box. It was all Polaroid's mostly of my mom nude and posing on the bed. My dad was in some too. I took some of them to a friend for copying and let him keep a copy. There were two funny things about this. I let him keep copies and so I knew he was jerking off to pictures of my mother. And he knew I was jerking off to pictures of my mother. Sort of partners in crime. Later on he paid me back with pictures of his wife, hot ones with dildos and vegetables! I am married now but I still keep those pictures of my mom (well hid of course). Think I will go get them right now. *** Yes I have and from what I've read it is apparently the rarest of incest incidences. It was my mother... she died of cancer on September 4/1996. This is probably a sting of some sort. But if you are collecting information for some higher purpose then I would be glad to assist you... and no... I'm not some nut... I am 50 years old. My life was destroyed by this, there isn't a single person on the planet who cares a diddily fucking shit in any way other than to profit from my telling of my experience! You included or especially. [This information is collected only for the purpose of posting the next installment of these surveys on Usenet. There is no purpose, law enforcement, academic, or otherwise, other than my own interest sparked by my own experiences. -- Ed.] *** [SPOILER: sad ending] Follow up from above poster. I suppose you get a lot of bullshit stories on this subject. Here's a true one. As I entered puberty my mother would take showers and "discover" she didn't have a bath towel. So she'd yell for me to bring her one. I'd go to her door, announce myself, she'd open the door and stand back far enough that I had to reach out to her with the towel. Every time I did this she would drop whatever she had been clutching to hide her nakedness and stand there totally nude, both of us staring at the other. It happened so often I called it "the game". As I grew older I interpreted it (correctly) that she was beckoning me to have sexual intercourse with her. In those days (1950s) being called a "motherfucker" was the worst insult imaginable. What my mother did made me view myself as a potential or wannabe motherfucker. I moved away from home when I turned eighteen. At twenty eight..my dad died and I returned home for awhile to comfort Mom. Less than a week after returning home I was laying in bed late one night half asleep. Mom gently pushed my bedroom door open. I lay there in the dimly lit room while she tip-toed around my bed and sat on the bed. There was some hesitation. I saw her make small furtive movements and then felt her hand gently grasp my penis. Within moments the pressure increased and she grasped my penis firmly. She then masturbated me. As soon as she left my room and closed the door I reached around behind me and turned on the light attached to the headboard. I had been fully awake (to put it mildly) during the entire incident. I remember telling myself to remember in vivid detail what had just happened because I suspected that a part of me would try to make it go away. I moved out of mom's house the next morning and returned to nurse her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1993. Mom died September 4, 1994. I assume you're collecting these stories to excite yourself. You probably read these and masturbate. I am presently involved in starting a new company called, well, never mind. Anyhow, the products are incest-fantasy-oriented. There is a tremendous market for this kind of thing but common decency dictates that the difference be made clear between fantasy and reality. One is harmless, the other is devastating! *** [SPOILER: This is the saddest story I've received. No others follow, you may skip the rest of the post if you like.] This story is true, it's my own. My name is Karin and I'm a 24 years old student of business, daughter of a Japanese father and a German mother. We live in Germany. I once had a sister, but not anymore. I'm writing this as a sort of self-therapy, because I am really desperate. I never wrote anything like this before, especially not in English. I have only told this once to a very friendly person, I met in a German MUD. He was quite understanding and tried to cheer me up, but I never went into that mud again. I hate myself for that, but I could not bear the strain of "meeting" him again. Please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors, and I might have not always found the right words to describe my situation. Even though my English is quite ok, I haven't practiced it for a long time. Since I don't know the exact dialogue anymore, and I wouldn't want to make anything up, I only write in passive voice. *** I thought I could never tell anyone about it, but it has been 9 years now. I was 15 back then, and my sister Dorothea was 13. I never thought of me as pretty, but rather as a lousy excuse for a woman. Rather skinny, undeveloped and with a short haircut as I preferred, I was quite often mistaken for a boy. As I hate to say now, this often made me proud. Doscha (as I called her) on the contrary was very appealing to the eye. She had long, flowing black hair and a perfect physique. She always was a cheerful, charming girl, laughing the whole day. At least, I remember her that way. She was very popular among our family and friends alike and I hated her for that. Even though my parents noticed that she was getting so much more attention than me, they could not close themselves off to her charms. You see, my parents were extremely prude. I think I have never seen my father naked and my mother only on two occasions. They never told me about the birds and the bees and stuff. A friend at school had to clear me up, and that was only short before my 15th birthday! I found out with 11 years [of age] how to masturbate with water jets in public swimming-pools. I always thought I invented something new, until I saw a boy of my age do it too. Then I continued to experiment with my hands.. I masturbated very often as this was one of the few things, that made me happy. I found out that I delighted most in thinking about how to socially disgrace my sister. I imagined how satisfying it would be if my parents walked in on her while SHE was masturbating... I always came heavily when I thought of that. Then something even more shameful came into my mind. What if she was disgraced a lesbian?!? Or maybe even a lesbian who did it with her own sister!!! I almost flipped out over that thought and it became almost obsessive. During the next days I developed thousands of ideas how to make love to her, and just about as many sore spots... I had already noticed that she was masturbating too, as she was not the type who did it quietly. When I think back, I believe my parents knew too, but they pretended not to notice anything that even remotely had something to do with that. When my parents were gone on holiday, bicycling with their friends, as they still often do, I decided it was the time. I told her a made up a story about a boy, I just met, and how wonderful he was, that we kissed passionately and how I was dreaming about him... That did the trick. Only 15 minutes later, I heard her in her room relieving herself. I noticed that she locked her door after she went in, but there was another door between her room and mine which couldn't be locked. Usually I have a chair standing in front of that door, which opens into my room, so she can't just walk in on me. Quietly I removed the chair and opened the door just a tiny little bit. She was kneeling on her bed, facing sideways to me. The way she did herself was not unlike my own method, I noticed. Then I loudly bumped the door open and stepped into her room. She reacted as I hoped she would, she gave off a shriek turned white pale. She cringed onto her bed, shivering and tears in her eyes. I told her that I caught her red- handed and what would happen if I told our parents and our friends. Besides, she was obviously masturbating about my (imagined) boy-friend and that he was mine and she stole him from me and had to be punished. She was like butter in my hands! I never felt so superior to another. I slowly approached and caressed her hair while I started to undress myself with my other hand. *** I can't write what comes next, since I forgot all of the details, but Doscha ended up having oral sex with me, which disgusted her, but I just loved it. In fact, I loved it so much, I completely forgot about taking pictures with the Polaroid camera I borrowed from my grandmother. But my fairest hint of giving away our 'secret' was enough for her to succumb to me. We both changed a lot from this day on. She was extremely introverted and sad and cried sometimes without any apparent reason. she really suffered a lot. My parents took her to a doctor when they came back, but she didn't tell anyone. I, on the contrary, was suddenly energetic, cheerful and popular with almost anybody. I was even elected vice- class-speaker a couple of weeks later. The following 2 months I made her lick me seven days a week and I did her too, sometimes, when I felt like it. Then one day, when I came back from school, my father was there, which is rather unusual, since he is normally at work till late afternoon. He was totally pale and I noticed, that he cried and he told me that something happened to Doscha. We drove off to a nearby hospital, and when we arrived there my mother was totally lost in tears. She fell around the neck of my father and cried continuously. A nurse told me to be brave and that my sister had just died of the injuries she received in a car accident in front of her school. Later I heard that it was almost as if she ran into the car on purpose. The driver of the bus that ran over her was a twenty-something year old guy. He came by our house 2 or 3 times. He was so desperate because of the accident and wanted to help us, but my parents sent him away. They didn't sue him or anything, but he was in a bad shape nonetheless. I think the police took away his license, or something like that. To say that I felt as bad as I could would have been an understatement. I dropped out of school half a year later and pigged out almost 20 kg. I didn't leave home as I was wracked with suffering. Finally, I managed to get a hold of myself and returned to evening-school and made it to the German 'fachhochschule' where I still am. I still have the feeling that I was a true monster, psychologically raping my own sister, day after day. I have never been close to anyone else anymore, and masturbating doesn't make me even remotely happy, so I stopped doing it. I hope it helps if I can write this anonymously. It doesn't make me feel any better though, but I believe if I can confess my sins enough, I might even open myself up to a yet nonexistent friend of mine. *** Well, I hope this has been of use to you. If you want to flame me for what I did, just go ahead. I can take it, I think. Thank you for reading this. Karin *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 12 The first time I noticed my mom was when I was 11. I started to go in a sit on the toilet and talk to her while she was in the bath tub. Nudity was never a big thing around our house. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom coming up with plans to seduce her. One night when I was 12 and a half, we were watching a movie on satellite and it was super hot out. She was laying on her bed naked. I kept sneaking peeks at every chance I could without getting caught. Then I got busted. She asked me if I was looking at her tits. I turned red faced instantly. She knew I was looking so I couldn't lie. But I did. We finished watching the movie and started to surf through the channels. We happened by the xxx channel. I said something like wow look at those tits on her. Mom countered with mine are better than that. I said maybe but I can't touch yours. She laughed and said why can't you. I awkwardly said because you're my mom. She then said true but if you want to I'll let you if you keep it between us. I got terrified, began shaking but went for it. All the while we had the xxx channel on. She asked me if I wanted to touch her pussy and I did but said no. I got a supreme woody for myself from this. The phone rang right in the middle of our encounter. It was mom's boyfriend. He was out of town on tour with a Canadian Icon rock and roller. I left her room while they spoke. For the next 2 years nothing was mentioned of the escapade. One night I was in my room watching a porno and mom came home from the bar. She came in and caught me. She just teased a bit about it and went up stairs. I followed minutes after hoping to catch a glimpse of her changing. She was laying on her bed in this sweater dress that buttoned down the front. She started to dial the phone. She then asked for Joe. I asked her why she was phoning him. She told me that she wanted him to come over for the night. I got jealous and hung up the phone. I told her that she didn't need to do that she had a boyfriend (who lived with us). She then told me he was boring and she wanted something better. I retorted with if you just want to get laid I can do that. She looked at me and said DAVID you don't do that with your mother. I said why not I touched your tits. Then she said you really want to. Of course I do. So I began un-buttoning her dress. She wasn't wearing anything underneath it. I opened it up and stated to rub her pussy. She opened her legs up wide and I stated to slide my fingers in her. Within seconds she was soaked. I was having my fantasy of 5 years coming true. I headed in to lick her pussy. The smell was incredible then as my tongue touched her she started to moan softly. I wasn't very experienced in sex but I went for it and pushed my tongue as far as I could inside her vagina. After what seemed to be an eternity I went for the home run. She stopped me and told me to lay on my back. When I did she started to suck my cock. I was in ecstasy. her mouth engulfed all I had to offer. The excitement was too much to bear and I released in her mouth. She never lost a drop. All of my sperm went straight to belly. She then Climbed on top of me. I laid there as she straddled my body and put my penis in place. She looked at me and said I have been waiting for a long time to fuck you. I said no way and right then I entered her slick pussy. She rode me slowly at first but within minutes she was at full gallop. It took about twenty minutes for me to cum again. After that mom laid down and told me that whenever I wanted to do it again she would. 6 months after our encounter she and I moved to Burnaby. She had finally had enough of her boyfriend who was very mean to her. We ended up becoming bed partners on a regular basis. Mom began inviting me to have sex with her and her cousin Bonnie after awhile. I used to get to play doctor with Bonnie when I was in grade three and she was like 26. I have actually gotten to have intimate relations with many female members of my family. I have never stopped liking older women since that night when I was 14. *** This is my true story and it has devastated me for most of my life. I'm not really sure why I'm telling you about this since I've never told anyone before. Maybe because I don't know you and you can't judge me. It started when I was 4 years old. I would go into my parents room to watch television and my dad would put his hands down my panties and start to masturbate me under the covers, while my mom was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. The thing that makes me feel the worst about it is he never paid any attention to me or my sister at any other time, unless it was to abuse us physically and emotionally. So I would go back there day after day and let him do that to me just to feel loved. This continued on a daily basis until I turned 9 and he took a work assignment out of the country. I tried telling my mom what he was doing to me but she wouldn't believe me (but I know she knew because she had came in on us a couple of times saw his hands under the sheet, left and said nothing) This sounds sick, but I was so used to being masturbated that I would do it to myself daily, then I decided to have my little sister help me so I would make her lie down and lay on top of her rubbing myself to get off. I guess in reality this makes me a monster as well, but I try to tell myself that at 9 years old I really didn't know any better even though I'm racked with guilt about this. I am 35 years old now, and when my children were small it was very difficult for me to change their diapers, give them a bath etc. because I was afraid I would touch them and maybe get an incestuous urge. But I am happy to report that never happened. I find myself coming to the newsgroups and reading the stories about incest, but I'm really not sure why. I don't get any sexual arousal from it. Maybe because the fantasy stories are so different from real life. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 13 The story you posted about your encounter with your mother [ed.: hey, it wasn't me, I just repost what people send me] struck a chord with me. Your mother had a boyfriend musician and was calling him on the phone when you walked in. Well my mom, was a promoter in the music business. She had a lot of musician boyfriends and of course they were always out of town (and cheating on her but that's a different story. They would call her when they were lonely or horny. One night, this all started, I was too hot in the summer air and went to sleep on the living room sofa where the air conditioning was. The phone rang late as it often did and I sleepily picked it up but overheard Mel my mother's current (then) boyfriend. He was a country musician like most of them. What got me was that he immediately started talking sexy and instead of hanging up, I just stood there, in my shorts, listening. My mother wasn't objecting, she missed him and they were talking very sexy about touching and feeling each other. I realized they were both playing with themselves as they spoke. At this point, I got hard and reached down and was also playing with myself. Mel really had my mother going and talked about licking her cunt and things like that which really got me jerking. Suddenly Mel groaned loudly and huffed and puffed and groaned again. My mother also came but she was being more quiet because, I guess she didn't want me to overhear. Fat chance, ma! I was squirting cum all over your sofa comforter! Soon Mel hung up, falling asleep drunk, and so did both of us at home. The next day I could hardly look at my mother and when she asked me what was wrong and did the phone call wake me up, I just said, yeah, that must have been it. The rest of that summer and for the rest of the summers I lived at home I would stay awake listening for the phone to ring and one my mothers' boyfriends to call. I would always pick up right after the second ring which usually worked. The dumb thing was I listened to a lot of private conversations about things I didn't care about, though sometimes they were about me, and that was really boring! Sometimes there were arguments and I would hang up. But sometimes they would have sex on the phone just as hot as that "first time" and so would I. I wonder if she ever knew, or even suspected, but she never let on if she did. To this day I still pick up the phone and have to think before I say anything. To this day I like to have a fantasy about phone sex or sex with my mother. I sure found out what she liked. *** 10 years ago my sister and I were 12 and 11 respectively. One day we found a XXXX magazine in the garbage and took it up into our tree house to look at. We both at the time knew nothing about sex and we were amazed at what we saw. We knew nothing about incest or who should have sex with who. I remember getting a massive hard-on and my sis could see it pointing thru my shorts. We were both turned on, so we thought older people did this so we decided to get a head start. We first took our clothes off and my sis began by giving me my first blow job. I got so hot, I came in about 30 seconds. We did not know what that all meant, but my penis still stayed hard so we continued. I then went down on my sis's fresh pink lips which was almost hair free. When we had enough of that, we then went on to intercourse. At first, I had trouble trying to hit the entry point, but once I found where I should enter, I slowly worked my way pencil thin prick in because she was as tight as you could be for 12. While I was getting in, I came again because of the feeling I was having. My dick was burning but I wanted to go on and this time I was able to last a few minutes longer. We continued on with our sex for a few months every day after school until my sister took sex education in school and found out what we were doing was taboo. We stopped right away and I soon took up masturbating. After a few years my sis developed a perfect body and I was dying to see it and I asked her if she was getting tempted to do it again and she agreed. Her breasts were firm and round and her pussy was prettier than before. I myself had grown a few inches longer and wider and she enjoyed that too. We had sex only a few times after that time, but she would have given me the occasional blow job if she knew I was masturbating or if I asked her politely because I never found anybody who did it better that her. It's been a few years since she last gave me head and we both know it will never happen again and just look at it as two kids who knew nothing at the time and were just having a little fun. *** Hi, I thought I'd tell you my own incest story. Background: I am a white male aged 25. Middle class. I'll keep it brief: from about age 10 to about age 16, I had sex with my brother, who is four years younger than me. The sex was almost always oral sex and rarely ended in orgasm, although I do have fond memories of ejaculating in his mouth and on his face, as well as swallowing his sperm. Mostly, we did 69. It started when he caught me fooling around with neighborhood boys and wanted to try it. There was a period of about two years where we did nothing at all; then we started up again when we both started sneaking downstairs late at night to watch our father's (heterosexual) porn videos. We would get very horny and masturbate openly, then have oral sex. My favorite memory is when we had a hot three way with a mutual friend who was a year younger than me. He was spending the night at our house; the three of us played strip poker and then shared oral sex and orgasms for hours. It only happened once but I will never forget it. I do not think it affected me adversely; I fantasize about it now and would love for something similar to happen even though I consider myself mostly heterosexual and have a great sex life with my wife-to-be. My brother and I are good friends nowadays and enjoy spending time together, though we make no mention of our sexual past and I dare not bring it up. This past incest experience leads me to wonder if I will be sexually attracted to my own children; that is the only part that concerns me now. *** I have been involved in an incestuous relationship with my mother since I was 13. She initiated it the first time, but I wanted it to happen. It has been a great experience in my live. I feel I am a more open and understanding person because of this. If you'd like to hear all the details, let me know. [2nd mail] Anything I feel comfortable telling you!?! I'll tell you the whole story! When I was 13, I lived with my mother and my younger brother. After school he would go to the babysitter because mom worked and I would stay home. I had seen my mom at night using something between her legs. Eventually I found out it was a vibrator and I would use it when I was alone. One time I was in the living room naked using the vibrator and my mom came home early. She just stood there sharing at me and I got embarrassed and ran into my room. I stayed there all day not wanting to come out. That night, mom came into my room and sat on the bed next to me. She told me it was ok, that everyone masturbates and that she did it quite often. After hearing that I didn't feel so bad. I started asking her questions about how she used it and if it felt like a real guy. She tried to explain how she used it, and asked if I wanted her to show me how she used it. I was curious so I said yes. She undressed and showed me how she used it and described what she was doing. Then she told me to try, so I got undressed and tried. She watched, then took it and told me to do it like this and started to use it on me. It felt so good that I just laid back and let her use it on me. Over time I got to use it on her, and eventually she showed me how to perform oral sex on her. Ever since that time, we've been sleeping with each other (About 10 years now). And I wouldn't change what happened for the world. *** Love the stories! I've actually masturbated to some! Hope this helps... I don't remember how this all started but my brother and I have been experimenting with sex for a long time. I'm now 27 and he's 22. I think we were watching sex on a cable channel that would have mild porno movies. One thing led to another and I was happily sucking on his 8 year old dick. He tried to lick my pussy after much encouragement from me, but he was turned off by the taste. A few years later when he was 12 and I 17 or so we were bathing at the beach and playing with ourselves underwater. We got so hot we decided to go upstairs into the house and I sucked his dick again. He, for some reason, would stop just short of cumming. A year later, I was visiting him where he stayed with our Grandma and we had to share a sofa bed. I was half- asleep when I suddenly felt his hand on my breast through the sheer cotton nightie I wore. Feigning sleep, he got bolder and started to move his hand ever-so-slowly down my body. I was so wet! He finally got to my pussy and was playing with it... touching it lightly through my panties. I couldn't keep pretending not to hear his fast breath and could hardly keep still. I opened my eyes and asked him what he was doing. He immediately withdrew his hand. I told him not to stop and I started to rub him off. I started to suck on his dick and we decided to fuck. We did and enjoyed it immensely. We've fucked each other on and off since then whenever we had the chance (not often enough!). We stopped almost 3 years ago because we live so far away from each other. I ask him repeatedly if he ever regrets anything and he says no. The last time we had sex I told him we had to stop. (I was racked with guilt). I still fantasize about him and hope that we can fuck again. I've had the best orgasms with him! *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 14 Of all the taboos in human society, incest may be the greatest. No wonder, then, that it is also one of the best kept secrets.... We now know that incest is much more common than previously imagined. Many people first begin to fantasize sexually about family members. Cousins and siblings may help us explore another person's body for the first time. I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. Perhaps it was successful; perhaps it was a bad memory best forgotten. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...with whom (brother, mother, cousin, uncle) ...at what age ...who initiated the activity, and ...how you feel about it now I assure you, the confidentiality of any information provided will not be compromised. If you have a story you would like to share, please send mail to RankAmateur@WriteMe.com. Here are a few of the stories I have received so far. Thank you. [A bumper crop after 3 weeks of famine. Thanks, everyone! More stories in a few days. For now, one looooong one .... names changed to protect the not-so- innocent, as you shall read.] [Ed. personal note to Jeannie: please write.] *** ME AND MY YOUNGER BROTHER (mf, teen, incest, true) By Jeannie I'm glad I found this group on incest. I want to talk something out. I hope I got all that "mf, teen" etc. business right. I also hope I don't screw up my anonymity. A friend at college set me up with the Private Idaho remailing program (I told him I wanted to send jokey messages to friends and play around in some newsgroups without collecting weird email). Private Idaho posted okay to alt.anonymous but not to alt.sex.incest. Too disreputable maybe. So I borrowed a temporary AOL ID and am emailing my journal to [Ed. note: updated to reflect my new lifetime e-mail address] "RankAmateur@WriteMe.com" instead. "RankAmateur@WriteMe.com" posts true incest stories collected from others so I suppose I can trust him or her to protect my anonymity. I do want to post this. It represents quite a bit of effort (mostly enjoyable) to remember the details of some experiences I had with my brother a couple of years ago. I will read anyone's comments but I won't be able to respond since I can't post to this group anonymously. Unless someone posts some instructions on how to do the truly anonymous posts that I see so many of here. Pls don't flame me; I'm not brain dead; and I'm willing to learn. I would like to be able to participate more directly if my journal sparks any comment. [Anonymous posting used to be easy, with the anon.penet.fi service in Finland. Unfortunately, the Scientologists wanted to know one of the posters there, and brought suit in a Finnish court that ruled against the owner of that service. He shut down rather than put more users at risk of exposure. The next time you wonder where your privacy went, remember this: thank the Scientologists. Personally, I think they're assholes. -- Rank] So here are my memories of my encounters with Ricky, in the form of a note I tried unsuccessfully to post using Private Idaho. I will trust "RankAmateur@WriteMe.com" to post my message unchanged and to honor my request for anonymity. *** Most of the alt.sex.incest messages just seem to me like Huge Cock Meets Hungry Slut drools, and I've avoided the graphic files mostly. But to each his own. I'm in no position to judge others for what makes them excited, so long as they don't hurt others. Some messages here do seem real, for which I'm grateful, because I've needed for a couple of years to process some sexual encounters I had with my younger brother. I hope writing here will help me get a handle on these events. A friend who participates in several support groups (okay, I know that's not exactly what this place is) said I should tell some general stuff about myself so you have some idea of who you're sort-of-interacting with. So here goes. My real first name is Jeanne (Je-Anne) but I go by Jeannie. I'm 19 and going to college "somewhere in the Midwest," as they say. (I don't want to get too specific.) My teachers tell me I have a good mind. Physically, I'm 5'6" in my shoes and a bit thin, with light brown hair that I hate to cut. I have greenish eyes and fairly regular features. I've been told by friends and by guys my own age that I'm good-looking, although my mirror tells me I'm not beautiful or stunning or anything like that. A boyfriend once said I look like a pixie, which he seemed to think was okay. I play tennis and swim a lot, so I'm fairly strong and don't have much body fat. My personal behavior for the most part falls within the norm. I'm not a virgin but I've never been very active sexually, since AIDS scares me to death and I want to lead a good, reasonably long life. I do masturbate fairly often, at least several times a week. When I do, I'm usually thinking about my brother Ricky. That's what I need to write about. Ricky (who lately prefers to be called Rich) is still at home finishing high school, a few hundred miles away. He's 17 now and a classic "nice kid," the sort that other boys' moms wish they had: stays out of trouble, plays sports, studies hard. He'll probably make it to 21 without having to lie or answer "Yes" to any of those "have you ever...?" questions on application forms. He runs long-distance events in track and competes in school swimming and diving meets, so you can probably visualize the kind of long lean body he has. He would have no problem getting dates, but he's on the shy side. I hope someday he gets over that. I also have a little sister Jody, 12, who wants to grow up like me for some reason. That's it for the family. Mom has dates sometimes, mostly with men from where she works, but there's nobody of the male persuasion steady in her life, at least not that I know of. Dad left our household years ago; he lives in California. I spent my last summer vacation and last year's school vacations with him and he wasn't drinking for the first time I can remember. He did go to a lot of AA meetings, which made me happy. He said he got a lot of stuff worked out in his life by writing about it after he got sober, which is one reason I'm writing this. I think I need to look at these memories. The events I'm writing about happened a couple of years ago in late Spring. Ricky had just turned 15 and I had been 17 for a couple of months. Since I skipped a grade in grammar school, I was about to graduate early from high school, and was feeling very grown-up and mature, thank you very much. A couple weeks before, Ricky had gotten into a losing argument with a car while riding his bicycle. It wasn't the driver's fault, since Ricky had just barreled out into the street in front of him at full tilt. The bike was killed dead, a total wreck. Ricky, luckily for him, only had his arms broken in a couple of places, plus a couple of ribs cracked and a collar bone broken. Plus some internal injuries that healed fairly quickly, and assorted deep bruises. He got out of it alive and without serious head or spinal injuries, was the main thing. But he was hurting. When Ricky got home from the hospital he was all wrapped up in bandages across his chest and had immobilizing casts on both arms. They installed his poor injured carcass in a rented hospital bed in his room, all hooked up to ropes and pulleys that held his arms slightly elevated to accelerate healing, I guess. The poor kid was completely helpless and had to be taken care of by a nurse who came during the day, courtesy of the state government. She was a big, 50-ish, no-nonsense woman who looked like a prison guard. At night she went home to whoever loved her and Mom tended to Ricky's needs. I guess that's a situation anyone can get used to in time, but I felt really sorry for Ricky, having to be fed and bathed and use a bedpan and everything. I just couldn't imagine having to use a bedpan. In a hospital room, with nurses to handle the details, maybe; but right there at home? With my own MOM wiping my butt and pulling my pants back up and emptying the bedpan and everything? It boggled my mind to think about it. Still does. (Well, after the first week or so Ricky was strong enough to get out of bed and walk to the toilet if someone unhooked the ropes for him, but he still needed help because he couldn't bend his arms. And he couldn't stay on his feet for long. Poor kid.) Mom is tough, and smart too, and knew how to help Ricky feel better about it; or at least, he never complained. The nurse took care of the worst of the intimate details most of the time, so I guess it was workable. Mom pretty much kept me and Jody out of Ricky's room at first because he felt miserable and also, I suppose, he didn't feel like answering any embarrassing questions. By the second week we all sort of took everything for granted, and visited Ricky when he wasn't otherwise occupied and stayed out of the way when he needed privacy with Mom or the nurse. In the second week after the accident, on a Friday night after Ricky's nurse had left, Mom got a panic night call from her job and had to go in to help fix problems with some sort of engineering proposal they were all excited about. She put me in charge of Ricky and Jody for the evening. We expected it wouldn't be a problem, since they were both asleep. I was watching TV when I heard Ricky holler out for Mom, so I ran up to his room to see what he needed. He asked where Mom was and I told him, and he asked if I would mind getting him some toast with honey since he was hungry. I said sure, and went to get it. When I got back he explained I needed to put a towel on his chest in case of spills because crumbs and such could get uncomfortable. So I pulled the blanket down to his waist and put a hand towel over his chest, put another pillow under his head to bring his head closer to upright, sat down on the bed by him and held the toast up to his mouth so he could take a bite. He was smiling at me as I did all this, which made me feel good since I always really liked Ricky. He was a super kid and a good younger brother. We had a minor mishap when some honey dripped off the toast and started rolling down his cheek. I jerked the toast away so I could dab at his cheek with the towel, but that just made things worse -- the toast got away and landed the way Murphy's Law says it must, with the honey side down, half on Ricky's stomach and half on the blanket. Ricky started giggling out loud, so, since he wasn't wearing a shirt (the casts on his arms made him too hot if he wore one) I started tickling his sides, not too hard. Pretty soon honey had gotten pretty much all over. Once we'd both calmed down a bit, I got a warm, wet washcloth and started washing him -- laving, as the old word goes -- from his chest bandage down to the top of his p.j. bottoms, wiping his stomach gently so as not to start him laughing again. Ricky had his eyes closed and was smiling, and I never felt so close to him as I did then. I just loved him to pieces. There wasn't any sexual component; it's just that seeing him smile like that, with his eyes closed, as I washed his body, made my heart full. Like I said, I have always liked Ricky. When I pulled down the blanket in order to put a new (unhoneyed) one onto the bed, the sheet pulled down with it, so he was uncovered except by his pajama bottoms. When I glanced back up at him from where I was removing the sheet and blanket, something struck me as odd, and then I realized Ricky had an erection. It was raising the front of his p.j.'s so that its outline showed rather clearly from his crotch down along his left leg. I guess my mouth dropped open in surprise; I know my eyes widened and I just stared stupidly at the outline of his erect penis under the thin cloth of his pajamas. It's odd, but I remember an image flashed through my mind of his cute little thingie the last time I had seen it, when he was about 4 or 5 years old, and I thought how much bigger it was now. (Duh.) I don't know how long I stared. Eventually he more or less cried out "Jeannie!" and raised up the knee nearest me. I tore my eyes away and looked up at his face. Poor Ricky -- he was mortified! His cheeks were bright red, and I think he might have given just about anything to be able to cover himself up at that point. But with his arms immobilized, of course all he could do was raise his knee and sort of point it away from me in order to hide himself. My heart went out to him. I had never meant to embarrass him. "Ricky, it's okay," I told him. "I've seen pictures in sex-ed and you don't have anything to be ashamed of. I love you." Somewhere in there I started smiling at him. "You're beautiful. It's okay, you have a beautiful male body, and really it's okay." "I can't help it," he told me. "It felt so good when you were washing me, and I've been like stuck here. Forever. I'm really sorry, Jeannie. I'm so sorry." I think he was about to cry. Remember I'm not a very sexually active person, and at that time I was technically still a virgin. So this was unknown territory for me. Not that I was completely ignorant. I'd taken sex-ed (not much real knowledge there -- I guess we got the Baptist version). Also, the year before, at 16, I had gotten too hot and heavy for comfort with my boyfriend Tom in the back of his father's car a couple of times, me with my shirt unbuttoned and Tom groping me while I groped him back. One night I let him finger me between my legs until I had an orgasm. Then he told me he needed release also, or it would be physically painful for him, which was a new idea to me. But fair is fair, so I let him show me the right way to stroke his erection and I brought him to climax that way; he spurted semen all over himself and his shirt and the car seat. It was astonishing and a bit scary, how much fluid came jetting out of him. I could see how it might be painful for a boy to have to hold all that in. When the spurting slowed down I let go of Tom's penis, but even so his semen got all over my hand and I had to wipe it off -- I used his jeans for that, hee hee. (Thank god for the sex-ed class, though -- I knew in general terms what was going on with him physically, so I didn't freak out. But I bet his poor old dad freaked the next day if he noticed the backseat in his car.) Anyhow, after the second date in which we "got each other off" manually, I told Tom it made me nervous because I didn't want to go all the way with anyone yet, and I was afraid we would lose control. Tom respected my wishes, bless him. We still hugged and kissed, but we toned it down enough that such "heavy petting" (as they said in sex-ed) wasn't needed by him, or by me, anymore. We were still friends the last time I saw him, quite awhile ago -- platonic but intimate at the same time if you know what I mea n by that. The point is that I did know what the male of the species sometimes needs for physical release and I had learned (twice, with a good friend) how to provide it. Ricky looked so miserable, and I was feeling such love for him, and I so wanted for him to understand that his feelings and his body really were okay, and I didn't think any the less of him. All these feelings just sort of came together in my mind all at once very strongly, and while I held his gaze I sat down next to him, reached over his bent leg and cupped my hand over his erection. It had shrunk a bit in his embarrassment, I guess, but as I held it I felt it grow full again, and Ricky straightened out his knee. His cock sort of twitched irregularly, moving under my hand as I gently squeezed. Ricky was looking seriously shocked, so I smiled and went, "Shhhh!" God. After two years of keeping all this to myself it feels very strange to be writing it out in detail like this so others can read about it. Even more weird, it's making me feel itchy. Horny. This can't be normal, but I'm going to have to pull down my pants and relieve myself before I soak my clothes. Amazing. Anyhow, to get on with it. "Ricky," I told him as softly as I could so Jody wouldn't wake up, "this is a normal thing for a boy to feel. I know you need relief sometimes, and you can't do it for yourself right now. It must be very uncomfortable. But I know how to help you feel better. May I? Would you mind?" While I babbled all that sex-ed-lecture type stuff he was watching me. His face looked very intense. "Are you sure you want to?" he asked, and I smiled and nodded. "Oh, Jeannie, it's so great, I'm so frustrated, if you'd do that for me... are you sure?" He was babbling too. I looked down at where I was gently kneading his rigid cock through his p.j.'s, and I think I caught my breath. There was a small, wet spot in the cloth, where the end of his cock was located. I looked up at him briefly -- he was watching me from between his suspended arms -- then hooked my hands over his p.j. bottoms at each side of his hips and pulled down on them. Ricky raised up slightly to help and I pulled his pajama bottoms down below his knees, leaning back to do so. Then I sat back up and reached over to touch him. His cock was standing up in the air, moving back and forth with his heartbeat, and I couldn't take my eyes away from it. He was absolutely gorgeous. And compelling. I was mesmerized. The thing is, this wasn't a heavy grope session in the dark, in some boy's father's car at the end of a date. This was on top of a bed, with the light on, and no one else in the house but my sleeping little sister. Ricky's cock just looked incredibly beautiful to me -- longer than the width of my hand by a couple or three inches (I guess that made it about 6 inches long) and perfectly proportioned; maybe on the slim side compared to Tom, but that's how Ricky's whole body was built, so it seemed just right. It had veins sticking out on its surface and a reddish head on the end with just a hint of moisture around the small opening slit. It stood up there, waving around, and took my breath away. I don't know if guys have any idea what power they have over females with that member of theirs, or maybe it's just me, but the effect of seeing Ricky's fully engorged penis -- his phallus -- was electric. It was as if all my circuits were suddenly running on double voltage. My breathing was out of control, my crotch was begging me to masturbate, and I was utterly enthralled. I guess you can tell, the sight burned itself into my memory. When I reached over to grasp Ricky's cock, my hand fit comfortably around it, overlapping a little. As I squeezed, it jerked against my hand, and when I stroked my hand upward toward the head the way Tom had taught me, moisture appeared at the end and spread downward to my fingers. I reached my left hand over to rub my finger around in it; it felt warm and slick. When I circled my fingertip around to the underside of his cock, where the head flared out slightly to the side and then swept up toward the slit at the end, Ricky groaned and hunched his hips up toward my hand. I could tell it felt very good to him; lord knows it was making my own world intense. My hormones must have been in flood stage by then. I could see and pay attention to everything I did to Ricky, I could see the physical details of how he was built, how his testicles hung down against his crotch and where his butt started down below that, and I could see a sort of hint of his anus hidden away down there. Most of all, I could clearly see what happened when I did certain things to him, and all this made me a bit crazy. One time I glanced up to his face and saw Ricky gazing back down with his eyes half shut, watching the action, but I didn't look up long enough even to smile or anything. I just looked right back down at his wonderful, full cock and at what I was doing to it and how Ricky was responding. "Jeannie, I'm getting close," he said (his voice was even a bit hoarse!) so I stroked my right hand up and down faster. Then, pausing but not letting go of him, I moved over on the bed so my left knee rested outside of his right leg and my right knee was between his legs. It gave me a more direct view of his cock and his testicle sack. Tim Allen says a guy's ball sack -- okay, his scrotum, but that's such an ugly word -- looks like leftover elbow skin, and it does, kind of, but it's awfully sexy just the same. Anyway, I reached over with my left hand to lift his balls while I stroked his erection with my right, and the tips of my left hand fingers, pressing lightly against the skin behind where his ball sack joined his body, could feel his muscles contract every now and then. From this and from his hip action I figured he was about to let loose with his semen, like Tom had done. When I scratched lightly at the skin behind his balls he moaned softly, so I stroked up and down faster with my right hand and kept scratching lightly, up and down behind his ball sack, with my other hand. This provoked a more intense moan, and he started hunching his hips up and down. It was fascinating and wonderful to watch. I guess it was too intense to last -- Ricky started to spurt, and I could feel each jet of semen moving against my fingers inside his cock (!), just before it pulsed out of the little slit on the end. My left hand fingers, resting against Ricky's crotch behind his balls, could feel the muscles there contract with each spurt. I hadn't noticed any of that with Tom, but then everything about this was different from anything before. By now I was moving my own hips back and forth, rubbing myself against Ricky's leg; it was so compulsive that it still makes me blush to recall. But I needed the release and had a little orgasm myself as Ricky shot out his semen. He must have spurted strongly 4 or 5 times, not counting the little in-between "spurtlets." I can still see it clearly in my mind. His first really strong pulse was incredible -- it went clear up to his face, landed on his right cheek next to his nose, and left a glistening string of semen down over his lips and chin onto his chest bandages and the towel. As I continued stroking he kept spurting with decreasing energy until finally his penis started getting softer and smaller in my hand. Unlike with Tom I didn't want to let go right away, but Ricky sort of pulled away, murmuring: "Too hard, Jeannie, take it easier," so I tried to make my hand motions less urgent. Guided by Ricky's hip movements and soft vocal sounds, I moved my hand against him gently until finally he lowered his hips all the way back down and I knew he was finished. This is how I learned it hurts a boy to stroke his penis too hard when he is almost done ejaculating, but feels good to him if you rub gently at the underside, jus t below the head. I guess the nerves there are concentrated but not oversensitive. Male physiology is very strange sometimes. Interesting, but strange. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Ricky," I told him, and meant it. "I love you." Then on impulse (and I guess a bit lewdly) I leaned up to kiss him on the mouth briefly, with my mouth slightly open so I could wipe my tongue over his mouth where his semen had landed. I just wanted to taste it for some reason. It tasted interesting and okay, a bit like raw shellfish but more subtle, I thought. I liked it. Or maybe what I liked was knowing where it came from and that I had caused it. Ricky-juice, courtesy of Jeannie. Anyhow, after I kissed him I used the towel to wipe up the rest of his semen. It had shot all over the place and had collected in little puddles here and there, mostly on his belly. "Ricky, are you okay that I did that for you?" I asked him. I was a little worried and guilty, I mean incest is a strong taboo, but his eyes were wide open and steady, and he just gazed at me and nodded his head. I have always loved his steady gaze. "I'll come back and do it again if you want me to, until you get well," I told him. "Jeannie, I love you. I really do," he said. I smiled at him and got up to warm the washcloth that had started all this, and washed him off again before pulling his p.j.'s back up. I put the new sheet and blanket over him, kissed him on the mouth again quickly, and left. Did I mention this episode wasn't entirely noble of me? I ran back to my room, dropped my pants, lay down and rubbed myself to another orgasm, a big one that felt like it lasted about 10 minutes. God it was intense. The sight of that beautiful cock spurting semen all the way up to Ricky's face just wouldn't leave my mind, and I had to release my own energies several times more before I could even get to sleep that night. The next morning was the same -- I masturbated to images of Ricky's erupting cock and memories of how his semen tasted as soon as I woke up, and since it was a Saturday, I repeated the process two or three times during the day, just about every time I went to the bathroom, in fact. I just couldn't seem to get over it. That night, Mom went to bed early and Jody stayed over at a friend's house, so about a half hour after the house went dark I snuck into Ricky's room again. "Ricky," I whispered. "Yeah, hi Jeannie," he whispered back. "Would you like me to do it for you again? Would you mind? I really want to," I whispered, and sat down on the bed by him. I guess I was past trying to be subtle or act noble about it -- I just wanted a repeat of the night before! "Jeannie, I was scared you wouldn't want to anymore. I was afraid you would hate yourself. Or hate me. Or wish it had never happened." He sounded very tense, so I smiled and rested my hand on his stomach, on top of the blanket. "I would do anything not to hurt you," he told me, "but you can't know how much it meant to me. It felt so good and I'm so alone in here. I love you so much." He was starting to babble again, but I didn't mind. I just moved my hand around in circles on his stomach and watched his face. He may be my brother, but at that moment, in the shadowy light from the street outside, he looked more beautiful to me than any human has a right to be, with eagerness and fear and a shy smile chasing each other across his face. I simply loved him. Totally. "If you don't really want to that's alright. But if you're okay with it, if you're sure -- I would love it," he whispered. "I love you, Jeannie" he added, and I'm sure he meant it, because I loved him at that moment too, and I told him so. There was something wonderful about the trust and intimacy of it. I got up and locked his door (we all got door locks as kids as soon as we could be trusted not to lock ourselves in by accident -- it was Mom's statement of respect for our privacy). Then I switched on his reading lamp so I could see him better. He was watching me, his eyes glistening. I could hear him breathing faster, and I guess I was puffing a bit, too. Gazing at his face, I squatted down by the bed and reached my arm down under the blanket to his p.j. bottoms, then under the elastic and down to his penis. It was already hard, so I reached under it and sort of flipped it over, so it lay up along his stomach, and stroked it gently up and down, putting light pressure on the underside of it. When he sighed, I leaned up under his elevated arm and kissed him on his mouth. His lips were open so I opened mine too, and his tongue strayed hesitantly into my mouth. I played my own tongue against his, and it turned into a deep, lingering kiss as I rubbed his cock under the covers. It was very intense. When we broke the kiss, I whispered, "I want to see you," and moved to pull down the blanket and sheet. I then pulled his pajamas down; as before, he raised his hips to help. Once again I was treated to the sight of his erect cock standing up, pulsing in time to his heartbeat. And again it was a powerful and beautiful sight. I moved onto the bed and knelt below his crotch, this time with both knees between his legs. This forced his legs farther apart than they had been the previous night and I had a better view of his physiology as I stroked him. When he raised his knees a little and moved them farther apart, it was even better. I was fascinated at the way his crotch pulsed just before I felt his cock move in my hand and a little bit of fluid would dribble out -- but not really dribble, more like just moisture spreading from the end. I reached over with my left hand to rub the liquid into his skin on the underside, where the head joined the main body of it, the upper shaft, where the night before I had learned he was sensitive. He moaned softly at that, and the sound felt so energizing and intense I could hardly stand it. On impulse, I leaned over and licked the underside of his cock, starting down by his balls and moving up to the head. It tasted strongly of his semen up by the head, a bit less neutral than I remembered from the previous night, somewhat saltier. First drops, I suppose. Delicious. "My god, Jeannie - oh my god, that feels good," he moaned. So I moved my right hand down to the base of his cock, lifted his balls with my left hand, and took his cock right into my mouth. It was the first time I had ever done that. All I had ever heard about it was a few giggling remarks about "eating" from my girl friends and a mention or two of oral sex in sex-ed class. I don't even know why I did it. But I did do it, and I liked it. Boys can't know the delicious, sinful sense of power a girl can get from running her mouth up and down on a hard cock, knowing she is in control, knowing that the tube of hard-but- soft flesh in her mouth is concentrating the boy's every sensation into a final explosion, and she is the cause of it. I doubt if even gay males can share that feeling since they have the same physiology as their partner. As a female I got a sense of control over powerful but dimly understood force s that made my blood race. It was my first experience of that exhilaration. As Ricky's cock throbbed in my mouth he started hunching his hips up at my face. I removed my right hand from his cock and put it down on the bed by his hip so I could put my weight on it and move my head up and over his cock more. By raising my body and then lowering my head so my hair fell down on his stomach, I could take as much of him into my mouth as possible without physical discomfort. I think I took most of him in, right into my throat, and it didn't even choke me, I was so excited! Then he started to spurt, once again in a series of powerful jets that this time I felt against the back of my throat. There was a kind of vibration to it as the fluid spurted out against my tissues. As this happened, Ricky was hunching his cock up and down in my mouth so I kept my head still and just circled my tongue against the underside of his cock as he moved, to let him pace his own release. I guess about a quarter cup of his semen must have gone down my throat as I kept swallowing while he gushed. He was groaning and saying my name over and over. It was wonderful. As his ejaculation finished, his cock shrank and I had him entirely inside my mouth. I moved my tongue around on the underside gently while I scratched around some more, lightly, behind his balls. This provoked more twitching inside my mouth as he hunched his hips up at me, though I don't know if any more semen came out or if it was just residual feel-goods. I never have figured that out. Anyhow, his cock finally stopped twitching. I held him against the roof of my mouth with my tongue for awhile longer, until I was sure he had finished, then I removed his cute little soft penis from my mouth, kissed its head, pulled up his p.j.'s, covered him with a blanket, whispered, "I have to go now," and hurried out of the room. Where I went was to my own room for a series of crashing orgasms while I fingered and manipulated and rubbed myself, sometimes in ways I had never tried before -- I even put a finger up my own butt during one climax. I was quite shameless. It was terrific. For the next few weeks, until his casts came off, I went into Ricky's room almost every night after everyone else was asleep. Sometimes I used my hands on him but more often I used my mouth; each time, I drained him of semen and then ran back to my room to, let's say, watch an instant replay in my mind as I released my own pent-up energies. Some of those encounters were memorable. One time I got back late from a school dance and Ricky was already asleep when I went in. I snuck my head and arms under the covers, carefully maneuvered his soft penis through the opening in the front of his pajamas, put it into my mouth and gently sucked on it. The sensation woke Ricky up, and it thrilled me to feel how quickly he went from soft to hard, right there inside my mouth. Maybe because of the surprise, he lasted longer than usual that night, building gradually to his climax without any wild hum ping or such; he just let me control the pace. I loved it. There is no way I can fool myself into thinking I did that to Ricky as he slept in order to help him meet an immediate physical need. He was fast asleep. I did it because I loved it, and I loved him, and he loved to have me do it. I remember looking up at his face while I bobbed my head up and down on him and licked around the base of his balls and suckled at him -- I did pretty much everything I could think of, in fact, while I watched his face -- and he watched me back with his eyes half shut and a tender smile on his face. Since he was being so passive, I dragged things out as long as I could, until finally I was the one who couldn't stand it anymore. Then I triggered his orgasm by moving my mouth up and down on him faster and scratching lightly between his legs from the base of his balls back to his anus. Touching his anus popped him off like a rocket, I remember: He made a strangled moaning sound and started humping wildly up at me and jetting his semen into my throat. I drank him down and ran to my room for a mental replay. Another time, at his request, I got completely naked and let him look at my body. He said I was beautiful, and for that moment I did feel beautiful, but also shy for some reason. He liked my boobs a lot, although they are not very big. I showed him how my nipples get hard when I stroke and pull on them, and then I straddled his chest, kneeling, and parted myself with my fingers so he could see how I'm built sexually. My clitoris was swelling right out there wanting attention, and when I pointed it out he said it looked like a little excited nubbin. I put a finger up into my vagina so he could see how slick and wet it gets inside of me. (Yes, I was very turned on.) I let him lick and suck my finger after, which he was eager to do! Finally, I stroked myself to an intense orgasm while he watched. His eyes were wide, his head was up off the pillow, and I don't think he blinked the whole time. Yow, did I erupt! With his arms up on ropes, watching was about all the participation he could manage -- other than letting me take care of his physical needs afterwards. It made him incredibly excited. After I stroked myself to climax right in front of his face, I scooted down on the bed to take him into my mouth, and he started spurting just about as soon as I closed my mouth around him. It felt like he gushed half a cup of semen down my throat that time! I only got naked for him the one time, though, because I was afraid Mom might wake up and knock at the door, and also, like I said, it made me feel self conscious. After Ricky's casts came off he invited me into his room again one night but I told him he could take care of his own needs now. I told him when we both got older and knew more, we might decide to make love again, but for now we had better stop. He never pushed me about it, though he always had a smile ready when I looked his way or smiled at him. At the end of that school year I graduated and went on to college early for Summer session. (I had to earn a scholarship to go to college, and I take it very seriously.) I'm on the pill now, and have "gone all the way" with several very nice guys; but for excitement I'm afraid they were nothing to write about, even though they were all built bigger than Ricky in the cock department. Of course, Ricky was barely 15, so who knows if he was finished growing yet, down there... Ultimately, and I know this is a cliche, but it's true -- I really don't care whether Ricky's cock has grown larger over the last few years. He was beautiful just the way he was, and that's what I want to remember. I don't think I'd like it much if he grew a gargantuan, swollen, outlandish member like some kind of primitive carved potency fetish. To borrow a metaphor I saw used here, I'll leave the horses to other horses. (Or is that a simile?) Anyhow, when I go home for Thanksgiving at the end of next week I guess I will offer to renew my physical acquaintance with Ricky -- I mean with Rich; the name change will take some getting used to -- if I can do it without damaging him emotionally. I know the experience won't hurt me. Reliving those early sexual contacts in this note has reminded me that I got as much out of it as he did, and I suspect getting physical again now that he can participate fully should either let us both achieve closure or give us something wonderful to guard and treasure and use carefully into the future. Wow. I just realized how important that is, the fact that I trust him to be as careful with me as I will be with him. I actually trust him completely. I saw trust mentioned in someone else's note on the subject of incest, but the importance of it just now sank in. Trust, and love, and acceptance. Now I really do want to find out if Ricky, I mean Rich, wants to give it another go. I guess I'll try to get him alone long enough to let it happen if it wants to. When I get back here to school after Thanksgiving I'll write again to tell how it comes out. (Assuming I don't lose my courage and wuss out.) Now I have to go relieve some physical stresses of my own while thinking about Ricky. About Rich. Wow. I'm absolutely soaked again. Hoping broken taboos won't cause pain -- Jeannie (19 and finally ready to experiment a little further) *** If you have an incest experience you would like to share, please send it to: RankAmateur@WriteMe.com. Anonymity guaranteed. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Men sometimes grow up with an underwear fetish because they played with their mother's or sister's lingerie. Did you ever get into that? What were your feelings about it? Was incest a part of your fantasies? *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 15 Though incest is among society's strongest taboos, statistics show a lot of us have done it -- or are doing it. Whether as part of mutual exploration, seduction, or even abuse, incest creates enduring memories with emotional and erotic impact. This digest is one way of discussing and illuminating this subject. Plus, the stories are fun to share! If you have an incest experience you would like to share, please send it to: RankAmateur@WriteMe.com. Anonymity guaranteed. Many of you enjoyed part 1 of Jeannie's story last issue. Here is her follow-up. Jeannie, you are one *hot* writer! >kiss< [personal to Jeannie: please write.] *** From: "Jeannie" (mf, teen, cons, incest, true) Well, I'm back from Thanksgiving at home and I kept my promise to myself -- I told my younger brother Rich (not Ricky anymore) I would like to make love to him again if he also wanted to. When I got back to school I found a couple of notes asking me to post how it all worked out, so here is a journal. It's long -- everything's so fresh in my memory that lots of words came out. I hope no one minds. Here's a little intro. Approaching Rich after more than two years turned out to be very scary. It took time to find the right chance and I almost chickened out completely. My fear was rather extreme. For the record, I'm glad I did finally approach him and I'm glad I resisted my fears, which had me convinced it was all a huge mistake and I'd better rethink. What if he freaks and tells someone? What right do I have to put that kind of pressure on Rich? What if the whole idea turns his stomach because he's become gay? What if I caused it by getting so oral with him before? Yada yada yada. It turned out Rich wanted me as much as I did him and my fear just evaporated. No doubt we'll run into complications eventually, but nothing's free. We'll just have to be careful. In case you missed my last note, I'm a 19-year-old college student who had a series of sexual encounters with my younger brother two and a half years ago. He was barely 15 and was stuck at home in a hospital bed after a bicycle accident. I was 17. One night I accidentally caught him with an erection and he got miserably embarrassed. Being all tied up in casts, ropes and pulleys, he couldn't do anything about it, so I relieved him myself, by hand. He needed the release and I wanted him to know I loved him even if his male body made unreasonable demands; he didn't have to curl up and die just because I had seen his erect penis. It was a very rash, spur-of-the-moment thing, but I found I liked it and one thing quickly led to another. Until they took the rigid casts off his arms I used my hands or my mouth on him almost every night to give him sexual release. Once the casts came off and he could take care of his own needs, we stopped. That's kind of a summary of my earlier note. While writing it I decided to ask Rich this Thanksgiving holiday if he wanted to make love. So I did, and he did, and we did, and I'm glad. So here's "What I Did for Thanksgiving Vacation," may it never fall into the delicate hands of Mrs. R., my fourth grade teacher. Then again Rich and I are widely considered to be "good kids," so I guess you can never tell... - "J." Once I had made up my mind to actually approach Rich, I got so sunk into the idea I was useless at school, spending all my mental time in bed with him, going around dreamy, moonstruck, fantasizing about Rich loving me back instead of just being passive like he had to be the first time. I guess writing about our incest made me obsessive or something. Whatever, I needed to deal with it and find closure one way or another. I arranged to do some make-up work in my only two classes that aren't near-automatic A's and headed home the Thursday night before official T'giving break began. My kid brother was very much on my mind when I got home, but it was after 2 a.m. so I just snuck up to my old room (now a generic spare room) and fell asleep. The next morning when I saw Rich at breakfast I immediately chickened out. He may be my kid brother, but at 17 Rich stands a good 6 or 7 inches taller than I do (I'm 5'6 in my shoes) and he's gained quite a bit of muscle around his shoulders. He still has the long, slim build of a runner and swimmer (I'm on the thin side too), but he's not physically a kid anymore. It didn't feel like I had the advantage of being his older sibling. And he didn't have his arms in casts either. How about that? In wussing out, I discovered one of the things I liked about our previous encounters was that he was helpless and younger than me. With Rich immobilized I could let myself go completely. Now I was afraid I couldn't do that anymore. Not to mention, this time there would be absolutely nothing accidental about it. Frankly, Rich attracted me so strongly I didn't feel secure about his being my brother instead of a "love interest," if you see what I mean. Add to that a strong fear of rejection, betrayal or discovery, and I was ready to bolt. Scary. There it stood the first day of my visit and much of the next, with me afraid to say anything and wondering if even thinking about it meant I was sick in the head. As always, Rich had a smile ready whenever I glanced over or smiled at him, a complete gentleman. I don't think he had any idea of what I'd come home ready -- or maybe unready -- to do, or the insane levels my hormones were reaching as I watched him move around like some young athlete. On Saturday afternoon, Mom and my younger sister Jody, who turned 13 the week before, went to a double-feature movie. I begged off on grounds of holiday homework. Rich said he didn't feel like getting stuck at the mall with his mom and sister for hours after the movie. Jodie stuck out her tongue, Mom and Jody left, and we he had the house to ourselves for at least the next 4 or 5 hours, counting mall time. I knew if I put off talking to Rich I probably never would find the courage. Maybe I was just scared of how I would feel if I let this chance slide by, but whatever the reason, I decided I'd better do something while I had some backbone. Rich was in the living room watching TV, so I went in and sat by him on the couch -- a decent distance away, of course, not physically touching or anything crass like that. He smiled over at me, and I bit my lip and just looked at him. "What," he said, frowning a little. He cocks his head when he's puzzled, which I think is really cute even if it's supposed to be a girl's posture. Like playing with your hair. God he's cute. This is wrong. I can't do this. I have to do this. Yada yada. Take the plunge. "Rich -- remember when you were laid up in bed?" My heart was racing -- I'm not kidding about the fear. He let out a long breath. "Jeannie, how could I forget? It was the only good thing that happened." (The quote is approximate, but close.) I remember he paused a moment, looking at me. "I always wondered if you had regrets for... what we did." "No. No regrets ever. Not for myself," I told him. "But I was afraid it might have hurt you. You know. Emotionally or something." "Are you kidding? It just made me love you more." He leaned toward me with an intent look. "Jeannie, I completely love you. All my heart. Nobody had better ever hurt you. I mean that." (That is an accurate quote. It's tucked away in my memory, in the place where I keep my treasures.) He was watching me with that open, direct gaze of his and started to reach toward me, but pulled his hand back like he couldn't make up his mind. Maybe I flinched when he moved his hand, I don't know; certainly I felt jumpy. I didn't say anything, couldn't even think, much less talk. I just watched him and bit my lower lip some more. Rich tells me I usually do that when I'm feeling uncertain or scared. Finally he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" "Yes, I think I need to," I told him, and couldn't help looking down at my lap. I suppose my face was red. "It'd sure help if you would hug me. Just hold me for a second. I need you to hold me." My voice kept getting smaller and I guess it was obvious I was scared. It sure wasn't the cheerful, fearless "Wanna try it again, bubba?" kind of approach that I'd fantasized pulling off. Bless him, Rich just stood up in front of me without another word and held out his hands. I grabbed them and he pulled me to my feet, then put his arms around me and held me against his body. I put my own arms around him and hugged back. Actually, it felt more like hanging on for dear life. After a deep breath and a couple of still moments, it started to feel like I might melt into him. I guess if someone had seen us we would have looked pretty glued together. I remember my cheek was pressed against his chest and I could hear his heart beating -- it was going fast, like mine. His chest and stomach felt hard and solid against my front and I could feel him stirring against my lower stomach, where I was pressed against him. Where his legs began. Okay, his crotch. I was pressed against his crotch and he was stirring there, and my own "down there" parts did some stirring of their own, so to speak. But I was still scared; I mean, this was far gone beyond the norm. Rich kissed the top of my head and said in a low voice, "Jeannie, tell me. Just say it. Whatever it is." He was making my knees weak. Weird experience -- it was like they wanted to buckle, and I was just hanging on tight. I looked up to his face. "Rich, can you forgive me? I don't want to stop," I told him. "I want to make love to you again. I want you to make love to me. You don't have to. It's wrong I guess. I don't want you to get hurt. Or Mom. But I don't want to leave things where they are. I keep thinking about it. About you. I need to know." I was babbling and didn't know how to stop. Rich solved my problem by leaning his head down to kiss me on the mouth, His lips were slightly open so I opened my own, and his tongue brushed lightly against my lips, then probed into my mouth where I met it with my own very willing tongue. He held me in a long, deep kiss and as we kissed I felt his hands stroking my back, up and down. I pressed every inch of myself against him, tried to wriggle even closer. He felt lovely and solid -- and safe. When we broke the kiss he held me for a moment, then said, "Let's go to my room," and led me up the stairs, holding my hand. At that moment I would have followed him anywhere, done anything. When we got to his room he paused to lock the door (we all got door locks as kids, out of respect for privacy), then turned and took my hands. I guess we were about a foot apart, and I couldn't stop looking into his eyes. I was sinking in them. "Jeannie, are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. Oops. Wrong question. I didn't know what I wanted at that moment. I wasn't in charge anymore. I didn't want to decide anything. Damn. "Don't you?" I asked. I could barely hear my own voice. Inwardly, I was cursing my recklessness and my cowardice at the same moment. "More than anything," he said, and drew me toward him. It was a wonderful moment but I don't know how to describe the emotions that swirled around inside me. Relief, gladness... nothing sounds right. I don't know how to say it. Like something had whooshed out that I didn't even know I had inside. (Sounds like gas.) Anyhow, when Rich leaned in to kiss me I expected him to put his arms around me but instead he let go of my hands and I felt him start to unbutton my shirt. I was wearing an old chambray work shirt and realized I was not wearing a bra -- my boobs aren't big enough to really need the support so I often choose comfort. Now I was self-conscious. Like he might think I'd planned it all out. Jeannie the slut, bring on the track team. Damn. Stop that. Shut up. Let it happen. All this noise kept going through my head, but Rich just kept kissing me and unbuttoning my shirt. When we came up for air he glanced down at what he was doing and I could tell when he realized I had no bra because he took a quick little breath of his own, then looked back up at my face with his eyes kind of wide. I smiled at him, or tried to, and realized I was biting my lip again. I felt very awkward. He leaned forward to kiss me again gently, then ran one finger down my front, tracing a light path on my skin down between my boobs and on down my stomach to the last two buttons still holding my shirt closed, and quickly undid them. We hadn't said a word and I don't know why I remember that sequence so well. Maybe because Rich didn't say anything? It felt like he accepted me the way I am and didn't pass judgment. It made me feel safe. I shut my eyes and finally was able to totally sink into the moment. Have I mentioned how much I love this brother of mine? When my shirt fell open Rich raised his hands to my breasts and started stroking them, gently tugging and manipulating my nipples the way I had shown him just once before, the one time I had gotten completely naked for him when I was taking care of his needs, while he was laid up. My nipples popped out so hard I think they tried to jump right off my boobs. Not to mention that direct connection between my nips and my crotch. Phew! I don't even remember where my hands were at that point -- maybe just hanging down at my sides. Rich had all my attention elsewhere and was compounding my interest with another deep, lingering kiss. Then he leaned forward to whisper, "I want to undress you. I want to do you the way you used to do me. I love you, Jeannie." I didn't need to hear the "magic words," but they are always nice when you know the other person means them. All I could do was whisper back, "Oh yesss..." or something like that. Or maybe I just nodded; I'm not sure. It didn't matter. I wasn't in charge. Rich bent down and picked me up like I didn't weigh anything, with one arm under my knees and the other supporting my back, right against my skin below where my shirt hung down from my shoulders. He was in a tee shirt and I can still feel his arm against me when I think about it. His left hand curved up against my side to hold me secure from falling and his fingers just touched the side of my breast. It felt like a promise. A psych professor of mine said when you vividly remember a touch or a movement, it means the memory goes bone-deep because those are the hardest senses to fool or to make hallucinate. Rich's arm supporting my back, pressed against my naked skin, his hand curved up against my side, the cool air against my breasts and nipples -- these memories are so vivid I can close my eyes and be there again. After picking me up Rich walked over to the bed with me; I dropped my shirt to the floor and he put me gently down. When I scooted over to make room, instead of lying down with me as I expected he sat next to me on the bed, looked at me a moment, and bent down to fasten his mouth to my boob. He cupped it with both hands while he sucked and licked my nipple, then moved one hand over to caress the other one too. He was making me a little dizzy. After a few moments he rested his cheek against my chest right below my breasts and looked up at me. "I dreamed about this, you know," he said. "I never stopped dreaming about you." I keep that with my treasures too. Then he went back to my breasts, paying attention first to one and then the other, and I discovered how wonderful it feels to lie passively on a bed and just soak up the sensations given by a lover. None of the three boys I had bedded at college ever did this for me! But there was nothing inept or impatient about Rich. As he kissed and nibbled at me he stroked his right hand down onto my stomach, moving his hand in circular motions. The tops of his fingers went just under the top of my Levis at the bottom o f the circles and I hoped he would go further soon. But I let him take the lead and just closed my eyes and stroked his head and occasionally went "Mmmmm" or said his name at a sweet moment. Mmmmm. Still vivid. Then his mouth left my breast and I felt him moving down on the bed, so I opened my eyes to see. He was down there fumbling around with the top button on my Levis. I reached down to help him, but he tilted his hand up to block me. "No fair," he told me. "It's my turn. You lie back. Let me try to give you the same magic you gave me." He moved my hands onto my stomach and went back to fumbling at my top button so I moved my hands up by my head, palms up, surrendering to him, and watched him work. It struck me that Rich was still completely dressed -- he even had his sneakers on. Not too romantic! But I figured he was in charge and if he wanted to -- excuse me -- fuck with his shoes on, so be it. But it would be hard to do that with his pants on. I was curious about what he intended. Once he had my Levis unfastened, he hooked his hands over them at my hips and tugged downward. I raised my hips to help him, as he had done for me more than once, and he slid my pants down below my knees. Then he moved farther down and took off my shoes -- I was glad I was just wearing slip-ons -- and pulled my pants the rest of the way off. So there I was, lying nude on the bed except for my panties, and I'm sure they were getting very soaked in the crotch. (Just as mine are now, from telling this! While writing my previous note I had to stop twice to masturbate, and now the urge is building again. Maybe that makes me an exhibitionist, or am I a voyeur on my own life? I don't know.) Anyway, getting on with it... While I lay there almost naked, Rich moved back up to my middle and sat by my hips, and just looked down at me. I still had my hands on the pillow by my head and was open to whatever he wanted. I guess what he wanted was to sit and just look at me for awhile. He moved his eyes from my head down to my feet and back up to my face, stopping here and there in between to gaze at various parts of me. It felt like a very intimate caress. I couldn't believe how stirred up I was getting. "Rich," I finally said, "aren't you going to undress?" "Shhh," he said, and leaned over to kiss me again briefly, then bent to suck at my nipple again -- yow! The connection to my crotch was getting electric. I might have moaned that time. He broke off long enough to take off his shoes and socks, which for some absurd reason made me feel grateful, I'm not sure why. Of course once his shoes were off he stopped undressing and went back to kissing and sucking at my breasts. I didn't really mind; in fact I loved him doing that. He lingered, paying attention back and forth, and I'd not have complained if he'd kept it up for hours. "God, you're beautiful, Jeannie," he finally said, pressing his cheek against my upper stomach. When I opened my eyes to look down I realized I had lowered one of my hands to stroke his head as he suckled at me. I had to smile, he looked so sweet. Since I was on my back my boobs only swelled up a little bit, but my nipples stood straight up! The whole area around my nips kind of glistened from the moisture of his kissing and licking. His gaze was roaming from my breasts to my face and back again, and he had his eyes half closed. He looked insanely sexy. "How can you be so beautiful?" he asked, and started kissing his way down my chest and stomach. I said before, I'm not beautiful, just fairly fat-free. Not everyone is even attracted to that kind of body. Rich always makes me feel beautiful, though. I guess beauty must really be in the eye of the beholder, dumb as that sounds. While he kissed his way down my front, he kept stroking my breasts, keeping my nipples erect, until he got to my lower stomach and the top of my panties. I was ready to have him tear them right off me, but instead he skipped down to my legs and, when I moved my knees apart a little, he started licking and kissing toward the insides of my thighs by my crotch. This prompted me to move my legs apart still farther and then I felt his tongue insinuate itself under the loose elastic around my leg, not much, but enough that his tongue was actually on my crotch, inside my panties! You bet that earned a moan or two. Then he pulled aside my soaked panties and started kissing and licking my actual sexual parts and I couldn't help it, I hunched up at his face, even though he hadn't gotten anywhere near my clitoris. I simply felt ready to explode. Maybe because my hips were off the bed, he finally tugged down at my panties. I kept my hips up to help him and he moved down to the bottom of the bed again to pull my panties the rest of the way off. I know I was soaked, because when I lowered my butt and lifted my knees and feet to help him finish getting me naked, the air felt cool against the moisture at my crotch. Once my panties were off, Rich moved my feet apart with his hands and got back onto the bed, kneeling between my legs just as I had once done with him. When he said he wanted to "do" me the way I had "done" him, he wasn't kidding. I was like my old Gumby toy: he could bend me any way he wanted. He slowly moved upwards, pushing my legs farther apart with his hands, stroking lightly upwards on my inner thighs, moving his eyes the whole time up and down my body, from between my legs to my face and back down to my thighs, with stops between. It was absolutely a caress; it gave me goosebumps. I remember feeling a drop of fluid roll from somewhere in my crotch down my butt about then. It tickled a bit. I guess I was gushing sexual fluids. Rich has that effect on me. When my legs were far enough apart to suit him, he leaned down and kissed and licked me all over the outside of my sex while he moved his hands up to my breasts and resumed playing with my nipples. I lay there passively but my breathing was getting ragged. Still, incredibly, I hadn't climaxed. His tongue on my sex felt good but didn't especially heighten my senses, though of course I enjoyed the sensations. But then he moved his hands back down to spread my labia and probed his strong tongue directly inside, into my vagina. I could hear myself going "Unnnnhhh..." -- not very original, I know -- as I hunched my center up at him again. God it was intense, his tongue moving around at the entrance to me like that. Then, slowly, still holding my labia apart, he moved his tongue up my sexual slit to wriggle against my clitoris, and I went off like a stick of dynamite. BOOM! Boom, boom! BOOM!! "Oh god, Rich!" I remember crying out, among other things, as the wave crested, subsided, rose and crested again. Still he didn't stop but kept stroking the flat of his tongue lightly up and down and around on my clitoris and the areas around it. He just didn't stop, and neither it seems could I. When I started to lower my hips at what I thought was the end, he put a finger up inside me ("Unnnnnnhhh...") and up went my hips again as he licked and sucked and fluttered his tongue around my clitoris. To my surprise, I quickly built up toward yet another orgasm! Soon I was so hunched up toward his face that I suppose not too much of me touched the bed, and ("Unngggg...!") here came another explosion. While it happened Rich was pushing his finger in and out of me, licking and fluttering his tongue at my sexual center, and I swear he turned my world upside down. Phew. And I hadn't even touched him intimately yet. Touched him? I hadn't caught my breath. He still had his clothes on, for god's sake! At that point Rich took his hands away from my sex -- okay, my cunt -- I don't like that word -- anyway he stroked his hands up my stomach to my breasts. He was looking up my body at me, his mouth and chin and cheeks shining in the light where he'd gotten my fluids all over himself. At some point I remembered to breathe again. "God, Rich," I said, "no one ever did that to me. I didn't know it could feel like that." It was true. I'd never been so completely out of control with anyone. I felt like whimpering. "God you look sexy," I added. It was an afterthought. "I'm glad," he said, and moved back up to lie next to me. He reached down to cup his hand over my crotch where I still tingled from what he had done. I leaned over to kiss his darling wet mouth and got my first taste of my own juices. They didn't taste like much, but knowing they were there made the kiss feel special. I kept my legs slightly apart so he could squeeze and stroke and explore me down there with his hand. It felt good, and I was quickly wet again. When we broke the kiss he bent to suck at my nipple again. I stroked his head. Except for his shoes, he was still dressed. "Rich," I asked him, "please get undressed and hold me. I want to hold you. Please." "Anything," he said, and smiled, and got up to undress. He took his time, which made it very sexy. As he unpeeled his clothes I realized his body was just as beautiful as I remembered, but more mature. He had a hint of hair trailing up his lower belly now, not just on his pubes, and his chest and shoulders were broader and more muscular, though he still has a swimmer's body, more lean than bulky. He doesn't have much body hair, which suits my personal tastes. His butt is a 10, as they say -- small and round and muscular, just right for his slim hips. It must be from running track events. It can't be normal or other guys would look that good too, and mostly they don't. He had his profile to me, so when he unbent from taking off his underwear I could see his erect penis standing straight out from his body. It had grown since our earlier encounters. I said in my first note that I didn't care if he grew larger down there, and I didn't; but it was still nice to see that he had gotten somewhat thicker and longer than I remembered. I guess it's a bit under seven inches long, thicker in proportion to the new length, but still on the slim side like the rest of him. It's about the same length as other guys I've had intimate contact with (not that many -- three, actually, in two years of college, plus my high school boyfriend Tom). Not a flagpole or a "horse," as you people say here, but beautifully right for him. I guess every guy is built differently in the cock department. In my own rather limited experience, I think Rich's is utterly the best. Believe me, at that moment I couldn't take my eyes off him. It. He must have noticed me staring when he turned to face me, because he put his hand around it -- his fingers overlapped, I remember -- and smiled when I looked back up his body to his face. I guess I had roaming eyes, like his when he first undressed me. "Is it what you remember?" he asked. "Somewhat larger, actually," I told him. (Hmmm -- I assumed he meant his penis -- I wonder if he meant his whole body? Well, it was the right answer either way.) "Still gorgeous. You are absolutely mind-bending." He smiled wider and I smiled back. "Rich, come lie down with me. I want to hold you." He did, and I rolled onto my side to put my arms around him. He rolled to meet me and I pressed my cheek against his chest, and his erection jabbed at my thighs. When I felt that, I reached down between us to hold him in my hand, squeezing gently like a veteran groper. My first impression was right -- his erect penis is somewhat thicker than when he was barely 15. Not enough to make me nervous, but it does have a nice amount of extra, what would you call it? Heft, I guess. A bonus. I loved how soft it felt for being so hard, and the way it responded when I squeezed. "Rich, can it be my turn now?" I asked him, and he smiled and nodded so I let go of his cock and scooted up to where I could plant another big, wet kiss on his mouth. He knew what I wanted right away, and we went into another deep, lingering kiss. I don't know if other women love to kiss like that, deep and long and with active tongue play, but I can't get enough of it, provided it's with someone I feel right about and he doesn't try to rape my mouth with his tongue. It might seem weird to want subtlety when playing "tonsil hockey," but that's what I'm trying to get at. Rich understood, and was thrilling to kiss. While we kissed, Rich stroked his hand down the small of my back to my butt, where he caressed and squeezed me. His other hand, the one by the bed, was between us, caressing my breast. I was gently fondling his very erect cock, stroking and squeezing. It was a perfect moment, loving and intimate and sexual all at once, and I don't think the outside world existed. When Rich tightened his hand on my butt, his fingers spanned the cheek and spread out on the side of my crotch and against my inner thigh. It made my sexual parts move around against each other, a terrific turn- on. Then he moved his fingers over and down between my legs from the rear; I arched my back to give him access, and he quickly found my vagina with his long, middle finger. I could feel the other fingers moving on either side as he probed and moved his finger on the inside of me. I heard myself making noises, and couldn't arch my back enough. While Rich caressed me like that from the rear we kept kissing, and I started moving my hand up and down on his cock. He was quickly very moist at the tip, which I remembered meant he needed release soon. So I broke the kiss, whispered, "My turn," and tasted my way down his long, flat, hard body. As I dropped lower he tried to keep his finger inside me but soon had to give up, and then I was face to face again (so to speak) with his erect cock. He was as gorgeous close-up as I remembered from before, perfectly proportioned, topped by a reddish head, with blue veins on the shaft. There was moisture around its little opening slit and more appeared as I stroked my hand up, but I didn't want him to go off quite so soon. I stopped stroking and instead put my hands on his thighs to move them farther apart. I then moved over to kneel with both of my legs between his knees, as he had just done to me. God it was a compelling sight, his hard cock standing up in the air, leaning slightly toward his belly but moving in time to his heartbeat, and the moisture at the end signifying his readiness. I lifted his balls and they felt heavy in my hand; I imagined them full of semen, though I believe the testicles are not where semen actually accumulates in a male. (I'll have to look that up.) But it felt sexy to imagine it that way, and I leaned down to kiss and then lick the underside of the sack while I stroked and lightly scratched the area where I remembered he was sensitive, right behind his balls between his legs, and on back toward his anus. He rewarded me with a soft groan, so I kept it up. By now Rich was stroking my hair as I ministered to him. Finally I licked around his balls, up the side of his sack to the base of his cock, then slowly up the underside of the shaft to its head. The taste of his semen, which I remember well and like to conjure up in my mind when I masturbate, was strong there at the head. It had a salty tang that I now associate with the first few drops (his flavor gets more neutral later during ejaculation). I could feel his energies building and knew he would not last much longer, so I carefully put my mouth around his cock without actually closing it over him and breathed softly out around it as I scratched lightly between his legs with my fingernails. I did not want to just set him off accidentally; I wanted him to build up to a finish he could never have just gone upstairs to do for himself, something as memorable as what he had just given me. Lewd? I certainly hoped so. So I drew it out as much as I could without being cruel. (The poor boy did need his release!) I scratched lightly, gradually back between his legs as I breathed out around his cock with each breath, and produced exactly the effect I'd hoped for. When my fingernail actually brushed his anus he went "Oh god, Jeez," in a strangled voice and hunched his hips up, sending his cock right against the back of my throat. The contact started him spurting strongly so I closed my mouth around him, using my tongue to hold him gently against the roof of my mouth so he could hunch himself up and down, spurting into my mouth and throat as I swallowed his output. I don't know how much he gushed, but it came out in a series of strong spurts that I felt very clearly, plus a longish period of gradual subsiding. I held him in my mouth the whole time, scratching lightly against his sensitive areas and moving my tongue around gently on the underside of his penis. His explosions felt absolutely glorious to me; he kept saying my name. Toward the end I reached down to touch myself between the legs and had a little orgasm of my own, nothing much, just a small energy release. My mind was really on Rich and what I was doing to him. Here's something maybe other women can tell me. Do you find that taking your man orally to climax and drinking down his fluids is in some ways more intense than other sexual experiences? I do. It has to do with being in control, and the lack of distractions (like orgasms) going on in my own body, and the complete and utter focus of my partner. Well, I haven't actually done or felt like doing that with anyone else, but that's how it feels with Rich. In any case, I absolutely did not want Rich ever to stop, but of course he did finish, and his penis subsided. I held him there in my mouth until he was completely still, though he did not shrink all the way down. When I was sure he was finished I took him back out of my mouth, all drained, and moved my body over to his side so I could rest my head on his stomach and just gaze at his penis as it rested there on my hand. With my mouth off it, his penis finished shrinking and I sort of studied it in its flaccid state. Memorized it. Male physiology is very strange and interesting. I was in some kind of dreamy place where I just wanted to look and look, and maybe go to sleep there and wake up later and look some more. Not that his soft penis had the same power as when it was all hard and eager, but it just looked... nice. Comfortable. I couldn't help kissing the head, which made it stir a little in my hand, so I moved back up Rich's body to rest my cheek on his chest and listen to his heart. It sounded strong and steady. I guess I dozed because the next thing I remember, Rich was whispering in my ear, "Jeannie - they're home! You've got to sneak out of here!" I bolted off the bed and put on my pants and shirt while Rich put his own pants back on. "I'll go downstairs and tell them you're taking a nap," he schemed. "You go into your room and come out later, when you feel like it." Then he stopped to look at me, got a funny, intense look on his face, and stepped over to cup my face in his hand and kiss me. I wondered if he could taste his juices on my tongue, the way I had tasted myself on him before. I didn't ask. He whispered, "Thank you, Jeannie. I love you. All my heart." I just put my arms around him and squeezed as hard as I could, pressing my cheek against his chest, loving him utterly. I didn't want to let go. After a moment he disengaged and left the room quietly, then I heard him clomping noisily downstairs, hollering, "How was the movie?" all cheerful and seeming like nothing much of interest had happened. It was all I could do not to laugh as I snuck down the hall to my room. I lay down on my bed to rest a minute, but before I knew it, I had my hand down my pants and was rubbing myself off again, thinking about the encounter with Rich. I just couldn't help it. I'm not usually that horny -- I'm really not! But Rich does something intense to me that I can't and don't want to resist. So it turned into a terrific visit home. Rich and I got together most nights and a couple times during the day for sex, though for some reason we kept it exclusively oral. We didn't have "normal sex" (as if any of this could be called normal!) until just before I left for school again. I had no complaints. There are lots of great variations on the oral theme and we experimented with most of them. For example, the second night after our "reunion," once everyone else was safely tucked away in bed, I snuck into Rich's room and we wound up in our first "69." It was Rich's idea; he wanted to give and get "magic" at the same time, as he puts it. But I'm sure I would have thought of it myself before long. It makes everything so mutual, if you see what I mean. It's very appealing. Neither of us had tried this before. I remember lying on our sides facing each other, exploring each other's sexual centers with hands and lips and tongues. Up until our energies started to build, it felt unhurried and sensual and fine; then it got more hectic. Rich pushed my leg up to get better access so I rested my knee on his shoulder. He licked and sucked and nibbled and probed and stroked every part of me, and brought my temperature up to about 150. At the same time I was fondling him, licking him all over, nibbling at his sensitive areas, stroking and tasting and feeling and engulfing every part of him I could get access to, which was, well, pretty much everything. It was wonderful. When orgasm overtook me I just had to roll over on top, bucking myself down against his face for all I was worth, with my knees drawn up under me. As my senses raced, he put one finger into my vagina and another into my butt ("Unnnngggggghh") while he kissed and licked and fluttered his tongue against my clitoris -- ye gods did I go off! It's a wonder no one woke up. (We did try not to make too much noise, of course.) Rich started spurting into my mouth while I was still bucking against him in my own rodeo, and I was so distracted by my sensory overload that I didn't even catch all of his Ricky-juice. Once we both calmed down some, I cleaned him up by licking his cock and his stomach and his crotch down by his balls, where the spilled semen had gone. That seems kind of gross in the retelling, I guess, but at the time it seemed a natural extension of what we had been doing. Anyhow it got me all hot again, which aroused him again, and off we went to another rodeo. Another night when I brought him to climax orally, I played the same anal trick on him that he had played on me -- just as he went off, I stuck my finger in his butt. Boy did that get a reaction! The next time I took it even further -- I put my finger into his butt somewhat sooner in his build-up and probed inward to the music of his groans until I felt his sphincter. I pushed in deeper, past the sphincter into his true insides, and Rich flipped. His groaning was very sensual and the energy build-up was intense. Way back there inside him I felt a swelling through his intestinal wall that had to be his prostate gland, if my sex ed books told the truth, and I stroked my finger against it as he spurted into my throat. I was jolted by the strength of the smooth muscles he has in there, the ones that pump out his semen. He was spurting with incredible power. I had an orgasm of my own, rubbing against his leg as I drank him down. Very intense. I have to say that probing deep inside him was worth it, even though my finger smelled gross when I pulled it back out. (No, kids, there was no cork popping sound and his anus didn't slam shut.) I put his bathrobe on and snuck across the hall to wash my hands so I could go back and feel comfortable with him in bed. Gross or not, I could tell it drove him up the wall, so I'll do it again one of these times, assuming we continue our physical explorations. (I don't want to stop anytime soon, but there's always a chance Rich might.) Mostly we used Rich's room because mine was too close to Mom's. The one time we used mine instead, Mom and Jody had gone out shopping for feast-food stuff. I was in my room napping so I didn't know Rich and I had the house to ourselves. (I was getting very big on naps -- having sex every night after lights out, then getting up early so no one will guess, does take a toll.) So there I was snoozing on top of my bed, wearing loose sweats and dreaming Rich was licking my stomach. I really liked the dream, especially when he moved downward toward my sexual regions. When I dreamed the velvet tongue was stroking my skin below the top of my pajama bottoms I put my hand down by reflex, and bolted up when it encountered someone's head! It was Rich, of course, trying to pay me back for one time when I snuck under his covers while he slept and took his soft penis into my mouth, just to wake him up and feel him grow hard there against my tongue. Yow! That episode has long been one of my favorite lascivious memories when I masturbate. But it's hard to pull off that stunt with a girl, especially since my sweats (not the p.j.'s of my dream) had no front opening for access. And of course there was nothing in there for him to fish out even if my pants did have an opening in front. Females are tidier that way than males. When I jolted upright Rich looked up with such a worried face that I had to giggle. It seems he thought I was awake all along because I had been murmuring his name while he licked his way down my tummy. Well, why wouldn't I? I certainly had zilch interest in anyone else at the moment. I told him he had gotten me very turned on in my dream, which was true, and I lifted my hips so he could pull my pants down and have his oral way with me. It was a wonderful way to wake up! After I climaxed against his tongue I pulled up my sweats and told him to get up and lean back against the door. When he did, I went over and kissed him (his face was glistening again, so I got another sample of my own juices), then I dropped down on my knees, undid his fly, and discovered I couldn't fish his hard cock out of his jeans without being unkind and bending it. So I yanked his pants down and took him into my mouth for the most lingering, most sensual oral sex I knew how to give. When he finally spurted, I pumped my mouth up and down on his cock, swallowing his output as fast as he gushed, while I scratched lightly under and behind his balls. I think his knees almost buckled. I love bending his reality that way. The only tiresome thing about my visit was the fear of discovery. We had to hide everything from Mom and Jody, not easy when you're busy falling in love. (It does seem that's what we were doing.) We took some silly chances. On T'giving day we were sitting together on the couch watching TV while Mom and Jody messed around in the kitchen right behind us. Since we both had loose sweats on, I reached inside Rich's pants to grope him, for no very good reason. To bother him I guess, or maybe just because I could. Anyway Rich reciprocated my mischief, and the combination of risk and Rich's growing expertise with my body brought me quickly to orgasm. My face must have been bright red from holding in the noises that normally escape me when Rich pulls my trigger. So I'm sitting there all red-faced, jerking my hips and clamping my thighs on his hand when Rich joins in, just pops right off in his pants against my hand. He got semen all over his shorts and had to run up to his room to change before anyone noticed the wetness or the smell. I couldn't help laughing. That was stupid, because my own hand was wet now with Rich's eruptions and I didn't dare run upstairs on his heels. I mean, I was sitting there reeking as strongly of semen as he would have been. I do like Rich's smell when he comes, it's part of his taste, but it's hard to miss the odor if you know what it is, and Mom would know for sure. Maybe Jody, too; at 13 she's getting cute in a swimsuit and I bet the boys have noticed. Jody did hear me laughing and came out to ask what was so funny; I told her it was the TV show. She looked at me weird so I checked, and it seems what Rich and I weren't watching was a news report on some gruesome fire someplace. Meanwhile I had my arms crossed so I could hide my wet hand in my armpit, which made my shirt wet, so just as Rich came back downstairs I was rushing up to change. If Jody or Mom noticed our change of clothes they said nothing, but it brought home to me how important privacy is in an incestuous relationship -- and how difficult to find. The sex we were having was so good I didn't really wonder about why we never seemed to screw in the normal manner. Finally, on Friday, before I left for college again, I asked and Rich told me he thought I might get pregnant and wasn't willing to risk it. The only condom he had was a permanent resident of his wallet, the way high school boys do; I think they like the ring shape it makes in the leather or something. Anyway, he didn't trust it. I told him I was on the pill now, so if he hadn't been doing any risky behaviors I would love to have plain old ungarnished sex with him. I really did want to feel him thrusting into me, feel him build to a climax and fill me with his semen. The thought gave me shivers and I told him so. The next day we borrowed Mom's car and took off for an overnight "visit to friends," went to a motel down the freeway a few miles and spent Saturday evening and most of Sunday morning in each other's arms. That's when we added "real" love -- coitus -- fucking -- to our repertoire. To my surprise, considering his inventiveness, it turned out to be Rich's first time; as I said before, he's on the shy side. It was glorious, utterly enthralling, and maybe I'll tell about it in another note. Or maybe not. Right now it feels like it might betray my darling brother in some way, so I won't. It's his milestone, not mine, and I ought not to steal it. I will say this -- I would give anything to take back the few unmemorable experiences I had in bed with other guys at college so Rich's first time could also have been my own. But at least I was able to be there for Rich and I would not trade that, not for the world. During our side trip to the motel, once we got comfortable "going all the way" with each other, we tried just about everything but anal sex. That, and bringing someone else to the party. As for anal sex, Rich never asked to put his cock into my butt and I didn't suggest it. Don't get me wrong, I would be willing to try it with him if he wanted. I will never turn down a sensual request from Rich, any more than he has ever turned me down. But I'm glad the subject didn't come up. Not that we ignored each other' s anuses (anii?), with all those sensitive nerve endings. Rich licked my anus sometimes ("Unnhhhhhhh...") when we were in a 69 position and I licked his too. Usually I did that as part of nibbling and licking the sensitive areas under his testicles and farther back. I discovered that going oral back there, including licking his anus, is a good way to keep him on the edge without actually triggering an orgasm. I can make him really build up pressure behind the dam when I want to draw things out, hee hee. But I will only do his anus when he smells sweet and clean there, like right after a shower. Well, I did try it once during a "let's wash each other" bath at the motel. It took some serious squirming around and didn't work very well. I'd fooled around with him until he got all excited and ready to pop but I didn't want to contend with his semen floating around in the bath water, so I had this bright idea to keep him at the edge orally for awhile (what power!), then make him buck after we dried off. Things don't always work as planned. Rich says he now keeps a picture in his mental photo album of my face rising up from under his crotch with a bubble bath beard while he struggles to keep his butt out of the water without flipping upside down and drowning. Now there's an image to make the lunch milk come out of your nose. For his part, Rich likes to put a finger into my butt when we're screwing; he says it's exciting to feel his cock through my tissues as he thrusts in and out of me. I'll admit the practice has a kind of "double your fun" feel that turns me on a lot -- especially when I have my legs hooked over his waist or just doubled up with my knees next to his sides. In that last position, whether I'm on top or underneath him, I always feel like I'm so stuffed with Rich that any more would make me pop. When I'm underneath I can feel his balls slap and move around against my butt when he plunges down into me. At such a moment if I'm close to exploding and he reaches down to stick in his finger ("Unnhhh...'), it's off I go to the rodeo. I'm glad he's careful to be gentle when he does that, though. It keeps it erotic, not painful. As for bringing in third parties or starting orgies with others, I'm just not interested and hope he isn't either. I only want to be with Rich. Once we got past our initial fears, we were -- well, I was -- able to accept our incestuous sex as something we both want to do with and for each other. I love Rich very much, more than I can find words to express. I know absolutely that Rich loves me back. I feel no shame around him. He can do whatever he wants with me sexually, and I will do whatever he asks. I only wish we didn't need to be so secretive, that we could share what we have someplace other than anonymously on the Internet. I think Rich and I have discovered something joyful that we can take with us into the future. I am very glad. I do believe we'll probably both end up with spouses and children, and probably we'll get less physical over the years. I hope we never completely stop. The experience has simply been too beautiful. My only reservations have to do with a remark someone made in one of the incest digests -- there's a big difference between loving and falling in love. I've loved Rich my whole life. He's been a terrific kid brother and we never fought much. But right now I am absolutely, deeply, and joyfully in love with him, sunk happily into some sort of forbidden delirium that those who have been there would no doubt recognize. I have a strong sense that Rich is in love with me too, though we haven't discussed it in those explicit terms. I suspect Rich is being careful not to lay claims on me, just as I am trying to do with him. We can't afford to "own" each other. If there weren't other important family members to consider I could see us moving somewhere far away to magically become "married" as far as outsiders were concerned. Someone in this newsgroup mentioned doing that with his mother! Rich and I look dissimilar enough (different complexions, for one thing) that we could probably pull it off. But we do have other important family. Also, I want to have kids of my own eventually, and I can't safely do that with Rich. Some people, especially those who launched into incest as children or early adolescents, seem to take it in stride as merely one more aspect of childhood exploration. But I'm way past that now with Rich. Most of all, I want to love Rich with all my heart, and if we let this get too intense or if we get much more obvious, I'm afraid things will become complicated. Someone immediately outside our little circle of two could get hurt. That fear kind of smudges the clarity of everything else I've been feeling. For now I guess I will just take it as it comes. I will enjoy Rich when I see him, love him as hard as I can, hope he loves me back for a long, long time, and let the future take care of itself. Now I'm going to turn off the computer, go to bed, take care of some personal needs while thinking about Rich, and go to sleep. I'm glad I could share all this somewhere while it is still so wonderful and new, even if it has to be anonymously. Jeannie.in.love *** I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...with whom (brother, mother, cousin, uncle) ...at what age ...who initiated the activity, and ...how you feel about it now Your confidentiality will not be compromised. Your story will only be used to continue these postings. If you would like to share your story, please send mail to RankAmateur@WriteMe.com. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 16 From: Kelly (male) I have had a great interest in adolescent sibling incest since I was about 13 because of both experiences below that happened to me. One of my best friends in jr. high school, (who was male and the same age) had sexual intercourse with his 17 year old sister on a regular basis. It started after she walked in on him masturbating once and continued until his older sister went off to college. This in spite of the fact that both were popular in school, both good- looking and had no shortage of dates, This was around 1975. They are both quite happily married with families today and neither seemed adversely affected. I know this case is true, because both our families were close, and the 3 of us were very good friends. Our families took vacations together and I spent a lot of weekends with them at sleepovers. After swearing me to secrecy, both he and his sister, confided in me that they were having sex. We even planned to have a tentative "3-fer" one weekend, but the right opportunity never presented itself. We could never get rid of a either set of our parents long enough, or I'm sure it would have taken place. Several years later around 1980 (when I was around 18) I walked into my best friend's house. It was one afternoon after school, and he and his 17 year-old sister were home alone. (Incidentally, I was dating his sister at this time). After calling out for them in the kitchen and getting no answer, I heard water running down the hall, and realized the shower was running. Upon listening, I heard their voices and giggling in low tones coming from the bathroom. It dawned on me that my best friend and his sister; who was my girlfriend at the time, were taking showers together. I slipped quietly back out into the kitchen for a few moments and continued listening. I then heard his sister start to quietly moan in what was obviously sexual pleasure of some kind. I left and came back later, never mentioning the incident. Oddly enough, even though she was my girlfriend at the time, the incident didn't make me jealous at all. Quite the contrary, I found it rather arousing. In a strange sort of way, I even felt safe in the fact that she was "cheating" on me with her brother, who I considered my best friend. As twisted as this sounds, I was actually happy for both of them that they had each other to do this with. I also knew it was mutual and consenting by both, and felt safe in the knowledge that her own brother would never do anything to hurt her. Once again both of these siblings are now married and have families and are very close. Neither has been adversely affected, insofar as I can see. {Just a footnote, I continued dating his sister for 9 months after this incident, but we broke-up when she left for college} Both of these events, which are 100% true, have aroused in me an insatiable curiosity about sibling sexual relations. Unfortunately, I am an only child, so I have no personal experiences with a sibling of my own to draw from. I, like yourself, believe that is one of the best kept secrets of siblings and occurs FAR more than anyone will admit because of its taboo nature. It's just the law of averages. I cannot help but think, that if I, as one person, have had experiences with 2 sets of siblings having sex, were neither set of sibling couples knows each other at all, in a small middle-class rural area of about 20,000; that this HAS to be much more of a common practice than anyone will admit. However, it is considered so perverse that almost no printed matter exists on the subject to try and research it. Believe me, I have tried. Tons of literature is available on parent-child incest but almost nothing exists on sibling incest. What does exist is all geared to parents for prevention of sibling sex in the adolescent years. There are no case studies, interviews of past sexual siblings, or any statistical figures to try to determine its magnitude. That is the type information I am interested in. That's why after running across your Newsgroup thread using a search engine, I was so delighted to see that someone else shares my interest and curiosity on this subject. If anyone has e-mailed you any true experiences on the subject, would you please consider e-mailing them to me or tell me where on the web or Usenet is a good source of information on this subject? Also if you know of any sources to research it in book form, would you be kind enough to please e-mail me that information also. And if anyone responding has expressed any interest in e-mail correspondence on the subject or possibly forming an IRC chat area, I would be interested in that also. Thank you for taking time to read this rather lengthy letter, and please feel free to add my two above contributions to your research. Hope to hear from you soon so I may finally get some answers to my 20 year curiosity on this subject as well. *** From: Jessica I was browsing through the incest newsgroup recently, and I saw the post you made, and I've decided that I'd send a note about my own incest experience with my older brother. I come from a pretty average family, with two girls and two boys. I have two older brothers and a younger sister. The brother I'm going to tell about is Nathan, the oldest. Being a middle child, I never felt I got enough attention, either good or bad, so I was always glad when Nate would pay attention to me, and we did a lot of things together. Not to mention that since he was a senior in high school, he was living the "glamorous life" and seemed so much older and wiser than I did, being only eleven and in sixth grade yet. One day we were goofing off, rolling around and wrestling, and he let me pin him down. When I was sitting on him, I felt something moving between his legs, getting hard against my crotch. He didn't seem to notice that anything was going on, but that was the first time I'd thought about that area on boys, and I felt some curiosity. Nothing happened that time, but the idea was in my head. As the weeks went by, I started to notice that Nate was touching me a lot, even when he didn't have to. One thing I always noticed was when he'd brush against my breasts. They'd just begun to grow, and the nipples were very sensitive, so it really grabbed my attention when he'd bump into them. Then came another occasion when we were wrestling around, only this time he pinned me. I could feel his crotch against mine, and I started to hump against him, it seemed so natural. That was when I learned that he'd noticed me noticing his cock the last time it had happened. He kind of half- closed his eyes and told me that it felt really good when I did that. It felt pretty good to me too, and when he put his hand between my legs and rubbed my pussy, that felt even better. That evening he snuck into my room and ate my pussy for the first time. I didn't even know what an orgasm was, and it took me completely by surprise. A good feeling in my crotch that just got better and better until it exploded. Who would have guessed? Nate wanted to go farther than that, but I wasn't sure, so I made him stop. I'm pretty sure he went back to his room and masturbated. Over the next couple evenings, Nate kept sneaking in and giving me orgasms with his mouth, and even though I was afraid our parents would catch us, I loved it. Eventually, Nate got me so hot and bothered that I agreed to let him take off his underwear and lie on top of me. He rubbed his hard penis up and down on my crotch, and surprised the hell out of me by ejaculating on my belly. We continued our "fun" for the next couple years, and even though we couldn't have sex as often once he moved out to college, we still got together when he was home. I had boyfriends in high school, but I never did anything sexual with them. Then a couple weeks after I turned sixteen, I let Nathan go all the way, and he took my virginity. He had a great time, until he realized that I wasn't enjoying it as much as he was. I hurt a lot and there was a lot of blood. Nathan was very sorry, and couldn't stop apologizing to me. I forgave him, but the next time he was home, I wasn't as eager to have sex with him. We had sex a couple times over the following years, but it wasn't really the same. I knew that it was irrational, but I kept remembering the pain of his first penetration, and I couldn't get into it as much. I still liked sex, but I was going farther with my boyfriend, letting him take Nathan's place I guess. Then Nate got a job on the west coast, and we started seeing him very infrequently. I still love my brother just as much as my other siblings, and I have good memories of our early years of sex. I don't think my relationship with him hurt me as far as affecting my ability to have relationships with men. It was just a chapter in my life that is ended now. I'm still aroused by the idea of incest, which is why I browse the newsgroups, and that's why it's kind of hard to understand what happened between us. Anyway, that's my incest experience. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do if Nathan wanted to have sex again, or if my other brother suggested it. *** From: Fran Yes I have had a relationship that was of the incest nature ... my daddy use to have me wear dresses without panties and when he no one was looking he would kiss my pussy never any intercourse... just oral... I would also perform oral sex on him. Now I am 36 and my husband is 61...and I am bisexual (he does not know that) But I also know that he has had sex with one of his daughters... got her pregnant and took her to have an abortion... he still denies it but I know it's true. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 17 From: Tom My first sexual experiences were with family members. I have no guilt over this, because I think it was normal experimentation. My earliest recollection is from when I was about 11 years old. My parents had a foot massager, which was a device that plugged into the wall and had two vibrating pads which you put your feet on. One day I opened my pants and tried rubbing my penis against it through my underwear. The sensations were very strong and I had my first orgasm. Later, I brought my younger brother down to the basement and showed him. (He is a year younger than me.) After I came, he tried it and came also. We masturbated together with the massager on a regular basis, and this led to other things. We began feeling and rubbing each other's erections before using the massager, and eventually engaged in mutual masturbation without the massager. We were always horny and looking for a chance to play with each other. This went on for about a year, and then one day I decided to try sucking him. I got between his legs and took his little dick between my lips. I moved my mouth around on it for a while. It was nice. He did it to me afterwards. I don't think either of us came that first time, but it was very sexy and enjoyable. Sucking pretty much took the place of masturbating after that. We would take turns sucking each other to orgasms at every opportunity. We often did it at night, since we shared a room. I think I began ejaculating when I was 12. He was sucking me one night, and I ejaculated in his mouth. He took my penis out right away. We were both fascinated by my cum. I tasted it by licking it off of his hand. He usually let me cum in his mouth after that. He didn't start ejaculating until a couple of years after that. This went on until I was almost 16, but during the last year or so our sex play tapered off greatly as we became more interested in girls. We haven't spoken of it since, and I consider us to both be heterosexual now, though I often fantasize about sucking a guy. I had one experience with my sister Wendy. I was 13 at the time, and she was 15. It was a weekend day during the winter, and my parents had gone to one of my brother's hockey games. My sister's friend Nancy had come over, and the two of them disappeared while I was playing video games. I found them in our attic, which had been fixed up as a den. Nancy had brought over an x-rated video tape, and they were watching it on the TV and VCR in the attic/den. I walked in and busted them, and told them I wanted to watch it too. I was thrilled by the tape. We challenged each other to show our privates, and so I took out my hard cock. They dropped their jeans. They felt my penis, and I dared them to suck me. Both girls refused at first, but then Nancy decided to do it. My sister watched her, and then she decided to try it too. It was very exciting. I felt Wendy's pussy, and got them to show me their breasts. Nancy encouraged me to lick my sister, so I did. When I stopped, Nancy tried it. We took turns licking her until she came. I was incredibly horny. I wanted to fuck one of them, but they both refused. I asked Wendy to lick Nancy, but she wouldn't. I ended up masturbating and cumming all over the floor while I felt Nancy's pussy. Wendy was very embarrassed about it afterwards. She swore to me that she had never had sex with a girl before, and made me promise never to tell anybody. (She wasn't aware of that our brother and I were fooling around, and I didn't tell her. In retrospect, maybe I should have.) We never touched each other after that day, but it has been a source of my fantasies ever since. *** From: Alicia Hi there, I read your post and thought it would be interesting for you to know that I have had sex with my nephew, my brother's son, almost every day in the two weeks that he stayed with me in the summer of 95. He was thirteen years old at the time and very curious about sex and stuff. I noticed that he watched me when I took a shower and I confronted him with that. My husband was away for a month and I was already quite horny, so it was definitely me who wooed him. I said that if he wanted to see me naked he should just say so and dropped my towel. I let him touch my breasts and then asked him to undress. I sucked his cock until he came and then made him lie down on his back. I fucked him until we both came. After the first time, this happened every day until he had to go home. I would start with kissing his dick and let him come once, to make sure that it would take him some time to come a second time, inside of me. When he was back home again my brother called me to say thanks and said that David, my nephew, was a different person since he had stayed with me. I told my husband what had happened and he did not mind. He said he wished he had had such an aunt when he was thirteen years old! Last summer my niece stayed with us, after David having had such a nice time the year before, my brother and his wife decided to let little Rachel stay with us. I will send you a letter which Rachel sent us last week, describing the wonderful things she found out with me and my husband last summer. Love, Alicia *** From: Henrik In my life there has been a experience with incest. To be honest I am very careful with writing to you because of safety reasons. The experience has been with my sister and it hasn't been a very pleasant one. I think that although we knew what was going on, we were not prepared for the consequences of our actions. This all happened about six years ago when my sister was 19 and I was 23 years old. After the one time experience we did not talk about it and left it like nothing happened. Naturally I thought a great deal about it after I got my daughter. There is now an opportunity with my sister to talk about the event and this gives me the possibility to tell her that I still love her very much and that what happened between us was not something that I see as wrong but rather something that we needed to do in order to learn and grow. Still I am fascinated by incest on the mother/son relation. This I can explain: When I was six months old I was adopted by Dutch parents who lived in the U.S.A. (Seattle). Right from the moment of birth I was taken from my biological mother so that I did not have any physical contact with her. This is something that till the day of today I miss. The protection and the welcome that I think any person needs to start his or her life has been something that no other woman and father could replace, although my adoptive parents, especially my mother, have tried to give it to me. I am convinced that this gap has played a big role in my sexual development in that I've been looking for love, understanding and protection in the time where I was the most vulnerable, my puberty. Still I realize that putting my interest in the right place, incest is rather a search for a protected place where I can let go of all myself made restrictions in order to stay healthy and in touch with myself. This of course in order to survive. I am very interested in talking more about this subject, to find out and maybe help other people to understand more of this taboo. A subject that hurts people instead of elevating its taboo so that feelings of love don't get twisted into a frustration that has a negative effect on all the parties concerned. To end this letter I would like to excuse for my English grammar. Though I'm Dutch I do my best to write as good as possible. [minor edits, spelling etc.] *** From: Karl The closest I have ever come to incest is having sex with my first cousin and I do not regret it. Usually we try to get alone every time she visits up here at my mother's. *** From: Nigel Hi - please do me a favor - pass on a 'thank-you' to Jeannie from my wife and I? We both enjoy her writing style. I understand what she means when she says she gets aroused writing her sexual memoirs. The same thing happens to me if I detail an incredibly erotic experience to someone. Anyway, about 20 years ago when I was about 25, I moved to England for several months. I was pretty lonely and ended up making love to my cousin a few times. I guess we both needed some physical companionship. There was certainly no love involved. Details are really sketchy - this was long long ago and many many lovers ago. I don't remember there being any 'incest' thoughts really. We hadn't seen each other since little kids so we were complete strangers. I think if something had sparked, we would have continued. It was probably the first time I ever used a condom. keep up the good work collecting and posting *** [spoiler: negative experience] From: Roger my experience with my brother -- he 14 or 15 -- me 9 or 10 he was punishing me for something or another and dragged me into our bedroom and stuck a knife in the door so I could not get out. He took me to the bed and told me to get undressed as he undressed himself. He then forced me to have oral sex with him and then he fucked me using shaving cream as lube. (to this day I cannot shave with canned cream). I remember when he came in my mouth I was freaked out - never seeing cum being - as it was referred to in my youth. I had no idea what this stuff all over my face was. of course I was told never to tell anyone...which I have not until now. It happened one more time a few years later - kind of fuzzy about the two times - but same thing. He was babysitting, he got angry and fucked little brother. I don't remember if he sucked my cock or not but, I think he did. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 18 Though incest is among society's strongest taboos, statistics show a lot of us have done it -- or are doing it. Whether as part of mutual exploration, seduction, or even abuse, incest creates enduring memories with emotional and erotic impact. This digest is one way of discussing and illuminating this subject. Plus, the stories are fun to share! If you have an incest experience you would like to share, please send it to: RankAmateur@writeme.com. Anonymity guaranteed. *** Jeannie & Her Younger Brother Part III: Rich's Point of View (mf, teen, cons, incest, true) by Rich NOTE FROM JEANNIE: I've posted two long notes to the incest digest about my relationship with my younger brother, Rich. I have no regrets about the great sex we've been having. No one ever made me feel so safe and I've never had my body just go into overdrive like it does -- like I do -- when I am being intimate with him. I guess I should mention that I'm 19 and in college; my brother Rich is 17 and still living at home, finishing high school. I do feel compassion for people with unhappy incest histories. Their stories seem to share elements of force, dishonesty, molestation, disrespect or betrayal of trust. These dark undertows are missing from my relationship with Rich and I know that is a blessing. My guess is, any kind of sex must be truly consensual to avoid damage to somebody. But I'm no expert. I just know my sensual unfolding with Rich has been a gift. This is a rounding-out to my story and then I will stop posting. For now. This third installment was inspired when Rich, to my surprise, visited me at my apartment this week, hundreds of miles from home. It seems when his school let out for the holidays he just jumped on the bus. During his visit I have lost any lingering doubts about our relationship. Rich loves me as much as I do him and wants to continue. That may change for either of us in the future, but for now we will just keep on exploring and enjoying each other. He is such a sweetie. Rich wrote the main body of what follows, on my computer, after I showed him my previous two notes. (I decided if I could share this material on the Internet, I'd better share it with him too.) It was his third morning here, Saturday, and he was sitting nude at my computer as he read, so I got to watch him go from soft to hard due solely to my words. I love watching my brother rise like that anytime, it's wonderfully sexy; but knowing I had done it to him just by writing down my memories... It was entertaining, too. Once he got hard, he'd reach down to kind of stroke or pull or squeeze at himself every now and then while he read. I don't know if he was aware of it and I didn't want to embarrass him, so I didn't ask. I just watched and smiled while I finished my coffee. In these notes I have tried to show how sensual my experiences with Rich have been for me, and now here was Rich's cock all popped up and waving around in his lap, pulling his hand down like a magnet and telling the world that m y words had exactly the effect I wanted! I really enjoy making my kid brother horny. It's fun and the rewards tend to be terrific soon after. For instance, this morning I found out that if Rich slouches down on my computer chair I can straddle him front-to- front, lower myself down and take him all the way up inside of me. Well, it was a 2 inches down, half-inch up sort of progress to adjust our tissues as we merged, but that was fun too. So there I sat on his lap, glued up against him while he finished reading. It was intense, unhurried and sensual, a treat. I closed my eyes to feel myself against (and around) him and did a lot of sighing when he stirred inside me. I even tried something a friend told me about, squeezing my insides against his cock without otherwise moving. He like it and it reminded my "body awareness" of his presence inside me, and kept me wet even when neither of us had moved for awhile. After Rich finished reading we traded energies in intimate ways, still sitting at the computer. (Mmmmmm; nice; I hope we'll do it there again sometime.) Then he wrote what follows. Rich always makes me feel very good about myself. You'll see why. I'm not nearly as beautiful as he claims but it's his journal and if he wants to rhapsodize about me, I guess I can take it! Anyway my brother's starlit view of me makes it great to have him around and hasn't hurt the terrific sex we keep having either. This intro is long enough so I'll just paste Rich's note in and send it on to RankAmateur@writeme.com for the incest digest, if Rank even wants another one from me! Well, it's really from Rich. My only suggestion was to run a spell-checker. If you read my previous notes, you'll see what Rich means by different points of view. Some of the differences in what we remembered made me laugh. I think I will let him peek down my shirt whenever he wants, the rat. - "J." (still smiling) Some people might think Jeannie and I are sick or crazy but I don't care. I'm writing this because Jeannie showed me her Internet notes and asked if I wanted to write my point of view. I guess Jeannie needs to work stuff out in writing, that's why she's taking journalism maybe. She's a good writer so I guess she thinks she can read her notes when she is 80 and remember how it is between us now. I would like it to still be the same but even if it is not I do not think I will need a note to remember. She surprised me how she wrote about everything even how she first did me when I was 15, I felt weird about it but then I thought, she must really trust me, and then I thought, it's under false names so I guess it's okay. Then I settled down and realized it was turning me on a lot to read her memories, they are pretty close to mine but not exactly the same, I guess that's why people have a different point of view from each other. I never knew I was all that good to be worth writing about with words like those. Maybe I should have a harem if Jeannie ever gets tired of me! She wants me to write how I feel so I will. I love Jeannie. Period. That part is simple. I want to be with her and make her happy which is tough since we are related. That part is complicated. That is how I feel, maybe it will change when I get older but I won't worry about that yet. She says I should write more so I will but don't expect good writing like hers. I can add some things she didn't say plus I know things that she doesn't such as that she is a fox and such as I can love her without being damaged even if she drops me to move on with her life later, 17 is plenty old enough to know those things and she's only 19 herself. Here's how I got to read her notes. After we had sex at home and Jeannie left back for college I couldn't get her out of my mind. Maybe she's my sister but I wish she wasn't, I would be able to love her and we wouldn't have to sneak around. I know she loves me but I think she is scared of what we are doing so I try to be careful and never pushy since I am already lucky enough. When you love someone that is doing something risky with you is no time to get careless with that person. But this isn't some stupid grammar school deal, we lived our whole lives together and didn't rush into this even if it did start by accident. Jeannie said we could love each other's bodies as long as I wanted or felt comfortable with it (her words). As if I might want to stop. But when she left I felt like was it real? I'm just her kid brother, I could see some jock coming along and Jeannie going for him and realizing something like, it was just a fling and I don't know what I'm doing and how can she go out in public with me. Then she would try to end it without hurting my feelings, I'm no coward but that was not fun to think. Or maybe Jeannie would feel bad about seducing me in the first place since she already said she was afraid of hurting my emotions. Then she might decide to do something for my own good that would prove I am just a dumb kid brother and what we did never really meant anything, I didn't say that too well anyway I did not feel certain of much. Personally I don't think love can hurt anyone unless somebody takes unfair advantage which is not like Jeannie to do, or lays their own ideas on others even though it is none of their business which I think is how things usually work since the world is full of jerks. They are why we hide and who can do that forever?, a girl like Jeannie deserves better, in her place I would not pick me. Now I know Jeannie does want to love me for as long as we can manage but when she left I had doubts and was bothered. When my school let out before hers I told Mom I wanted to see her college, I might try to go there if it had good engineering classes. Of course I don't get all A's like Jeannie. She got a scholarship but I probably can't and Mom raised us up on her own by being a copy editor, Dad never helped much until lately. He stopped drinking now and Mom says he has a good job, maybe he can help with college after I graduate next year. Anyway Mom said go ahead and see the school so I took the Greyhound bus down here. I got in late and didn't tell Jeannie I was coming, I was afraid she would say not to. So I called when I got to town and she asked what I was doing, I told her I came to see the school and where could I get a room? in case she didn't want me to come over. She laughed at me and said to come to her place, she has her own apartment off the campus. She told me how to get there so I walked over, it was pretty close. Jeannie answered the door right away and grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, then she laughed and hugged me hard and I hugged her back and we kissed and I was glad I came. She told me I was crazy and I said what's new, she said she was really glad to hear my voice on the phone, I asked why and she said she really needed some hugs from me so I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her back and she hugged me and kind of moved softly against me and sighed and made me feel good. After that she locked the door and said she already called Mom to say I got there okay and would sleep over on the couch. She smiled kind of sideways when she told me that so I figured out she didn't have any second thoughts about us yet. While she moved around the apartment I just watched her, I think I was grinning kind of goofy, well anyone might have in my place. Jeannie was wearing sort of a long thin T-shirt that came about halfway down her thighs and had a picture of a kitten on it. I could tell she didn't have anything else on at least not on top because I could see her nipples poking out against the cloth, one of them poked the kitten in the eye. I love Jeannie's breasts and nipples. I want to set something straight. Jeannie says in her notes that she isn't beautiful and she told me that same thing but she's wrong. Her beauty is not in the eye of the beholder like she said, it's in her for real. She thinks she is just thin but most thin girls have flat chests and skinny legs and Jeannie's breasts are beautiful, not huge but not flat either and her legs are perfect for her height which isn't all that tall. There is a little triangle space between her thighs right under her crotch, you can see through it when she stands up which looks way hot. Her breasts are soft to hold and stroke, they fit my hand perfect and they don't fold over when she stands. Her nipples are perfect sized, not tiny but not splashed all over like a sloppy paint job either, just the right size for her breasts. When she stands her nipples kind of point up and outward a little, you might have seen statues or pictures like that. They don't bulge into each other, so you can look up between them at her face if you are lying down together and rest your cheek on her stomach. If she is on her hands and knees naked which I am lucky enough to see from time to time her breasts keep a beautiful shape, they don't dangle down like udders or marble bags or something. Jeannie's breasts always make you want to stroke them with love. I have memorized Jeannie's breasts so I can see them even when she is not here. Jeannie knows I take pictures in my mind and seeing her smile at me when I rest my cheek on her stomach and look up between her breasts is one of my favorites. I love how all of her looks naked. She has a really long straight back with a beautiful arch down to her behind which fills out a swimsuit perfect, not too big but still plenty round. Her legs are strong not bony and they don't have fat dimples. Her hips are not wide but her waist is small so her hips swell out just right without making her body look like a broomstick stuck on top of an oil drum, I told you Jeannie was the writer not me. But that's not all. She always looks like she has a tan because we have some Indian blood on Mom's side, it makes her skin really pretty. I have lighter skin from the Irish on Dad's side which Jeannie says she likes okay but hers is really great looking. When she walks around at the pool in that body and that skin wearing a bikini you can see all these guys and lots of girls turn their heads to look but Jeannie doesn't even seem aware. She says guys have heads that were designed to swivel and girls always compare themselves to other girls and none of it means anything. She just thinks she is too thin no matter what I say otherwise. Her face is beautiful too, she has green eyes from the Irish side and a small nose and almost perfect teeth but one of her eyeteeth is not quite in line so when she smiles it's like just that little bit off from perfect that makes you know she is real. When she smiles you want to be with her so other people will notice and wish they were you. Her hair looks like she has been out in the sun a lot even in the winter time. Jeannie is a fox who never noticed because she was too busy with school. Any of my friends will tell you what a fox she is even if she called them swivel-headed idiots once. She says a boyfriend told her she looks like a pixie but she looks more like an elf to me with her big green eyes and slim bikini body and that smile. She's perfect. Of course I love her but like I said ask anyone. She could be in a magazine. Another thing and when Jeannie reads this I hope she will laugh. That first time when she took care of my overload by giving me a hand job (and it was a great one) I told her I got hard because her washing my stomach felt so good and it did feel terrific but the truth is, I did not have my eyes closed like she thought. I just had my eyelids mostly lowered to seem closed so I could peek down her shirt when she bent over, she wasn't wearing a bra so I had a perfect view and could see her nipples and everything. I had a woody ever since she leaned over to put a pillow behind my head so I could eat some toast and there they were, Jeannie's beautiful boobs about six inches in front of my eyes. She says I was smiling I bet I was. When she washed me she was moving around a lot but still leaning over so I got different views, it was hot. She says it wasn't sexual but tell it to my woody. When she pulled down the blanket to change the bedding and looked up it took me awhile to realize she was staring at my hard-on and then I really wished I could disappear. Then she got all tender and told me it was okay to be a male and one thing led to another and then I didn't want to admit I had just been sneaking horny looks down her shirt. I was afraid she would get mad. So that's what really happened. Her note seems like I was very sure of myself saying "Let's go to my room" after we kissed. The truth is I didn't want her to change her mind. She was a little shaky at first I guess they call it trembling and then we kissed and then we were just standing there pressed up against each other all calm like and moving softly against each other and she stopped being twitchy and me, I couldn't believe this was real. It was a wish coming true that I had wished for years. And then somebody drove by in a car outside and Jeannie got all tense again, jumpy like, and I could feel my wish fading out. She doesn't mention the car in her note. I asked her to come to my room because I didn't want her to run away and I thought maybe we could be more relaxed there. Even after we got upstairs it still didn't seem real until I started undoing her shirt buttons and she put her hands on my waist while we kissed and then looked up at my face while I undid more buttons. She was biting her lip and smiling at the same time like her face was having a fight with itself, she looked like she wanted to stay but run away. Her note says that's when I figured out she didn't have a bra on but I already knew that from downstairs when we hugged and I stroked her back and soaked up everything into my mind about her that I could, like that she smelled good and felt soft against me and didn't have a bra on and so forth. I should tell this. When she asked me in the living room to hug her so she could talk I thought maybe somebody had hurt her and I would have to get vengeful which is not something I usually do. Or she would tell me somebody found out what we did. I don't know, it just felt like it would be bad is all. Then she said she wanted to make love but she seemed like scared of me which I didn't understand so I kissed her and stroked her long back. When I felt her softness moving against me is when I hoped it could really be true. What happened upstairs that she noticed when I looked down from our kiss and saw her shirt almost open and felt her hands resting on my waist was, I finally got it that she really wanted to not stop until we were finished. When I ran my finger down her front I was just, you know, touching her. It was amazing to me that I would not wake up wet and sticky and alone like sometimes when I dream about Jeannie and wake up spouting jizm all over the bed, if that is how you spell it. I hope she doesn't mind that I h ad hot dreams about her since I was 13 or so, we have done some amazing things together in my dreams and I saw her in my mind with various Penthouse models crotches since I didn't know what hers was like until she showed me when I was 15. Hers is beautiful like the rest of Jeannie. I'm glad Jeannie likes my cock. I used to worry about what some Comedy Central guy called the only two important questions, "Is it big enough and where can I put it", but now the only person who matters says she likes it so I can stop worrying. After Jeannie let me explore and taste her body and then she did me back it was just like she said and I will not ever forget, I shot into her throat so hard it hurt. Often she swallows me completely by just letting me into her throat, what they call deep throat. I think she does not know it is considered unusual and hard for a girl to do that. I usually come right away at those times and the feeling of her tongue against me when she swallows is impossible to write down in words. I wish I could do something that amazing for her but she seems happy with me so I won't complain to the student newspaper. Another thing, when I tasted her body and heard her little Jeannie noises for the very first time, and she did me back, she sort of wriggled herself back up my body just like her note said and dozed off with her head on my chest. What she didn't know was she slept for over an hour and I just held her and felt blessed. That might sound wrong considering what we had been doing but I still felt blessed and holy. She had her right hand on the left side of my chest and her hair spread out down my right side to t he bed. Her left leg was stretched out straight so she touched me all the way down my right side to my calf. She had her right knee drawn up onto my stomach, by looking over her head I could see a little fold of skin where her leg bent up from her body. I felt her breath against my chest, it was soft and even. I could see where her hip made that soft, beautiful curve up from her waist. In front, her pubic hair looked dark against my skin, I could just see where the triangle of it started under where her leg bent up onto me. Her stomach moved gently against me with her breathing. I felt her breasts against me, one against my upper stomach the other pressed against my side, the upper one moved against my skin when she snuggled against me or moved in her sleep every now and then. All this is a photograph in my mind. I could have just laid there all night holding her beautiful sleeping naked self against me but Mom and Jody got home so we had to scurry. I wish we didn't have to hide. Jeannie said in her note that she put her pants and shirt back on, that's exactly what she did. She left her panties at the foot of my bed and later I put them into my closet. Sometimes at home after she left if I needed to jack off I took them down to feel them and smell them where they had been wet from her juices. It sounds weird but in a way it was like having Jeannie actually there when I miss her which is often. Jeannie's completely right about one thing, that time in the motel at the end of her vacation was the first time I "went all the way" as she put it with anyone. Every one of my sex first times except for jacking off has been with Jeannie and I only discovered jacking off by accident when I was 12. Not that I didn't brag at school but I never really had any luck or maybe I didn't want any to tell the truth. One girl gave me a few hand jobs on dates when I was 16 but she was boring and tried to own me which I discovered I couldn't stand, she needed to go buy a brain at the brain mall. I have only ever told how much I love Jeannie here. Except to her of course. Jeannie said (her words in her note) that being my first woman was glorious and enthralling. I'm sure. Here's glorious me, I was so nervous I went soft and couldn't put it into her. We were on our sides facing each other and she had put her knees around the outside of my legs and was looking across the pillow at me with her eyes half closed and I just lost it which made me confused but Jeannie reached down to hold my cock and whispered stuff like "it's okay Rich" and "just be here with me" and I got hard again. She said maybe I should try being on top and she rolled over on her back with her legs apart and her knees up a little so I could lie down on her. I went over between her legs on my knees and started to lower myself onto her but then I bent a little more and kissed her on her clitoris because I love the little sounds she makes when I do something right and I needed to do something right for a change and she made that little noise I love so I did it some more. Then I moved up and kissed her nipple and I was going to try to start screwing but then I blew it again, I just couldn't do it right. My mistake this time was I read somewhere that a gentleman puts his weight on his elbows so I tried that but it didn't work because she wanted to reach between us to put my cock at the entrance to her and my arms were in the way. She said she wanted to feel all my weight on top of her so she could touch me with all of her skin that she could or something like that. What a relief. Then she was able to reach down and grab me and point me to the right place. Her guiding me with her hand like that felt great. When I pushed down at her she wrapped her arms around my back and hooked her heels over my legs by my knees and pushed back up at me. When I got all the way down inside of her maybe it was the warm, wet, tight, slick feeling of having Jeannie all around my cock (and she WANTED me there) or the little Jeannie noise she made when I got to the bottom so we touched all along our bodies, or the feeling of my balls resting against her, below where I went in. (She doesn't like the word cunt so I won't say it either.) Or maybe I was just scared, my heart sure was going fast. Anyway I got about two strokes done and lost it all in one long dribble. It was the second time I wished I could go hide somewhere instead of facing her. I'm telling about this so you'll know what kind of girl Jeannie is, she pretended it was wonderful and she didn't laugh once. After I fizzled out she held my glorious self on top of her for awhile, I felt her pushing down on my butt with her legs. Then she hooked her heels over the insides of my thighs and held me like that while she rocked me back and forth, just kind of moving against me softly for awhile. I don't know if she had an orgasm but if it was me I wouldn't have. She said to stay inside of her even though I was fizzled out so I did and kept busy kissing and licking at her neck and shoulder and she kissed me back in the same places. Finally she put her legs back down and kissed my shoulder and my stupid pee hose fell back out of her so I lifted myself off and lay down beside her and didn't feel too proud. When I looked over at her she looked back and smiled. I put my hand on her breast and told her I was sorry. She put her hand over mine and said it was exactly right for being my first time with her, she said if I hadn't been too excited to last very long she would have thought something was wrong with her. She was just looking at me and smiling and kind of playing with my ear. Then she said "This was your first time ever wasn't it" so I admitted it was. She rolled up on her side facing me and hugged me real hard, I felt her whole body pressing against me and her legs were kind of tangled up with mine and I held her hard too and tried to make it like we were not two separate people. Jeannie's back sort of shook and I was afraid she was laughing then I felt a drop roll down my chest from where she had her face pressed against me. I said "Jeannie?" and she looked up at me and I saw her eyes had some tears, she said "I just love you so much" and went back to hugging me. It made me feel, you know, okay. Even if I wasn't much good at sex. The time I like to pretend was my first time was really my second, about an hour after. We talked a lot once she stopped sniffling and hugging me so hard, I don't remember about what but it was relaxing. She asked what I wanted to do, like maybe we should go watch TV or something. I told her I liked whatever we did but most of all I wanted to try again to see her across the pillow while I was inside of her, like we almost did before, on our sides before I flunked my first test so to speak. I told her she was beautiful and I wanted to just love her and take a picture of her looking back at me while I felt her all around me, she knows I take pictures in my mind. She moved toward me and before I knew it we were kissing again. She says she likes how I kiss. Actually I just like to taste her and feel her against me and by kissing I can concentrate on that. Not like when I'm building up to come or trying to make Jeannie feel magic herself. Kissing let's you just concentrate and feel each other like the other person takes up your whole entire space instead of only the high voltage parts. I love the feeling of that with Jeannie. Anyway we were kissing and I started getting hard again, so I told her to roll over on her stomach and she did. I got up and kneeled over her straddling her thighs so my cock was lying along the crack of her butt, and I leaned forward and started massaging her shoulders and back. She kind of wiggled her butt against me so I leaned all the way forward and pressed my front against her long back for a minute and then started kissing my way down. When I couldn't double over any more I went back to rubbing and massaging her and moved down a little so I could massage her butt. I love the way it looks and feels when I put the side of my hand into the crack there so I can massage one side, then I do the other side, and she arches up at me and I can see her little butt hole and her sexual parts moving around as I squeeze and massage her rear end. She's built kind of complicated in her sexual parts and I don't think I will ever get tired of exploring and looking at her. Anyway I was getting loaded up again and needing relief and Jeannie said she was ready too. I lay down next to her on my side and she rolled up on her side facing me and smiled and she lifted her left knee over my hip. I reached down between her legs and could feel she was wet down there and as my finger went in she made that little sound of hers. I lifted my hip off the bed and she slid her other knee under me, so now I was lying between her legs and we still hadn't touched our fronts together. I don't know if this is a normal procedure. Anyway I had one finger inside of her from the front and she reached down to grab my cock and moved it toward where my finger was so I took it back out of her secret place and moved my hand up to her breast to play with her nipple. She sighed real deep and moved her hips toward me and I felt myself start to go inside of her so I moved my own hips forward to meet her and glanced down between us. I saw myself going up inside her, right between her legs which I had never seen before with anyone and I had to shut my eyes for a minute to calm down. When I opened them I could look between us without going back to dribble city and it was magic to see, I could see her breasts, one was against the bed and the other was above it almost resting against the first but still separated and I had my hand against it. My crotch was pressed right up against hers and I could feel sweet hot slippery Jeannie all around it so I pulled back out most of the way and saw I was all slick with her. I looked back up her body as I pushed myself back in slowly and when I got to her face she was watching me with her eyes half closed again and biting her lip which sometimes means she is nervous so I told she is beautiful and I love her. You know I meant it. Jeannie does not bore me and she can own me if she wants but she does not seem to want to, but if any part of me is worth anything at all then that part belongs to her if she wants it. Anyway what was great was that I could watch my cock going inside of her and feel that hot slippery feeling all around me and this time I didn't lose everything. We stroked against each other slowly for a time and I moved my hand down her back, then along her side so I could feel the swell of her hip which I love, then around in back to feel where her leg bent up from her body. By reaching behind and pressing against the side of her crotch just inside of her legs I could feel myself slipping in and out of her and feel the motions she made with her own hips to meet my slow rhythm. I lay my hand down along her butt with my middle finger along the crack and sort of rubbed in little circles at her anus (I am trying to use the same words she uses) and she made her Jeannie sound and then kind of whimpered and I knew I was about to lose it so I started stroking harder as I felt my climax build. When it hit I pressed my hand against her behind as hard as I could so I could go all the way up into her, like I was trying to disappear inside of her or something, and then I exploded. She was making her noises and saying my name and as I poured myself into her I just kept saying "I love you Jeannie oh Jeannie I love you so much Jeannie" and so forth. When it was over we still kept rocking against each other for awhile, then she reached behind me with her arms and pulled me tight against her and we just held onto each other like that for a long time, pressed together while laying on our sides. It felt like when she went to sleep resting her cheek on my chest at Thanksgiving and I could have stayed like that all night, only this time I was inside of her and we didn't have to worry about Mom and Jody. It was peaceful and I felt blessed again. There. That's my first and second times and they were both with Jeannie and I am very glad they were with no one else. It might have been nice if I had also been Jeannie's first but actually I'm glad she knew more than I did or I might have jumped out the window when I was done being so glorious and enthralling the first time. Now I'm sitting here writing. When I first got here, after Jeannie locked the door, she offered me hot cocoa or a beer if I wanted one and I told her I just wanted to hold her. We kissed again and she started unbuttoning my shirt which I dropped on the floor, then she unbuttoned my pants. Meantime I put my hands down along her sides and around to her beautiful butt and squeezed it through her kitten T-shirt, then pulled the shirt up to feel her butt directly. She had panties on so I got to do one of my favorite things, I put my hands down inside her panties on her wonderful firm round behind and massaged and squeezed and stroked, then reached down further to lay my finger along her sexual parts. She is always wet down there by the time I get there and she arches her back so I can put my finger inside her which is what happened this time too. By this time she had her hand on my cock and was squeezing. I took my finger out of her center (as she calls it) and lifted her up by her butt and she wrapped her legs around me while I carried her to her bed in the other room. Then we finished getting undressed and I tasted her body from top to bottom and front to back and heard her make her little sounds and call out my name and felt her raise her middle up from the bed toward me as I worked on her with my tongue and hands. I am gradually learning her body's little secret places that bring magic to her. These are wonderful secrets to know. Then she did the same for me and I exploded into her mouth and then we went to sleep without cocoa or beer or anything but each other. We woke up once about 4 in the morning and I had a sleep hard-on so she pulled me over to her while we were half asleep, lying on our sides again which I think is my favorite position so far, not that we have tried that many. I sank my cock inside her as she pushed her hips forward to meet me and we had a long slow peaceful screw, then we went back to sleep in each other's arms and it felt fine. The next morning she made breakfast and got dressed and went to her classes. I washed the dishes and just kind of day dreamed about her until she got back. Then we went out walking around the town and she showed me places and we had hamburgers and walked through the campus and went home and I cooked spaghetti and we made love a couple of times and talked for hours and finally went to sleep again. This is the kind of day I could enjoy all the time. I could make my life out of days like this. This morning with the curtains closed we had coffee together naked and she told me about her Internet notes and asked if I wanted to read them. I said yes, so she turned on her computer and told me to sit and read the notes which she put on the screen. I did and it blew me away. I found out that what happened back when I was tied up in bed with pulleys and ropes after my wreck was as important to her as it was to me. Then I read about our Thanksgiving reunion which seemed in her note like it was all about s ex but was really about a lot more if you ask me. I'll admit that when I told her I always dreamed about her I meant I day dreamed about her a lot which didn't help my grades and also that she was usually right there in my mind naked with me when I jacked off. I already told about waking up goopy from dreaming about her so I didn't exactly lie to her about the dreams. I just didn't want to seem freaky by being crude so I said dreaming and left it like that. Now it turns out she thought about me when she masturbated too. I never would have thought of that, it made me feel good. I wonder if girls have wet dreams like boys. Girl versions I mean. I probably didn't pay attention in sex ed. Anyhow when I read her sex notes I naturally got this screaming woody. It was great because she came over and sat down on my lap, facing me with one leg on either side and my cock up inside her. I started to try to hump up at her but she said "Shhhh" and then told me to settle down and keep reading, then she kind of pressed up against me and did not move around much while I read but sometimes I could feel her taking a deep breath. Then she started squeezing my cock with her vagina which is quite a feeling, I heard about that before but I figured it was just a story. Jeannie does a lot of stuff that most girls probably don't know how to do, she just seems to know how naturally, which is not something I will complain about. If she didn't enjoy it so much or hadn't decided to love me I would not be this happy. A lot of what we did over Thanksgiving sounds kind of dirty the way she told it but just felt loving and tender at the time, of course it was also way hot. Jeannie says she just wants to write down everything accurately like a journalist and if reading it gets me all excited then she did a good job of telling how it was since we were both awfully excited while it happened. She says she wants to never forget how intense it was. "We were breathing steam" is what she said about it being intense. I like the way she talks and writes. Right after I finished reading her notes while she was still hugged up to me on the chair I asked if what we were doing was wrong. She said she didn't know and what did I think. I told her I didn't want it to be wrong, it felt so natural I wanted it to last forever. I said I wished I could find out I was adopted so we wouldn't have to worry about it. She laughed and wriggled up against me to hug tighter which moved her against me where I was inside her, so I moved around against her in response and one thin g led to another. I like screwing in different positions because it lets me experience Jeannie in different ways. Sitting on me in the chair her face was even with mine and I could photograph her in my mind as we built up to trade our energies, as Jeannie puts it. She has a lot of cool ways to describe coming. Or cumming but Jeannie doesn't spell it that way. I think she will need a stronger computer chair because I almost broke it by leaning as far back as I could to photograph her in my mind while I played with her breasts and we moved against each other and built up our energies. When Jeannie comes her face gets all inward and she kind of curls one side of her mouth out, her lips I mean, and she moves her head down and to the side while she takes little raggedy breaths and makes her Jeannie noises. Sometimes she says my name which I like a lot. Sometimes I call out her name too. She said I should write this from my own viewpoint so I did. I am very lucky and I feel sorry for other people who do not have Jeannie to make them as happy as I am. - By Jeannie's Brother Rich - NEXT DAY This is Sunday morning and since Jeannie didn't send this out yet I read her introduction and now I feel like adding some more, skip the rest of this if you like. This morning I did the dishes from last night while she snoozed in the other room. When I finished I went in to watch her sleep for awhile and she opened her eyes and saw me and smiled then she went back to sleep still smiling and I took a picture for my mind. She had one leg bent up so she was half on her side and half on her stomach and her hair was all tousled on the pillow. Her arm and her naked shoulder were outside the covers, we generally wind up sleeping naked for one reason or another but usually for one reason in particular. Jeannie sleeping all tousled and naked and peaceful under the covers is a good picture. Last night about 4 in the morning I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee. Jeannie seemed to be asleep when I got back so I settled in and dozed off. The next thing I knew she woke me up by getting me to grow hard inside her mouth. That's an unbelievable feeling to wake up to. She did it once before, after my bicycle accident. I let her play with me like that until my energy started to build, then I twisted us around so I could taste her too. When I let loose in her mouth and felt her tongue against me swallowing I sucked at her little nubbin and stroked it with my tongue and stuck a finger into her vagina and another into her butt because I can tell she likes it. She was making Jeannie noises and then her legs tightened against my head and she hunched her center toward me and had an orgasm just as I was finishing mine, I tried to help her draw it out as long as I could, she can come for lots longer than me sometimes. Then she smiled up at me and we turned around and pulled up the blanket and she cuddled up against me with her head on my chest like she did that first time at Thanksgiving, then she closed her eyes and went right back to sleep. I lay there holding her in my arms all naked and peaceful and I felt joyful and lucky. I didn't want to go back to sleep but then after awhile I did. Tomorrow I will go home because Jeannie has some tests to study for but she'll be back for Xmas a few days after. I can't get enough of being with her and holding her and playing with her body and making love and talking with her and taking walks holding hands (she introduced me to a friend as Rich today not "my brother Rich") and falling asleep together and waking up together to do it all some more. I hope I can come to this college next year. Maybe it would seem okay for a brother and sister to share an apartment if she wants to. Maybe we can pretend we're not related. Or maybe she'll want to stop, which would make me sad but now I could handle it better than before I came down here and found out it is just as real for her as it is for me. I love Jeannie. Every bit of me, I love Jeannie and will love her for as long as she lets me, then I will love her as a brother if that's all I can do. But I will never stop loving her one way or another. There's nothing wrong with incest if you love and respect each other. That's how I feel about it. - By Rich - *** FROM THE EDITOR I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...with whom (brother, mother, cousin, uncle) ...at what age ...who initiated the activity, and ...how you feel about it now Your confidentiality will not be compromised. Your story will only be used to continue these postings. If you would like to share your story, please send mail to RankAmateur@writeme.com. NOTE: From now on I will make the even issues of the digest one long contribution, and odd issues will be compilations as before. As long as I keep getting lengthy contributions, of course! *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 19 Ed. note: This issue contains a couple of borderline fantasies (q.v. Freud and Nancy Friday: the most fervently desired events, perhaps even with a germ of truth, become seared in our minds as real as if they truly occurred). While my interest is more in experiences than fantasy, I include these for two reasons: I don't like to judge my contributors, and they are interesting in their own right as different explorations of the incest theme. *** From: Jack My relationship with my sister began one Summer night shortly after her 17th birthday; I was 14 and in the throes of puberty. She was a fairly well-developed young woman who had just broken up with her steady boyfriend. Our relationship had never been close, and was particularly bad this week. She had caught me sniffing a pair of her panties I'd retrieved from the hamper - I'd wanted to know what a female smelled like "there" - and needed something to fuel a masturbatory fantasy. She'd asked me what I was doing. I mumbled something apologetic amidst her threats of telling our parents. I assumed she wouldn't follow through, as she rarely did. Plus I thought I detected a gleam of fascination with me holding her panties to my face. She was in a particularly bad mood that weekend, as our parents were away for a business trip, and she was assigned to stay at home for the weekend and "babysit" me. She made no secret of how disgusted she was at being "grounded," and fully blamed my presence on earth for her troubles. I was staying well clear of here, watching television in the family room while she played some music in our parent's bar, or entertainment area. When she came into the family room, I thought I detected an odor of wine on her breath, as she had a fondness for wine coolers. She'd bathed earlier, and was wearing a thin cotton robe over some sort of "baby doll" pajama outfit. Her shapely, tanned legs had always fascinated me, and I tried to ignore their attractiveness now. She sat across from me on the couch, stretching those long, shapely legs out on front of her. Her pretty face was flushed from the wine, contrasting nicely with her sun-bleached hair. "What were you doing with my panties the other day?" she asked, her words slurring slightly from the wine. I mumbled something incoherent, hoping she'd drop the subject, as it really embarrassed me. She kept after it however, and I finally had to admit my desire. "I wanted to see what a girl smelled like down there," I confessed. This seemed to please her, as a smile crept over her face. "Why didn't you just ask?" Her question surprised me, as she had always tried to deny my existence. I told the truth. "I didn't think you'd let me, if you knew I wondered." "Did you find out what you wanted to know?" came her teasing reply. "No, you came in before I could find out." Emboldened, I added, "Besides, I'd tried it before, but I guess they were in the hamper too long." "Why don't you try a fresh pair, then?" she asked, a mischievous grin spreading cross her pretty, tanned face. I could only gulp out an intelligible reply...figuring the wine had the best of her. "Do you want to smell the pair I'm wearing now?" As she asked me, she stood up, and placing her hands under her robe, dropped her pair of panties to the floor. My eyes fastened on them, mesmerized. I was afraid to move, not wanting to break the mood, also realizing that I had a boner under my own pajamas. She hooked them with the toes of her foot, and kicked them across the room to me. I caught a fleeting glance of her pubic hair as she kicked them to me, and felt my hardness stiffen even more. "Go ahead, see what it smells like," she commanded. Picking them up, I could feel her dampness on the silky crotch of her underpants. Unable to resist, I raised them to my face, inhaling the fantastic flavor. I wanted them to stay on my nose forever. "Like it?" Her question interrupted my reverie. I could only nod and grunt, not trusting my own voice or emotions. Her next question totally floored me. "Want to smell the real thing?" She'd remained standing opposite me, her hands on her hips in a challenging pose. I was mute. I wanted to accept her challenge, but was ...well, afraid to proceed. She turned with a swirl her open robe revealing her parted thighs barely covered by the top of her outfit. She walked to the stairs with a twitch of her hips. She looked at me with a grin, and offered again, "If you want to, I'll be upstairs." With that she went up the steps, where our two bedrooms and adjacent bath made up the entire upstairs. It didn't take me long to decide..I turned off the TV and went up the stairway, my heart pounding in my throat. At the top of the stairs I paused, not sure of whether to go to her room, or to my own and masturbate with her panties in my face (I still held them.) Gathering my nerve, I tapped on her door, saying "You left these downstairs." "Bring them in," she commanded. I opened the door and entered her room. The lights were out, but her body on the bed was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the windows. She still wore the baby doll top, but no robe hid her long, gorgeous legs which were beautifully displayed. I stood there mute, unable to decide on how to proceed. She took care of that. "Are you taking me up on my offer?" she asked teasingly. Before I could answer, she parted her legs, saying "Go ahead. It's OK. See what a real female smells like." Moving to the foot of her bed, I sat down between her feet. Taking charge, she parted her legs even more, saying "It's up here, you'll have to lean over." Bracing myself on my elbows, I slid between those shapely, tanned thighs. Even before my face got close I could detect a musky flavor I'd never noticed before, even sniffing her panties. I thought I could see her golden pubic hair and paused a few inches above the treasure between her legs, unsure of how to proceed. I then felt her hands clasping the back of my head, drawing my face down, between the juncture of her thighs. *** From: Brad My sister and I are 17 years old, and have been enjoying sex with each other for two and a half years. We started when drunk and being left home alone, and whilst watching a soft-core porno on TV she noticed the bulge in my pants. She got curious and asked to let her touch it - she then copied the 'actors' on the TV and went down on me. We talked about it afterwards, agreed we both enjoyed it, and have continued regular full penetration in secret, as we still live with our folks. *** From: Dennis You asked so here it goes when I was 10 my older brother was 13 he would masturbate me and later would suck me off and then have me suck him off I rather liked it and started to like his advances I didn't at first. We had many 69 encountered for several years until he was sent to a military school. A few years later I started with my younger brother. In adult life we have never talked about it? Why I don't know. If you want more email me it feels good to talk about after all these years. *** From: Connie When I was 13 I was already obsessed with sex to some extent. My first orgasm came at a young age, perhaps 7, when I was molested (though not unwillingly) by two gardeners employed by my family. They did not speak English very well, other than a few well-chosen obscene terms, but they made their intentions clear. They took me into a small garden shed where they made me lie down on some sort of grain or feed sacks. I'll never forget how excited I was when they pulled off my panties, spread my legs and began touching my hairless pussy. I felt a thrill go through me when one of them whispered something about little pussy, even though I didn't know what that was at the time. They played with me for a long time and made me lick and kiss their cocks. (I discovered later that my 11 year old brother was outside watching through the window, trying to decide what to do. He later admitted that since he could see I was smiling and laughing, he ended up jacking off while the two men put their fingers in me and deposited their cum on my face and belly. I remember they wiped me off with rags and warned me not to tell anyone - as if I would? I just went back and took a bath, and an early nap. Although my brother and I ended up playing with each other whenever we had the chance, we never quite had the courage to actually fuck and then he went away to school. I was desperate to have sex, but still afraid of getting a "reputation" at school. Other girls my age did not even suck boys off, let alone fuck them. My mother married, again, when I was 12. Malcolm, my new stepfather liked to give spankings, and those spankings began to change. First with the panties on, then with the panties down a bit, then with them off completely, then just in my bra, then, finally, I was told to strip completely for my punishment. His fingers kept brushing the new crop of soft hair on my crotch, but still he didn't actually do anything, even when I squirmed a bit trying to get his fingers closer. Then, one night, he came home and caught me making out on the couch with a 16-year old boy. My blouse was open and I was on my knees sucking the boy's hard-on. Malcolm sent him out the door still trying to get his dick back in his pants, and hauled me upstairs. Suddenly I knew that would be the night, and it was. At first he ripped my clothes off harshly, and turned me over his knee. But I could feel the enormous bulge in his trousers as he reddened my ass. Then he made me kneel in front of him as he sat on the bed. He interrogated me about my activities, wanting to know if I'd let any of those boys stick their cocks in my pussy. He'd never used such language and I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He made me use the words, too. I couldn't get away with a "yes" or a "no" answer. He showed me that he had discovered the cache of hard core porn magazines I had stolen from him and from my stepbrother, and hidden in my dresser drawer. He made me point to the pictures I liked (the ones of women tied up and spread open, being roughly handled), made me read the captions out loud and describe what was going on. He told me, finally, if I wanted to be a slut, I would certainly be HIS slut. I felt myself trembling. He was going to fuck me, for real. He made me kneel between legs and unzip his trousers, and wrap my hands around his thick, hard, meaty cock. "I saw you licking that kid's dick downstairs, so I know you know how to do it. Start sucking, my sweet little bitch!" That first night, he came first in my mouth, then he enjoyed my virgin cunt. It hurt, but not as much as I thought it might. And I wanted it so bad, but he wouldn't let me want it, if you know what I mean. He made sure that I knew he was in charge, he was the boss, he owned my pussy. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 20 My New Stepsister My parents got divorced when I was eleven and my mother immediately remarried. She dragged my little sister and I from our sleepy Florida town to a city up north, into the new family's big old house in the burbs. We were thrown into an entirely new situation that included a new stepfather, a cat, three dogs and my new stepsister Linda. She was just six weeks older than me, and we became instant friends. She introduced me to the kids in the hood, among other things. I don't know whether it was from my having been to a Catholic elementary school or what, but she couldn't believe how naive I was. I knew how the "S" word was spelled, but had never heard it spoken aloud - until she said it, no doubt causing me to gasp in shock. When she said the "F" word, I didn't bat an eye because I had never even heard of it. Then she explained what it meant, and at first I couldn't believe her. My mom? And your Dad? Do that? No way! After mulling it over for a while, I found that it might be an explanation for some things I had already observed. When I questioned my mother, I could tell by her evasive choice of words and her attitude that it was the truth. Linda had also enlightened me about a few other choice words and expressions, such as BONER and BLOWJOB. Whether from the erotic suggestion or from my natural progression into adolescence, soon I began to get my own boners. I think that I had played "doctor" with anyone that would join me, as far back as I can remember. With this new combination of Linda, her budding young body, her knowledge, her lack of inhibitions, and my newfound boners - this was becoming really interesting. When I would start to sport in the evenings, I would run excitedly from my room into hers. Closing the door, I would show it to her, proudly, sticking right up out of my pj's. She would grab it and stroke it gently, which felt great. One time she even popped it into her mouth, which was really fabulous. I would love to entertain you with a nice detailed blowjob story (my whole life would probably be different!); but the truth is that I was a hairless young boy who had never had an orgasm yet, and it was only for half a minute, anyway. Time marched on and hair grew. My friend Carl showed me how to jerk off by rubbing the head of my dick with a soft blanket, and I have been pretty well hooked ever since (though I don't use a blanket anymore, and it's more like once per week now instead of five times per day!) I began to want - and need - some serious sex. Unfortunately, Linda was maturing faster and was beginning to distance herself from me, either in favor of actual dates with boyfriends or because she had real tits now. In any case, she was becoming more inhibited. I will never know how far she went with these dates, because she wouldn't share this type of information anymore. But one thing I did know: she still had an itch that needed scratching. I knew because of a weird little game that we developed. I never cared much about backrubs, but Linda (and most women, I have found) love them. Since our parents were always out on Saturday nights, we would be home alone in her room watching the double feature monster movies. The only light would be from the little black and white TV set, and we would be lazing around in our pj's. Linda would ask, "Give me a backrub, would you?" I can still picture it now. She is sitting to my right on the edge of the daybed, and she moves her legs up behind me and lies down on her stomach with her face towards the TV. Her firm little butt is just touching mine. I reached up under her pajama top and begin to scratch her back gently with my fingernails, making little circles around her shoulders. I keep moving these circles around to include her shoulder- blades and the center of her back. Then I changed to using my fingers and the flat of my hand to press firmly against her. This causes the pajama top to ride up at least halfway. I continued rubbing her all over her back. Her eyes are closed now. I gently ask, "Linda?" and get no response. Is she asleep? I am not sure; let's find out. I know that she would never let me feel her up if she were awake. I slowly moved my left hand down under her armpit, massaging all the way. As I continued further down her ribcage, soon I was at the place where the breast swells out. Her boobs were small, like grapefruit halves, but there was no mistaking the smooth curve, accented even more because she was lying on them. The bad news was that I couldn't reach the nipple, but I got so excited tickling her soft skin that I started to get a raging boner. Technically, this wasn't a "back" rub anymore, and I was prepared to retreat fast if she woke up and said anything. But she didn't - not yet, anyway. I gently reached my right hand over to her left shoulder and pulled her up slightly. My left hand snaked gently under towards the nipple. My heart stopped as she mumbled in her sleep! She twisted onto her right side, bending her knees slightly behind me. Her pajama top was still halfway up her chest. She still appeared to be sleeping soundly. Now I could stroke my hand slowly up her side under the pajama top, stopping at the curve of her breast. I kept smoothly rubbing her, not yet working up to the coveted nipple. This was partly due to a lack of courage on my part (I really did't want to get caught and piss her off) and partly due to the bothersome question: is this a form of rape? Of my various fantasies, my violent raping of a woman was not one I particularly enjoyed. Although I was still a virgin. In my heart I was a lover, not a fighter. Although I had to admit that certain movie rape scenes have caused a twinge in my dick. Still it ranks way on down near the bottom of the list, right near the one where I pop some other guy's dick in my mouth. These thoughts have crashed some of my fantasy parties, but they were never invited. I like to think that I don't have a violent or malicious bone in my body. If anything, I love Linda and will admit it if pressed. However, one specific bone in my body is winning the internal struggle. Yes, even at my tender age of fourteen I am already learning the life lesson of thinking with my little head. Slowly but surely I inch my fingertips up over the curve of her left breast. At last I find the little bump, sticking up firmly. It feels nothing like mine, which are just little flaps of limp skin. Her nipple is more like part of an ear - hard but pliable. I rub it between my thumb and fingers, and it gets even harder and bigger. Linda gives a little moan. Quickly I jerk my hand back and put it in my lap on top of my throbbing dick. As I watch her, Linda still seems to be sleeping. I notice that she must be clenching her thighs together, because she is flexing her left thigh and her butt muscles. She then shifts a little bit so that her left leg bends some more, gently kneeing me in the back, and her right leg straightens out some. This is great news, because my desire to feel her tits was nothing compared to my desire to investigate her pussy. She is wearing these little shorty loose-fitting bottoms, with elastic on the legs. I shift around sideways to get better access with my hand, but there isn't room on the daybed anymore so I just sit on the floor. Actually, I kneel up and over her thighs and gently pull the elastic band up from her exposed left leg. I slowly snake my right hand up under the fabric. Her bare skin feels really hot and smooth. I am so excited now that I feel I could squirt in the air without even a single touch to my dick. My hand continues up to the curve of her butt. I find I have to move my elbow down by her knee to contort my arm to continue up under the elastic barrier. I slowly move up over the curve until my hand is cupping her left cheek. Then I slowly spin it down, sideways, into her crack. The fabric is partially in my way now, but with the progress that my fingertips made I can feel extreme heat and the fuzzy edges of her pubic hair. I drop the leg band from my left hand so that it rests up on my right forearm. I move it over her butt and tug the crotch down and away from her pussy area. She actually wiggles a little bit to help make it happen! My right hand is now touching the back end of her labia, through the fuzz. I have never been this far with a girl before, although I guess it doesn't really count since we're not making out or anything. I start to trail my right fingertips down over her pussy lips, watching her face carefully in case she wakes up. Her mouth is slightly open and she is breathing audibly, but not like a sound sleep type of slow rhythm. Her butt is starting to quiver a little as though she is cold. I wonder if I should cover her up with a blanket. Instead I keep working my fingertips around over her labia all the way to the front of her pussy, where it gets seriously hairy. I move back up and over the mysterious folds toward her butt again, and this time I detect a spot that feels a little bit slippery. I start rubbing my finger back and forth where it slides so easily, and freeze as Linda makes a little moaning noise. She is quivering a lot more now and sort of working her left leg back and forth slightly as though she were running in place. Her eyes are firmly shut. I continue rubbing, but my eyes are glued to hers, just in case. As I slip up and down the slick spot on her pussy lips, the slippery area starts to grow. My fingertips travel farther as the available distance increases. Linda continues to quiver. I then notice that my finger is actually slipping down between some of the folds. I am still rubbing back and forth, but within the folds now. I press inwards to try to get inside, but - no dice. I move back up to the top of the folds and discover another inner space, even wetter. This time my fingers slide in easily - it's even wetter in here. My middle and ring fingers are in up to the nails. Linda makes a little whimper and her quivering is a little more jerky and sporadic, not like a shiver from the cold. I withdraw my ring finger and insert my middle finger up to the first knuckle, but my arm is getting to be really contorted now and her top leg is kind of in the way. I put my left hand down behind her top knee and gently tug it up so that her legs are more spread apart, watching her face the whole time. She slides right up, but her pajama bottoms are tending to move with her. I withdraw my hand totally, reluctantly. But her left leg is now about ninety degrees up from her lower leg, almost at the edge of the daybed. My knees are killing me, but in my excitement I hadn't noticed. There is now room for me up on the bed, between her legs and below her left foot. I move up there, behind her. This time I go for her lower, straight right leg and grab the fabric from the crotch area and gently pull it out away from her. There is more room to move here; in fact, I think I can pull the elastic out far enough to see her pussy. The light from the TV is not enough to see very well, but I stick my head right down there to look. All I can see is a mass of dark curly hair, but - Oh, my God - the heavenly smell! It hadn't even occurred to me that I would be able to smell it. My nose is very sensitive - maybe I should have been a wine-taster. I am completely bowled over by the aroma that those slippery juices give off. If I hadn't loved Linda before, I fell head over heels now. I move closer and closer to her secret perfume spot with my face, inhaling the air deeply. I have since learned that the buzz I am enjoying is caused by a group of chemicals called "pheromones" - but right now I don't care about a thing except not waking Linda up. As I get closer to her pussy, I can see a little better. I can barely make out the labia; they are sort of puffed up and out - not like little sister's when I saw her in the bathtub. I have the elastic pulled as far as possible out to her bent left leg in an attempt to get as close as possible. I am on my knees bent down with my butt in the air and my face inches from her pussy. My aching dick feels like it is made of stone. I am having a hard time trying to inhale as deeply as possible but without exhaling so much that she will feel my breath on her. I get really daring and stick my tongue out to touch her labia. From this close, the aroma is making my head spin into total euphoria. I move even closer and lick gently up and down. I can hear Linda moan, so I jerk upright; her eyes are still shut tight, although she is writhing and humping her lower body slightly. I get back down immediately and plunge my tongue right in. My nose goes right up to her butthole, but the pussy aroma is all I can notice - all I live for at this moment. Linda moans and straightens her bent left leg, and turns back onto her tummy, giving me a heart attack and forcing my head out quickly; then I see that she has bent both legs and pointed her butt up into the air, sleeping like a little baby! After a second, I grab her butt gently and wait for a response - nothing. I grab the waistband of her pajama bottoms and slowly pull them down over her hips and then the curve of her butt. I can get them all the way down to past her leg bands. Her pussy is fully exposed now, and I can see it better with the improved lighting angle. The labia are still a series of secretive folds, but the big mystery is gone because there are two distinct halves visible. I take my middle finger and gently plunge it between these halves. To my surprise, she wiggles back on it, impaling it further than I would have even dared. She is moaning and quivering now, with my finger up her. The rest of my fingers are in the way of further penetration, so I remove it and insert my index finger instead. She moans and wiggles back on it more! The walls of her pussy feel like the softest slippery silk, like the inside of a little but deep toothless mouth. I curve my finger a bit to investigate this new territory. About an inch up, I can feel a somewhat round shape towards the front. I am guessing that this must be the "cherry" - it is just the right shape and size. How interesting - it is not a resisting barrier. I guess she must have gone all the way already with someone. It feels as though another finger might fit in her, so I pull my index out and add my already wet middle finger. As I continue probing and stroking the sides, she moans and wiggles spasmodically. Since she still pushes back, and since I don't feel any resistance, and since my dick is leaking all kinds of slick juice from the excitement, I wonder whether I could get away with positioning myself to stick it in. I get up to where it is close, but her butt is not far back enough to make contact without actually laying on top of her. I guess I could do it if there were a trapeze hanging from the ceiling. There is just not going to be a way to get in her without waking her up, and I bet she would kill me if she wakes up and finds out what is going on. Oh, well. I have food for solo fantasies for the rest of my life now, without the ultimate violation. Anyway, I don't have a rubber; what if she got pregnant? As a consolation, I decide to try to at least lick her pussy - something I have only heard about. This time I stand up and put my left foot over her on the far side of the daybed so that I am straddling her and looking at her butt upside down. With my left hand I pull her pajama bottoms just a little further down her legs; I straighten my right arm on the daybed and lean way over. I swoop my face down to that beautiful and mysterious spot once again. With my face nearly upside down, my nose is bumping right up against the front of her slit, and if I thought the smell was great before - it was even better now. Without hesitating I plunge my tongue into her. She moans again and shoves her butt up to my face for better access. I licked up the full length to the front of her slit and diddle around, experimenting, looking for the legendary clit. She begins to grunt "mmph!" as she starts to hump the air beneath her. I pop up for a second to make sure that she is still asleep, and then go back to town. She resumes her humping and grunting as I resume toying with what seems to be the right spot. My boner is killing me, aching to plunge into her. I keep on flicking my tongue back and forth, in and out, and she keeps on gyrating her hips around, faster and faster, around and around. As she keeps getting even wetter, I am finding out that the taste of her pussy juice is wonderful. I have never been this turned on in my short life, and I can't tell whether it's because of the smell, the taste, or the texture - but it certainly is her pussy that's causing it. I am getting carried away, constantly flicking my tongue even faster and covering her entire pussy with my mouth as though we were having a really wild and sloppy French kiss. Sometimes I slow my tongue down to gauge her reaction, which she unconsciously makes clear by her moans and by the wiggling of her butt; sometimes I move it in and out, sometimes in circles one way and then the other, sometimes back and forth, sometimes in combinations of these. After a few minutes of this, her humping just can't get any faster. I can't really tell if her hips are moving now - they are locked rigid, motionless, yet at the same time they are moving so fast that they seem to be vibrating. Oh, man; I think she may be coming! The very idea is so exciting that I'm afraid my dick is going to explode. Her pussy is starting to make these gulping noises, kind of like farts, but more like kissing the air. Also, each time she exhales she is letting out a really long grunting sound; it sounds like some African animal charging. She makes these loud groans for at least five or six breaths. Now I'm more worried that she will wake HERSELF up. I am not sure whether to hang on tight or run away before she wakes up. I decide to stand up and get ready to bolt. Still trembling, her hips very slowly sink down to the surface of the daybed. I pull her pajama bottoms up over her butt at the last minute. In the glow from the TV test pattern, I look at her closed eyes once again and notice that she has sort of rosy cheeks and a very light glow of sweat all over her face. She is beginning to breathe more normally as I leave the room. At the top of the stairs, before going down to my own room, I grab my swollen dick and give it one really good hard squeeze. Without even a single pull, I gasp as I shoot out all over the stairway wallpaper. Through my blurred vision I can see a big blob of my goo on the far wall, way up near the ceiling. I don't think I can reach that high to wipe it off, even if I wanted to. * * * So... about this game: was she feigning sleep or not? I suspect so but I will never know for sure. But I do know that there were many other such incidents. I can remember at least once that she BEGGED me to come upstairs and rub her back. But sometimes I couldn't take the frustration of the one-way trip. If only she had said, "I'll make it worth your while..." THAT'S the real food for some of my fantasies, even today, 30 years later. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 21 From: Hal I am a son that has had sex with his dad. This story is lengthy, but it needs to be in order to capture the events that led to our sexual experience together. Over the years, many men have asked me questions about my relationship with my father. I think this story explains it all. My story began in 1978 when I was 16 and a sophomore in high school. I was very horny and definitely gay but had not had sex with anyone yet. I used to masturbate 2-3 times a day. I bought Playgirl and Hustler magazines to masturbate with. One day I walked into my very good looking 48-yr old dad's bathroom and there he was stark naked. I was immediately aroused by his hairy body and fat cock and balls. I stared and stammered and he talked to me but I didn't hear a thing because I was completely focused on his cock. I believe that moment planted the seed in his head that he had a queer son, which might become useful someday. About a week later, he and I were the only ones and home. It was a Saturday morning. I took a shower and was drying off when someone knocked on my door. I knew it was my father so I opened the door. I was as naked as he was previously. His eyes went right to my cock! I got very nervous but didn't move. I wanted him to see my large cock and be proud. But I started getting an erection so I put a towel around myself. After he left he patted me on the back and said let's do something tomorrow son - just me and you. The next day we went for lunch in the park together. Dad told me it was time to tell me about sex. I already knew everything but I let him speak. He explained what men and women do sexually and why. He asked me if I had any questions but I was too afraid to bring up my gayness at that point. My dad than confided in me that he had looked outside of his marriage with my mother for sex a few times because she had turned frigid. I wasn't comfortable talking about my mother's sexuality but I was curious about his. I asked him if it had been the right thing to do and he told me that he was an extremely sexual and horny man and loved sex. So he had no choice. He said he would not divorce my mom over it. About 3 days later, I was beating off in my room late one night and the door opened. I jumped up in fright. It was my dad. I had about 3 playgirl magazines on my bed and was bare naked with a big erection. He was smiling and reeked of gin. He asked me what I was doing. He saw the magazines. I figured this was it! He would now know I was queer and that I loved cock. Time for a serious sermon. How wrong I was to be afraid. Dad told me that I had a nice cock - just like his. He then said that he suspected that I was queer. He asked me if I liked men. I answered Yes. He asked me if I had ever had sex with men. I said I had not. Well then he said, if you promise to keep this a secret, I will let you suck my cock anytime you want. He unzipped his pants and pulled out a beautiful piece of meat. Well? he asked. Come over son and get to know your father's dick. I got down on my knees and kissed his big hairy cock. I held it in my hand and watch it grow. Then I licked it. I kept licking it and then I put it in my mouth. Dad moaned and slowly pushed his cock deeper in my mouth. It was so thrilling! I was so aroused. Dad fucked my virgin mouth for about 10-15 minutes until he let off a huge wad of cum. I spit the cum out because I didn't know how to swallow yet. When it was over he asked me how I felt. I told him I liked the sex but would be afraid if anyone ever found out. He agreed that it would not be good if anyone learned of this so we must never mention it, just do it whenever we were horny. Well, I was to find out that I had a father that was as horny as a 16-yr old. I was sucking him every night. He taught me how to lick and suck his balls and eat his cum as well. He bought me gay magazines and told me to study the way men have sex. The sucking went on for about 6 months. After 6 months, dad decided he wanted to suck my cock. So we added 69 into our relationship. 6 months later, we were getting bored with our scenario. Many of the magazines that dad bought me showed anal sex. He asked me if I had thought about it and I said yes. Dad told me he wanted to try it soon so I should begin thinking about it. One night we were having a session and dad pushed a finger in my asshole. It burned and caused me pain at first but as he sucked, he pushed it in and out in a rhythm. I found myself loving the feeling. So we added finger fucking to our relationship. A few weeks went on and dad was getting 3 fingers in my ass in a session. He told me that he wanted to penetrate me with his penis and would I mind. I told him I wanted to try it. When the night came to try it, things were fairly disastrous. I was unable to take his fat cock up my ass without a lot of pain. So we waited and he fingered me to exercise my hole. One night he came in my room with vodka. We drank the vodka and sucked. It was that night that I was able to loosen up and let him fuck me. It was awesome. He fucked me in every position and we both came multiple times. I was thrilled! We added fucking to our relationship and for the next 2 years had regular hot sex, which fulfilled both of us. When I left for college in another state, the sex ended. I was very promiscuous in college (I wonder why?). And had sex every weekend with men I met of picked up at gay bars. When I returned home for holidays my dad and I would have sex but it wasn't like it used to be. I wasn't into it with him like I had been because I was dating some very nice men, and it just seemed really abnormal to be having sex with him again. I told him how I felt and he understood. Today I am 34 and have been in a monogamous relationship for 3 yrs. My lover does not know about the relationship I once had with my father. I have never told anyone about it except online anonymously. My father is 68 and looks pretty good for his age. I only see him about 6 times a year and he never mentions what we did. He is still married to my mother. He more or less acts as if it never even happened. But it did, and sometimes I think back to it and think how much fun it was. In retrospect I think we did what we did because we were both horny men. As a gay boy, I was not going to turn down the opportunity to suck dick. I believe my father was/is a bisexual. I was the most comfortable choice for him to try out his bisexuality. As far as I know, he has not had sex with other men; however, I might be wrong because how the hell do I know what he does on his spare time. If he wanted to fuck for old time's sake I would be more than willing! Hope you liked my story. It's not every son that gets to share such intimacy with the man whom they call Dad. *** From: Roy Hi, my name is Roy and I am 45 years old. At the age of 4, or at least as far back as I can remember I was involved in incestrial relationships. Starting with my Grandfather and mother. Latter extending to my brother and 10 of my cousins. I eventually found out that my grandfather was actually my biological father and that one of my cousins is actually my half sister. By the time I was 8 years old, if I didn't feel like doing, I was getting paid to perform sexual favors. I didn't find out about my Mother and her Father's relationship until I was much older. Now that I think back about it I realize that my Mother knew what was going on from the start, or she wouldn't have let me spend night sleeping with the man that fathered me. Knowing that was quite hard on me and has been very hard to deal with. My Grandfather (Father) use to always say I was his boy. Now I know what he meant by that. I didn't know back when I was young that he was doing things with his other grandchildren. I thought I was the only one. I was the only one that use to sleep in his bed regularly. I slept with him more than I ever slept alone between the ages of 3 and 12. If you would like to hear more about my childhood as a sex toy please Email me. [no response as yet] *** From: Hawkeye When I was 7 and my sister was 8 we had an experience together and it was the most terrible and traumatic experience of my life. It started when my parents befriended another couple at my father's place of business. The other couple also had a son and a daughter about our age. I don't know where these children learned the things they did, but it was obvious that they had learned about sex somewhere. What they knew was far from "playing doctor" or simple examination of each other's genitals. My sister and myself knew nothing about any of this and it was all new and appeared to be just like another game. Eventually, we paired off. Me, with the other girl, and my sister with the other boy. I remember taking my erect penis and sliding it up and down the girls' small hairless vagina. It was incredible! I realize now that I had an orgasm. Of course, there was no ejaculation, but just the same, I felt the immense tingling at the base of my abdomen that is a normal result of having an orgasm and cumming. I was in heaven. Whenever these other two children came over, we would pair up the same way always. I never asked my sister what happened with her, but I am sure it was probably similar activities. Well, one day I was at home (if memory serves) and me and my sister started to get it on. She told me that she didn't want to, but I said that it would be fun. She said that mom and dad would get mad, but I ignored it and continued. I basically did to her what I did with the other girl (just slide up and down). And I had an orgasm again. It was very good. I was a child, and all I knew is that I liked what I felt. There was no morality or taboo issues. It just felt good and I didn't know any better. One day, out of a naive and innocent idea that she thought she might get pregnant, my sister told my mom what was going on. My mom in turn told my father (the biggest mistake in my lifetime). I remember my father ordering me into his room with my mother sitting on the other side of the bed. He pushed me on to the bed. The only question that I can remember him asking me is if I "...put it in." I quickly retorted out of fear "no!" I saw light, and heard an eerie brushing sound come from the side of my head. Then the pain. Then I opened my glassy eyes and saw his fist balled up with his education ring spearheading his hand. Over and Over. The pain was not the worst part. It was the shame. I don't think that he knew that my sister and I had any sexual contact, but he told me that I was an animal and that what I was doing was disgusting. I remember him saying, "Now what am I going to tell those children's parents?" He blamed me, and so did I. Put yourself at that delicate mental age. It crushed me. He was my idol, and I became less than nothing. Later on, after I had seen a psychologist, I realized that it was not my fault and that my sister and I were the victims of a mild form of molestation by children that were older than we were. To this day I still suffer the pain that was etched on my soul. I still have erection problems with some women (which is really embarrassing) until I feel comfortable with them. I think it is because in a way, I still feel that the act is innately bad. The point is, my incestuous experience was not a good one. I'll never recover and I still see that light and still feel the shame in one form or another (although you could never tell). Another collateral result was that, after that day, I distanced myself from my sister and was not the loving brother that I could have been. My father was an animal and shamed me and my sister many times after that (not sexually). I wish I could have been there for her because she, as a young girl, was much more delicate than I. I just felt that I was bad and should not touch her at all. For the most part, that has changed now. We are very good friends and get along very well. Sometimes life is not fair. We must protect each other when we can. *** A WORD FROM RANK I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...With whom (Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, etc.). ...At what age? ...Who 'wooed' who? ...How you feel about your experience(s) today? Your confidentiality will not be compromised. Your story will only be used to continue these postings. If you would like to share your story, please send mail to RankAmateur@writeme.com. INCEST IN THE MEDIA There was a brief flap over the book _The Kiss_ by Kathryn Harrison, an author who has written in the past about incest issues. This is her personal account of her adult affair with her father, which lasted several years and haunts her still. The reviews were not, generally, good. Many critics felt that it was inappropriate for her to disclose this story, and that perhaps at some high- culture level, it was mere publicity-seeking since her previous books had not been great successes. I don't know and I can't judge; I haven't read the book yet (perhaps I should add book reviews to the digest!). What I do find interesting is that discussion of incest has moved beyond the child-molestation phase and we're seeing a return of what you may call Freudian incest. (Remember that Freud made a splash a century ago by concluding that the "hysteria" -- today we might call it depression or anxiety -- of his female patients was due to having had affairs with their fathers.) And perhaps, as some charged, this is merely the end result of a decade of talk shows competing for our attention: nothing shocks. I am rather suspicious that the people buying that book are people like you and me, that is, with an erotic interest in incest, rather than survivors. It's almost as though the telling is more important for the person who went through it, rather than anything that might come out of the tale. Another book of interest is her _Exposure_, about a woman whose famous-photographer father took a critically acclaimed series of nudes of his then-teenage daughter. In effect, she is going through life with her every secret revealed. This novel was very highly regarded at the time, unlike _The Kiss_. Unexpectedly home on Friday night (okay, I didn't have a date), I found myself watching the new Larry Hagman drama _Orleans_. To my surprise it was nothing at all like Dallas; the producer is John Sacret Young, of _China Beach_ fame, and it's a very well done family drama mixed with some politics and policing. I highly recommend it on that basis alone. My other surprise was the plotline of that episode, which was an adult woman's marriage, despite her heartbreak over her true love -- her cousin (and in practicality, a brother, since they had grown up so close). It was handled as something they both accepted but needed to keep secret. Not shameful, perhaps, but at least very embarrassing. I don't know when it will run again, but watch the airwaves. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 22 Though incest is among society's strongest taboos, statistics show a lot of us have done it -- or are doing it. Whether as part of mutual exploration, seduction, or even abuse, incest creates enduring memories with emotional and erotic impact. This digest is one way of discussing and illuminating this subject. Plus, the stories are fun to share! If you have an incest experience you would like to share, please send it to: RankAmateur@writeme.com. Anonymity guaranteed. Disclaimer: If you don't like any of this, skip it. *** From: Neville Here first is some basic information about myself - I am the eldest of 11 children that my mum had with a variety of diffident men - i.e. I was born out of wedlock - she married and had 4 children - two boys two girls by my adoptive father. He walks out on us when I was about ten, then his place was taken by his stepbrother our step uncle. Me and him didn't get on, then mum dumps him when he went to jail. Mum had three more boys and one girl by him before she booted him out, then she had a boy by a nice guy, but that relationship fizzled out and then she met an Irish guy who gave her her last baby. I was sexually abused at the age of five by a lodger who was staying with us - he slept with me - abuse was the wrong word because I liked him sucking my penis and I was fascinated by the size of his equipment - sadly he left - but I was always keen on sex with my peer group and sometimes with my younger siblings. The major breakthrough for me occurred at ten years of age when my penis grew out of all proportion to my boy body and a boy and girl showed me the joys of masturbation. I was masturbating every day before my eleventh birthday - and when at 11 I went to an all boys school I started to become sexually attracted to boys and loved taking showers with my randy class mates. But I'd also been having weekly sexual fun with an older girl on our street from the age of 8 up to 16 when I joined the army as a boy soldier. I became very popular with my older school mates who were always requesting the use of my right hand to wank them off - never ever refuse a boys request. The first time I felt sexual toward my mum was one hot summers day during the long summer school holidays. I was fed-up with my mates and went home - mum was in the kitchen standing at the kitchen sink, hand washing some clothes - I leaned against the kitchen wall next to the sink. Well my eyeballs nearly fell out of their sockets. All mum was wearing was a wrap round apron buttoned up at the front - I could see her breasts completely as she washed the clothes unaware that her son's cock was twitching in his trousers. She stopped washing for some reason and left the kitchen - when she returned I had an overwhelming desire to have a cuddle with my mum. I think I'd had a resentment of my brothers and sisters taking her attention away from me - I grabbed mum by surprise and she laughed as she asked me what I was doing - I was very emotional by then and replied 'Mum I just want a cuddle.' With this I leaned her against the kitchen wall. She put her arms around me and pulled me to her. I had my chin touching the top of her warm breasts and she kissed my face - I kissed the top of both breasts and she didn't say anything. But when I undid two of the apron buttons she pushed me away gently and said 'We can't, somebody might walk in.' in those days neighbors were always popping in and out of each other's houses. Any way from that moment my wanking fantasy switched from the streets boys and girls to almost exclusively about having sex with my mum. It gets a bit complicated now - my sex life that is - as me and my best mate got a job on a farm - the farmer was gay and he introduced me to oral sex - him on my cock only - and he introduced me to arse fucking - again I fucked him and wouldn't allow him to fuck me. I'd been forcefully fucked by an older man I allowed to pick me up in public toilets when aged 12 and as he near strangled me it put me off letting older guys approach me from behind. The second semi sexual happening occurred one early morning - one of my younger brothers aged about seven or eight had fell out with the guys he was sleeping with - I slept naked and with a raging hard-on I went to the bedroom hall and picked him up in my arms - just as mum stepped onto the hall to see why he was crying - she saw me in all my naked glory and said 'Oh are you going to look after him' her eyes were transfixed on to my fully cock and she gave me a strange smile. Step-uncle was still on the scene. I took my brother into my single bed - he was only wearing a vest so I took it off and I cuddled him close to my body - I was very turned on having him in my bed - I touched his cock which was stiff - he giggled as a fondled him - the more I touched him the more excited I got. I couldn't resist sucking and licking his 3 inch uncut cock. I then rubbed my cock over his and shot my load all over him - I spread my cum all over him and then licked it off his skin. We slept in each other's arms - the next morning mum came in to my bedroom - see saw both his vest and my pajamas on the floor because she picked them up and put them on the foot of the bed. She said 'Don't you mind him in your bed?' I pulled the sleeping boy closer to me and said 'Not at all.' I had my same brother sleep with me at every opportunity - he too had an early puberty like me and mum got us bigger bed. He slept with me when I went home on army leave. The last time we slept together - he was 15 and I was 21 - we were doing oral and mutual masturbation - deep french-kissing and rubbing cocks together semi fuck style. We never fucked each other. On Sunday morning I was not required to work on the farm that week end - I don't think the farmer could handle both my mate and me at the same time. I slipped my totally inadequate pajama bottoms on - the open fly hid nothing and I was a bit of a flasher to my brothers sisters and mum - she said nothing about me wearing something from which I was obviously getting sexual gratification. This Sunday morning I walked into her bedroom carrying a tray with two cups of tea on it - the sight which met my eyes was that uncle was lying across mum - they were having full intercourse - his head was underneath the bed covers and he was making a funny grunting sound. But what sexually aroused me was the seeing that both of my mother's breasts were completely exposed out from the top of her flimsy nightie. Mum looked flushed with excitement - I looked straight at her and she put a finger to her lips as to say - 'keep quiet and look at me.' I smiled and felt my hard cock flop out from my open pajama trousers - So there we were smiling at each other and then the tray in my hand started to shaking in my trembling hands and mum whispered for me to leave 'You'd better go luv.' she said. I went back to bed with my 8 year old brother and made him suck my cock - I came after about 30 seconds and my orgasm nearly knocked me out. Then the greatest thing happened - uncle Tom was a stupid petty criminal and he got nine months in jail for something I've long forgotten. I figured my mother to be a nymphomaniac and wondered which man was going to replace Tom as I was certain she would not last long without a man with her track record. Two weeks later when I took her tea in she said 'Nev stay off school today luv.' Like a prick I asked 'What for?' She replied 'Don't you want to keep your old mum company?' Her breasts were looking good - she was only 33, as she had had me when she was 19 years old. I quickly replied 'Yes of course I do.' I walked down the stairs in a dazed trance - 'Was this really it' I kept thinking. Mum came down in her see through, hides nothing, nightie - she sitting in her armchair which is directly opposite where I was sitting - all I had on was my open front pajama trousers - I was smoking a cigarette - Mum looked very nervous. I could hardly breath - she then asked me to light her a fag - I stood up from my chair and my cock was exposed to her - I leaned over her and put her fag into her mouth for her - she made no effort to cover her highly exposed tits - but she whispered - 'you had better lock the doors luv, we don't want to be disturbed do we.' I didn't reply, because I literally couldn't speak with being over excited. I went to the front hall and bolted it as well as turned the key - I gave my cock a few masturbation strokes before I reentered the living room - mums had fully exposed her tits out from her nightie. My cock was fully hard as I went to the kitchen to lock the back door - I removed my pajamas in the kitchen - My face was scarlet red as being blond I blushed very easily - I took a deep breath to calm me down a bit - I WAS GREATLY EXCITED BEING TOTALLY NAKED. I stood before my mum naked and total naked - she looked very seriously at me - I felt nervous, then she smiled a smile which reminded me of a whore type look as she stood up. She kicked out from her fallen nightie and we embraced. At last I could touch her tits - I could kiss her tits and suckle on her nipples - she then touched my very wet cock head and then grabbed my cock shaft - it was throbbing like it had never done before. Christ, she was guiding my six inch boy cock into her very comforting warm wet cunt slit - her cunt felt better than the four girls cunts it had experienced - she gripped me and started rolling her hips - she grips by buttocks and starts to encourage me to do the intercourse movements - I grab her buttocks - we look at each other - joined together - we kiss - she guides our sexed up bodies to the floor of the living room. She quickly guides my cock into her wet cunt - I rest on my elbows and give a few testing thrusts into her - she immediately starts lifting her hips to get my cock fully impaled into her cunt - she's shagging me as much as I was shagging her. We both were using each other to satisfy our primitive sexual instincts. Mum was rolling her head - eyes - hips - she was sucking in my tongue and her cunt muscles were vibrating as they gripped around my pumping cock shaft pistoned in and out of her cunt - she wasn't my mother now - I wasn't her son - we were as one entity - two over sexed human beings moving, moaning, screaming as we both orgasm together. I continued fucking her although my massive ejaculation of my sinful incestuous male seeds into my mother's cunt hole depths - My cock never goes quickly soft - even after a quick wank I always had to put a stiff cock away into my trousers. My mum was crying with a smile on her face - she was caressing my slightly moving boy buttocks - She then turned slightly serious and asked me if I hated her - I said of course I didn't hate her. She asked if I was disgusted with her and again I reassured her that I wasn't disgusted with her. She kissed me and ran her fingers through my hair - I rested my head on her breast as we relaxed with my stiff fully hard cock in her cunt - she was caressing my shoulders - then I felt her hips trying to move again. I was ready to fuck my wonderful lust filled mother again and the second act of incest was even better than our first shag. I was more controlled with my down wards thrusts - mum was guiding me as she rolled her hips to meet my fucks into her. We went to her bed and talked - she told me she knew I was fucking myself on the broom handle late at night - she said she knew I was sexually attracted to my 8 year old brother. She wanted the full details of the four girls I'd fucked - I told her about the farmer showing me the joys of gay sex - queer sex as the word gay wasn't universally used to mean homos - she said I must be half and half - I later learnt she meant bi-sexual. I told her I fantasized about her catching me fucking myself naked and body oiled up in front of mirrors - she said it could now happen. She told me I would tomorrow be shown how to do foreplay and 69 with a woman - I told her I did it with my school friends - it turned her on when I told her who I had had sex with in our street and at school. I fell asleep after our third shag - I work up at around six o'clock and heard voices of the family down stairs - I put my trousers [no underpants] I greeted everybody with a special smile to mum as I sat in the chair at the supper table - I sat in uncle Tom's chair - I was tempted to say 'Cheers to absent friends'. My 6 year old sister asked me if I was going to school tomorrow - I told her she'd have to ask our mummy - mum said 'I don't think so luv.' My cock twitched inside my loose fitting trousers. After supper my young sister came to sit on my knee... I'm on heat lust reliving the above. *** [2nd mail] I went for a two week holiday at my grand fathers home in South Wales - I was recovering from a hernia operation - He met me at the station - he recognized me before I recognized him - he took me to his cozy little house. Granddad adored me - I was to share his bed - I actually turned down granddads sisters offer to sleep at her place. I was tired by 10 pm and went to bed - I had to wear a full pajamas top and bottom - I was more tired than I thought because I fell asleep almost immediately. I was awoken by granddad getting into the bed with me - I was lying on my back. I thought he had gone to sleep - I was very hot, pouring of sweat - bloody pajama tops were causing me this discomfort. What's more my prick was outside my pajama bottoms front opening - I hadn't had my three usual wanks and my balls felt as if they would explode unless I relieve them soon. I tried stroking my cock with my right hand but my moving elbow touched granddad - I tried using my left hand but the wall and my elbow made a noise - so I lay awake extremely frustrated - then granddad asked if I was awake - I told him I was. Then without warning his hand grabbed my dick. I was more surprised than shocked and my natural response was to pull his hand off me, but he wouldn't let go - he whispered 'Neville I wouldn't ever hurt you,' With that I sat up and removed my pajama top and kicked off my pajama bottoms - I lay down and told granddad 'Be my guest.' He felt my testicles and ran his hand all over my torso - he pinched my nipples - he made me touch his cock - I didn't like that because of his age - he only had about 4 inches - he must have sensed I'd mentally compared sizes because he said 'Yes Neville yours is bigger than mine, but I bet I cum more than you.' Well before I knew it I was fucking him. The next morning he bought a large jug of hot water - there was a large basin and granddad told me to have a strip was and to pay special attention to my private parts - I duly obeyed. I couldn't find my clothes so I went down stairs in my pajamas - granddad had his back to me. I sensed a bit of an atmosphere between us. Then granddad spoke - 'Neville I hope what happened last night hasn't upset you.' I replied 'Not at all granddad I enjoyed it.' At that the old boy turned around with a lovely grin on his face. 'So there's no need to mention it to your mother is there.' I said 'I wouldn't dream of telling her or anybody else about it.' I thought 'If only you knew what me and mum were doing and what me and the farmer were doing you'd know how funny his question was.' He then asked me if I was hungry - I was starving so he cooked me a large breakfast. He watched me eat every mouthful and then he moved the table and as I sipped my cup of tea he told me I had a beautiful body - my rising cock popped out from the pajamas - he gently stroked it into a full erection. He undid the pajama cord from around my waist. He then sucked me off and I ejaculated into his mouth. Afterwards we went out for the day to meet relatives I never knew I had. I fucked granddad every night in bed - But on the nights when we stayed in to watch television together - he asked me to strip off at about 8 pm each evening - we sat side by side in two arm chairs with our feet up resting on foot stools. Granddad would fondle my cock and balls - on three occasions he asked me to stand up and walk around the living room - then to stand up in front of him and masturbate myself - this turned me on a lot. I took my time to give the old boy a good show. I fucked him twice in the kitchen. I told him I was having sex with my mum, a farmer and numerous school boyfriends - he said I was over sexed - I told him I'd been accepted into the army as a boy soldier. He thought that to be a good place to get rid of my boyhood energy. All too soon the holiday was over - he died two years later - I cried more than mum did. *** [3rd mail] Having established a sexual relationship with my mother - I had a free hand to touch my other brothers and sisters - I always wore my old pajama bottoms - never a top, when the late evening, all day Sunday if not working on the farm. I'd have walked around naked if I thought I could get away with it. Sometimes as we watched telly in the dark, one of my young sisters would sit on my knee or lap. I would touch her cunt slit - mum knew I was doing it and in bed she told me it turned her on a great deal. Saturday night is grand bath night - Mum would bath the girls and then rush them into the warmer living room - one evening I offered to dry my whilst mum had a break. Mum looked at me - she knew what I was up to and she sat down to watch me. My sister was approaching puberty and her breasts were a little more than puppy fat. I quickly dried her top half and then dried her feet, calves, inner and outer thighs - inner thighs again. When I was drying her hairless cunt region I had the towel edge so my fingers could brush her cunt slit - I LINGERED on drying her cunt - at times I PARTED the slit - and go deeper and deeper into her as all eyes were now watching me - my brothers and sisters were all eyes. My sister wasn't complaining at my touching her so intimately - All my brothers were sporting erections - my erection was plain for everybody to see. My sister was kept home the following Monday - Both mum and me had sex with her - at first she was too nervous to play - but after five minutes of my tonguing her citreous she was just as keen then to masturbate herself and me. When I licked her cunt, she pissed herself in my face - not that this bothered me - I'd been drinking my own urine since the age of 12. I last fucked my mum and my three sisters when I was on army leave aged 20, I was discharged from the army for being a sexual psychopath - or being gay - the army use extreme words. I had an accident and broke my neck in 1975 - I have lots of sexual memories to think about, and I have had sexual relationships since my accident. I feel no guilt about my sexually activities - I've never forced anybody to have sex with me, nor would I because I wouldn't enjoy sex if my sex partner wasn't enjoying it with me. I suppose I am a sexual deviant as I've done most sexual acts - including Bondage - SM - WATERSPORTS - SCAT - EXHIBITIONIST - Been gang banged willingly - taken part in gang bangs with both sexes the person being gang banged was willing - Spanking - and most other things you care to name. I am lucky enough to sex be having sex with both sexes - I can't fuck or produce ejaculated sperm [they back flows into my bladder] but I enjoy oral sex a lot. I don't know whether you wish to correspond regularly - If you do - just let me know. If not, fair enough, just remove the header from your print outs from me so that I cannot be identified if anybody else besides you reads my e-mails to you. If you have other sexual interests you would like to hear about and if I've experience of it I'd be happy to reveal it to you. Take care - happy wanking. *** A WORD FROM RANK I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...With whom (Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, etc.). ...At what age? ...Who 'wooed' who? ...How you feel about your experience(s) today? Your confidentiality will not be compromised. Your story will only be used to continue these postings. If you would like to share your story, please send mail to RankAmateur@writeme.com. WHERE TO FIND THIS DIGEST New issues are posted to alt.sex.stories.moderated and related newsgroups on an irregular schedule. Past issues are available on the web at the alt.sex.stories.moderated archive site. A WORD ON CONTENT After some valid criticism of Issue 21, I have decided to exercise more editorial control over the mix of stories. I'll still reject outright very few (mostly blatant unfinished fantasies), but I will try to adjust the mix in each issue to please the widest audience. Let me know if you like what I'm doing or not -- feedback helps me do this better! Even issues will continue to be 1 (perhaps 2) long stories. Expect issues roughly weekly for a while; I've got a big backlog! A WORD ON SPAM I finally realized that the sex spammers have no incentive to ever stop. You might think that by posting more and more ads, they will drive people away from newsgroups, thus eliminating their audience. In fact, they ARE driving people away from newsgroups ... right to the "spam-free" web. There's method to their madness. No searching! No decoding! Just give me your visa account .... It's completely in their interest to make the newsgroups unusable. Me, I'll stay committed to alt.sex.stories.moderated for a while yet. But I may be starting a web forum of my own. Watch this space! R.I.P. unmoderated alt.sex.* ... dead for some time. It's beginning to stink. :-( A WORD ON AOL Well, after repeated deletions of my profile, now they will not even allow me to save a profile that contains the word "incest" although these digests are 100% legal within the United States. I had delayed my search for a new provider until I could obtain the lifetime e-mail address (which is RankAmateur@writeme.com); I'll be moving soon, now. I'm way too much of a net.veteran to be using AOL anyway. Besides, most of the people who responded needed to be told what the web or newsgroups were ... and I don't have time to be an internet tutor. *** The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest Digest ========================================= Issue 23 Disclaimer: If you don't like any of this, skip it. *** From: Garth One of my first sexual experiences was with my cousins, Vanessa and Kevin. I was about 16 at the time. Vanessa was 15 and Kevin about 13. They had come down to us for the holiday with the rest of the family, and the day before they left Vanessa and I decided that we were going to get drunk together. So I went into town and got some liquors (I did not like beer very much). We decided that we had to let Kevin on it because he was sleeping in my room. Besides, Vanessa was sleeping with my sister, and she was a real priss back then. After the adults had all one to sleep (my father and my uncle were both pissed as coots, with my mother and aunt not far behind) Vanessa came over to our room. We were quite confident that we were not going to be caught, and that we could make quite a bit of noise as well. She got things going by teaching us a drinking game. It was one of those ones where if you made a mistake, you had to down-down, and since we both did not know the game, she remained quite a bit more sober that we did. We soon got tired of the game, and then one of us suggested that we play strip poker. It was probably Vanessa because I did not know how to play cards back then. We could not find a pack of cards, so we settled to playing poker dice with the set that my grandmother had given me for Christmas. Now, as with the drinking game, Vanessa had an unfair advantage on us. See, Kevin and I were probably both wearing about eight or nine items of clothing each (including our watches). Compare this with the countless articles of clothing and accessories that teenage girls wear at that age! I'm talking necklaces, bangles, earrings, stockings, a hair band, rings, etc... So you can probably guess that one of us males got naked before she. As it were, Kevin was first. After getting him to expose his raging not yet fully post-pubescent erection to us for a few seconds, we allowed him to cover himself with a pillow. But Kevin kept losing, so we had to make up penalties for him. I remember that one of them was to fuck one of my centerfold pinups. He was very athletic and had one of those bronzed bodies without any tan lines. Eventually I was also down to nothing, and at that point Kevin and I decided that we had had enough because Vanessa still had all of her clothing on and would not show us anything. So then she suggested that we play Man Or Mouse. (In retrospect, she probably made this game up.) We switched the lights out, and I lay down naked on one of the beds. She kneeled on the floor at the side of the bed and put her hand on my legs. She would say "Man or mouse?" Each time I would answer "Man", and she would advance a few inches up my body. Eventually she was only one move away from my erection, and I was now so turned on that my cock was rock hard (to borrow a cliché - but it was). I think that she could have breathed on it and I would have come. She asked the question and I answered "Man", and to my disappointment she passed straight over my groin area and onto my stomach. She was obviously shy, despite initiating the game, so I made a bold move. I found her hand in the darkness and put it onto my cock, although she took it away almost immediately. Then Kevin and I became tired of her teasing, and we both jumped on her and started to strip her and feel her all over, despite her half-hearted protests. We got her top and bra off, but she kept her legs clamped shut. It was truly one of those cases when the girl said no, but meant yes, and we both knew it, because she was not fighting hard enough, and her protests were not loud enough to wake anyone up, which she easily could have done. The more we felt and sucked and touched and rubbed her the more turned on she became. I even managed to get my hand over her pussy for a while, although not for long. It was the first time that I had sucked a girls breasts. Before that I had only been able to feel them, and I remember marveling that the sensation of sucking them was similar to feeling them. It was that strange, unimaginable sensation - soft yet firm. There came a point where she was able to fight us off and she made it out the door and back to my sister's room. I guess she was not ready for it yet. That or we were not pressing all the right buttons. Perhaps if her brother was not there, she would have gone further with me. Perhaps it was because she and her brothers are adopted that she even went that far. All I know was that after she left, Kevin and I jerked each other off. That night was the first time that I was able to come twice in a row without losing my erection. I am now 24, and my cousin now lives in the same city as I. She is engaged, and even once in front of her fiancé she laughingly hinted at that episode. Whenever we met after that incident I tried to open the subject again - perhaps to talk about it or even finish it off, but we never connected on that level again. One of those cases where we were young enough (and lucky enough) for our separate interests not to have developed and diverged yet. I was also not the only one to commit the "I" deed with her. After I told my little brother about it years later (when he stopped being such a pest), he told me that when he was about 10 or 11 Vanessa would let him tickle her back, and that sometimes she would allow him to feel her tits and her pussy. We always had our suspicions about them, but I always thought that he was too young! Imagine my surprise. *** From: Trip When I was 17, I came out of the shower and let my towel fall exposing my erect penis to my 9 year old sister. I went in to my room and started masturbating on the bed and she followed me in and watched She asked what I was doing and I told her I was washing it in a special way. She wanted to be naked too and showed me her crack. I licked her hairless puss and she gyrated it was so good. I touched my penis head to her clit, but it didn't fit in her hole, I made her suck it for a bit too. After that, I spied on her changing and fooling around with her female friends in her room and shower...I enjoyed ejaculating in her and her hot friends panties. My cousin came on to me when we were 13, she wanted me to touch her tits, so I did right in front of her dad who was sleeping on the couch next to us. That was really all that happened until we were 18 and we wrestled around, we both knew we wanted to fuck, but her boyfriend came in on us. so I got her panties instead. when she was 21 I saw her completely nude as I was making out with her friend, she went to the bathroom at 5 a.m. nude. What a hot body she has, she is tan all over, even her ass. *** From: Deb I have this feeling about my mom and she also has the same feeling back I don't know where to go from here. *** [SPOILER: mildly negative, skip to end if you like] From: Matt I agree, there is a lot more incest going on then we know. Here are two events that I learned about, both in 1979. JACKIE My old girlfriend Jackie had this experience. She only talked about it once so some of the details are missing. She was 10 ft up a ladder leaning on a 6 ft fence trimming a tree. She fell and broke both wrists and wrenched a kneecap. She was a single mother with a son about ten years old at the time. After an over-night stay in the hospital, she came home. She could hop around on one leg and hold small objects in her fingers but that was about all. The county home health nurse showed up some but her son took care of her. I came around when I wasn't traveling. After a while, she wanted to take a bath so she had her son tape plastic bags over both hands and over the leg cast. She was able to soak in the tub like this. Drying herself was harder, so she had her son dry her with a towel, reaching under the short-sleeved robe. Apparently this happened a couple of times without incident. She wanted to wash her hair so she filled the tub with bubble bath. Now hidden, her son come in to shampoo her hair. Something in the shampoo broke down the bubble bath, leaving her exposed naked. She decided to have her son finish washing her hair. He was embarrassed but did it. She went back to her old routine of soaking but later her son offered to wash her hair again. I don't think she bothered with bubble bath this time. After washing her hair, she had him wash her back with a wash cloth. She said it felt so good, that she had him wash all of her. In the process he rubbed her pussy as well as breasts. She said he was not aware of what he was doing. When I visited her, her son had a very different attitude toward me. Confused, I asked her what had happened. She broke down in shame and embarrassment and told me. I suspect he did more than just feel her. A few weeks later she stopped dating me and I eventually moved to a different state. ALYNNE Alynne was another girl I dated, only briefly. She worked with her older sister at a business I called on. We dated a little, dinner and a movie, no sex. One evening at another couples house, we all drank too much and spent the night there. With a little coaxing we made love. It was quick and not very good. In the morning, she was a different person, crying every time I talked to her. I figured I was in for a charge of date-rape as it's called now. Surprisingly, she continued to go out with me but acted strangely. I finally asked her sister if she was OK. Her sister walked outside with me and said "I know what happened. Sex has been forced on Alynne by every man she knew growing up. I know you didn't force her but she doesn't understand the difference. I've adjusted but she can't handle it. If you keep dating her, understand where she's coming from." We stopped dating. I assumed it had happened to her sister as well. *** [SPOILER: mildly negative, skip to the end if you like] From: Keith Here's a story you may or may not be interested in since it contains no actual incest but merely tries to define why I'm so obsessed with it. Up to the time I was twenty I never had a girlfriend so I quite frequently bought pornography for the obvious reasons. I found that I was buying "Penthouse" more for the stories than for the "models" inside. One day I stumbled across a story about two sisters who spend the night in the same bed and become lovers. This was fascinating and unreal, but of course at my age I wanted to believe all those letters were for real. I switched to reading those little digests with a few incest stories until I found a place that sold "Family Letters" (a gas station?!) and I was hooked. I now have about four tons of these things as well as other magazines and now I'm seeking it out on the net. One of my girlfriends found out about my obsession and she was cool with it at first and she played along and called me "daddy" during sex but that became old for her and that was probably one of the reasons that we broke up along with fact that I told her that I shouldn't have children. I've gotten my current girlfriend to do the same act and she enjoys it and probably harbors a fantasy or two about her dad. This maybe goes back to my childhood when I was about 11 or so my mother came into my room in her robe and pinned me to the bed and began kissing me on the mouth. I struggled because she was on top of me and at the time was rather heavy. As soon as I worked myself free she grabbed me back down and slapped me in the face. My Mom had NEVER done that before. She started apologizing and crying and saying that it wouldn't happen again. I just sat there confused until she left. I'd still like to know for sure but in my mind that's when it began. That and the idea that my family were always fighting when it seemed that the families who were having sex seemed to get along well together. I know that this is distorted and a lot of people have negative experiences but I'd like to believe some enjoy it. I often wonder what would have happened if I had gone farther with my mother that day. I have no bad feelings toward her she is still a great mother, but we've never mentioned what happened that day. Well there it is, it may be too long for your digest but I enjoyed telling you anyway. *** A WORD FROM RANK I want to hear from you if you have had sexual contact with a family member, and what impact that had on your lives. The story doesn't have to be very long, or detailed, or even sexy. Just let me know: ...with whom (brother, mother, cousin, uncle) ...at what age ...who initiated the activity, and ...how you feel about it now Your confidentiality will not be compromised. Your story will only be used to continue these postings. If you would like to share your story, please send mail to RankAmateur@writeme.com. WHERE TO FIND THIS DIGEST New issues are posted to alt.sex.stories.moderated and related newsgroups on an irregular schedule. Past issues are available on the web at the alt.sex.stories.moderated archive site. WHERE TO FIND RANK I'm officially quitting AOL. [and there was much rejoicing] The address WILL NOT WORK effective Real Soon Now. Send all correspondence to my lifetime email address, . QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Did two members of the same family ever compete for your interest? Was it successful? Maybe you and a relative of your own competed for someone else. REVIEWING CELESTE Well, it eventually did happen: Celeste reviewed the digest! Sadly, she found little of note in Issue 22, since the Neville story was not up to her standards of grammar, plot, or character. (2's all around.) I will defend the eroticism of the central moment in Issue 22 where Neville's mother seduces him. Anyway, Celeste, thanks for finally taking notice; I appreciate your awareness that I take a few more minutes with my words than some of my contributors; and I invite you to review the stories of Jeannie and her brother (Issues 14, 15, and 18). Personally I think she's a halfway decent erotic writer, and the best I've had the privilege to publish. I am also very certain that she told the truth; and I would rather publish true stories than well-written ones. As I've said before, I do minimal editing, correcting only the worst errors of spelling and grammar. I'm not an editor, and compilation is quite enough work as it is, thank you! Besides, neologisms such as "clitoris" lightly amuse me. Much of the stories sent to me are hastily written personal accounts by authors who don't normally do a lot of writing, erotic or otherwise. Possibly for reasons of haste (either for privacy, or due to personal discomfort) many submissions are written in a telegraphic stream-of-consciousness style. Others resemble police or psychological interviews. I feel I do a service for those with an incest fetish, and I quite happily leave the task of elevating the level of erotic fiction on the 'net to Celeste and the stellar list of authors she regularly reviews. I wish to emphasize: what I publish are REAL SUBMISSIONS, though of course I have no way of verifying that they are all real experiences. I suspect, as did Nancy Friday, that some are highly embellished versions of more subtle events. But I reject very few submissions outright. Finally, I don't gripe about AOL censoring my digest, just my AOL profile. It's not some kind of preachy rant -- just one more annoyance that's making me quit this place, flat rates be damned. Love, Rank ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author does not condone the described behavior in real life. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Kristen's collection - Directory 67